Oh, Lover

Sometimes when I hear a certain song or smell a certain smell I am overwhelmed with a wave of nostalgia so strong im nearly swept off my feet. I can feel it swell in the pit of my stomach and blossom up through my chest, clutching at my throat and taking my breath away for a moment. I am taken to another time, usually a happier one. I can feel the air that I was breathing then and practically taste all the sights and smells around me. I close my eyes and the feeling intensifies. The moment eventually fades but if I want to feel it again all I have to do is listen to that song, smell that perfume, walk outside on a cold crisp night. Oh, lover I wish you knew how I think of you during these times. I wish I could bottle up the feeling and send it to you so you could understand a fraction, a droplet of my emotion that swims inside of me like a star in the sea of the galaxys. I wonder if you could understand if you would feel the same way, if the wave that crashes over you would drown you the same that it drowns me so quickly. I hope that it would. Otherwise was it all for nothing? Did our time mean nothing to you at all? Oh, lover I know that could not be true. You destroy me. You take my dry eyes, bare as a desert and plunge them into the depths, drowning them in the sorrows of my heart. When I walk down the street on a cold autumn day, the leaves whipping around my ankles, tripping and falling over themselves, sometimes I wonder. I wonder if you ever loved me the way I loved you. If maybe I was head over heels tripping and falling like the leaves into your heart but you were in the sky, flying away, caring about more important things. Oh, lover you kill me. You take the shards of my heart and stab them into my skin, watching the blood trickle downward like little rivers. You know my deepest secrets and I hate that you hold them, clutching them in your palms like they are yours to own and do with as you like. They are mine but you can have them. Just be gentle with them please. Oh, lover I wonder at your beauty. You leave me alone, standing on the edge of a railing looking lost but I’d know your smile anywhere. I won’t forget it even after your gone. Will you forget mine? I see you smiling in her picture, your eyes wild like the milky way and your hair long, flowing out behind you like the sea. You look so happy I can’t help but wonder if you are happier now. If you meant what you said. That you are much happier without me. Sometimes when the sky is inky black I like to lay my head down on the damp grass, ignoring the wet feeling seeping through my skin. I can see the stars this way, winking back at me like little fireflies flying through the night. Maybe they are just bugs, thousands of miles away from me. I wish I could turn into one and burn down bright on the world, providing a small ray of light for the everyone for a moment. At least I could be of some use. Oh, lover what did I ever do to you? To make me heave my emotions onto the floor like a useless blender, spitting my feelings into every corner of the room. To shove my pride down my throat like a gag, stopping me in my tracks. Oh lover, I wonder if you think about me sometimes. When you drink your coffee on a dreary afternoon or look out your window to see rain droplets inching down the glass. If you regret what you did or what you said. Oh, lover do you feel the same as me?