Most of my life I have been boy-crazy. The type of woman with a boyfriend she loves, a crush she adores, with an admirer or two falling somewhere in the mix. So chances are, I have had many a celebrity boyfriend before the one I am thinking of now. Accompanied by the likes of Fall Out Boy band member Pete Wentz adorning the band room locker door I had in high school, lucky locker door to get those cringey between class kisses, mine near to the trumpet player who had pinned up Kim Kardashian beach snaps in his; my college years celebrity hubby being the sizzlingly funny, artistically inclined, multi-faceted, selfie-king extradordinare (we will never forget those infamous Instagram days) James Franco. Franco just got the full obnoxiously long Fall Out Boy song title description, an honor, really. The celebrity crush I have in the clouds of my mind for this piece is in a category all his own, if we dare categorize this lovable crush of mine at all, the internet sensation and YouTube celebrity: Chris Crocker. The iconic Britney Spears fan creating currents amongst the cyberspace over 10 years ago, loyally defending the pop star during a Britney like episode of his own. The video is comparable to inception of the shaved head Britney attacking a car window with an umbrella, metaphorically speaking (a place we've all been), Chris, a young man discovering his one of a kind identity and presence in the world, impressed by Britney's stardom is emotional with a camera and access to YouTube. Those moments where the stars align and one is in the right place at the right time on the internet, that lucky viral delight, Chris Crocker.
I liken Chris to the All-American Boy, such an apple pie genuine and relatable person, with such vital presence and life. His fans remind me so much of the video that put him at the forefront of the mass internet for a moment in time. A character all herself across the internet, with a following like his early internet self, almost Beyoncé Beehive type fan base that defends him, like Crocker defends Britney. See how things come karmaically full circle, he gives defense on behalf of Britney and it comes back once he goes viral and gathers a group of fans. His videos of morning coffee amongst giving deep, real life advice to the viewers and commenters, delivering tons of Southern Sass. Swoons, for a celebrity in her own mind, such as me, to get dolled up with Chris in the morning just for a coffee run and sing-along car ride full of gossip. As a woman with a fluid identity, I can't help but love queer men and all men in general. Especially in a time like this where so many men receive flack deserving so or not, caught up in a battle of the sexes, societal penis hating aside, I have to shout out the boys. Cheers to the queers and trans women like me.
Thanks to Chris as well for the effort he puts in for human rights, such a crushable thing to admire about her. Being an active and public figure in the LGTBQ+ community, while having a sense of humor about his viral nature and wide response is something wonderful to behold. Known to share parts of his personal life with viewers, I just sometimes can't believe how people out there treat this treasure in the world Chris. To the basics who try to play Chris like he's some two-cent skank, he is a priceless being and wonder of the world. Side-eyes Boystown, Chicago bathroom conversations.
With it being Virgo season, the time of year when Chris Crocker's Leave Britney Alone video debuted on September 10, 2007, I want to remember and honor the Sagittarius force of life Chris Crocker. I toast with iced coffee and celebrate the wonderful slice of the internet that is Chris Crocker. Bows to internet royalty and hair flips the haters. My love of Chris reminds me that life is to be lived and boys are like bows. How can you not be amused and fawn over Chris?
Closing in the words of Charles Bukowski that seem to capture one of my favorite and unique celebrity crushes: "Some people never go crazy. What a truly horrible life they must live." Toast to being crazy with and for Chris Crocker!