Number 1 Reason Why Its so Hard to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Did you know that it takes most victims 7 times to leave an abusive or toxic relationship?

Your friends and family have all to told you to leave him. They say things like why is it so hard for you to leave him? What happened to the strong confident women I used to know? Why do you stay with him?

You know it’s bad and you want to leave the toxic relationship but it’s so hard. You may have even tried before. I have listed the number 1 reason below as to why it’s so hard its to leave.

Number 1 Reason

Abusive Relationships are Addictive

Abusive relationships are as addictive as drugs. Studies have been conducted that the exact same chemicals that happen in a drug addicted person also happen in the person who are in an abusive relationship.

This would contribute to be the hardest reason why it is so hard to leave the relationship and also why we keep returning. No one wants to stay in an abusive situation, but your brain chemicals have a say in this.

Brain chemicals such as Oxytocin (the bonding hormone), Dopamine (hormone and neurotransmitter responsible for rewarded motivated behavior, and craving), Endogenous Opiods (neurotransmitter responsible for communicating pain, pleasure and withdrawal), and cortisol (hormone from stress, and withdrawal).

To put this in simplest terms the addiction happens without you even knowing it. I just want to note here, please don't be hard on yourself about your situation. Abusive people are sometimes so good at what they do that you have no clue that you are slowing or quickly becoming addicted to the toxic relationship.

How this happens? I have two words: TRAUMA BONDING.

Meaning:

What does this look like?

It's kinda of a cat and mouse game (to them it is). They will do things like shower you with love and affection then to withdraw or do something very cruel. They will make excuses for their behavior and be amazing again and known and behold they will withdraw or be cruel. It is a vicious cycle and because you most likely bonded with them it becomes hard to leave.

Going Through Withdrawal

At some point you may have tried to leave only to discover the experience of the excruciating pain of withdrawal. Withdrawal is an abrupt discontinuation of the relationship or attention. You can experience extreme anxiety, depression, the feeling of 'going crazy,' despair, thoughts of suicide, losing control and other intense emotions. Its pretty much a similar experience to going through withdrawal from a drug. What one may notice is the symptoms of withdrawal dramatically decrease when the perpetrator is nice again, or comes back into the picture. What we learn is leaving this person is painful but when they are back the pain disappears. That is why it is so hard to go COLD TURKEY. It really is. I have been through this and I have done it all. Return, leave, return leave, and finally cold turkey leave.

One time I was speaking to my therapist about this and she said you are in 'recovery,' just the same as an addict. To get through the abuse cycle and to regulate your brain chemicals from the abuse it takes time, and lots of help from friends, family, and counselors.

GET OUT and GET HELP

Going cold turkey is hard there is no easy way around this. What's that famous quote, 'the only way is through'. I will say from experience this is true. I went cold turkey and got out. I speak from experience.

I do highly recommend reaching out to your local victims abuse outreach program. Here they have trained counselors who understand the psychology of abuse, and how hard it is to leave. They can guide you through it, and help you realize you are not crazy and you are indeed being abused. They have resources if you need to flee your home and or need legal aid. Please don't stay because you think you don't have a choice. You do, it's a hard choice but there are people out there who can help.

Please leave comments or questions for me. I am happy to help and respond.

Peace and Love,

Hilda