Not That Different

I know this is a big ask, but for a brief moment in time, step outside your moral convictions or religious beliefs. In this post, I want you to judge a relationship on your experience. Over the next few paragraphs, I want you to judge my relationship by your relationship. Judge us by what popular culture has taught you. Judge us by what you know to be true about all that is necessary for a healthy relationship to prosper. As we weave our way through this exercise, know that tolerance of something you cannot morally accept, but are willing to celebrate from a distance is not my goal. In the end, I want you to understand we are not that different.

Think of the last heated or profound conversation you had with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Was it about the future? Expenses? Helping out around the house? Caring for the children? Travel? How the in-laws are treating you? Something you said was misunderstood? Sex?

Did the conversation happen over the kitchen table, in bed, or on a long drive? Did you shout, stand up for yourself, talk passionately, cry, find common ground, or reach a peaceful agreement? Were you filled with doubt or sure of yourself? Did you decide to love this person, even the things you cannot change? Did you grow or decide to continue working? Did you decide love is the hardest thing you will ever do, but also find it profoundly rewarding?

We are not that different.

Just like you, we worry about the future. Right now, I am out of work and spend almost every single day looking for work. Brandon is the breadwinner and is supporting me financially through this trying time. Thanks to the pandemic, record unemployment, and a weak job market, we are worried about the future. Sound familiar?

Just like you, we worry about money. In the past five years, we have both struggled with our finances. We have overcome debt, saved, and discussed buying a home, and new cars. Finances are always a concern and influence every decision we make. Can you relate?

Just like you, we long for something more. For us, we wish we could travel more. We wish we could live in a bigger house, wear newer clothes, and splurge on ourselves more often. We know where we want to be, even when the path is unclear. Are these dreams your dreams?

Just like you, we long for an end to the challenges. We want family drama to end. We want the freedom to be ourselves. We want to achieve our personal goals and those goals we share together. We want to leave this world better than we found it. Are you starting to see yourself in us?

We are not that different.

Just like you, life has come at us pretty fast. We were carefree kids, teenagers rebelling against their parents, newly freed college students, young adults swimming in confusion, and now, adults trying to build something special. Before we know it, retirement, health concerns, and then death. In all these journeys, we have braced for impact unsure of what to expect.

Stepping back into your moral convictions and religious beliefs, please know that we do need your approval or tolerance. Each other is all we need or will ever need. Sure, life is much more exciting surrounded by friends and family, but approval for those who mind and can only focus on hedonistic thoughts can kindly go to hell.

Like you, we believe this a love built to last. It may not linger on traditions. It may be built on something new. It may fly in the face of everything you have believed to be true, but in the end…

We are not that different.

Be good to each other,

Nathan