New Beginnings

I could write several books about everything I have been through, from school bullying, abusive relationships both at home and in my young adult life, to life in a psychiatric hospital, struggling with parenting, violence etc...

The list is endless.

I have spent my whole life in trauma, and fighting to survive.

Some people tell me that they have been through similar stuff, and that I should have moved on by now.

However, it hasn't been that simple, and the housing situation we have found ourselves in has spanned from around 1994 all the way to now.

1994 being the year that my violent life story recycled in its full glory, landing me in a very bad place with my mental health for many decades afterwards, and in 1999 when I thought it was over; it showed me it's ugly head once more from around 2005 and finally fully ended around 2020.

Well, I say 'fully ended' lightly, because up to now we have seriously struggled with poor housing environments that added a whole new chapter to that story, adding to the tragedy of losing my children to a system in the U.K. that let us down with run down and broken housing time and time again.

The conclusion?

I wasn't just bullied and punished by the local authority for a past I did not ask for. I was wrongly accused of neglecting my children, because the hardships I was faced with, in reality, made it severely impossible to give my children everything they needed, through the eyes of the local authority.

Carol Ann Townend (author of this article)

Any parent whether young or older is going to struggle as parents when they are constantly having to move to flee violence, or put in housing that is severely run down and broken, despite having pleaded for help from a system that was blatantly ignorant, blaming the victim, and placing them in housing less than suitable for a family who is already vulnerable.

Was this my fault?

No!

I loved my children, and I desperately tried to make things better for them during the time they were living with me; but when we finally got safety after decades of struggling, we were placed in housing that was old, already subsiding, and in a very bad way. We had no choice but to take it, because we could no longer afford private housing, another area we struggled in, and the council would have refused to help us if we hadn't taken it. However, my family and I were faced with more abuse for a while after taking it, which fell on deaf ears. When we were private, despite it being run down, the problems with abuse stopped for a long time. This new abuse only started after we became tenants in a council home. Why? because the community knew that we were vulnerable, and they were jealous because someone else wanted our house.

Carol Ann Townend (author of this article)

Now, I have explained why it took so long to get to healing because of my situation, let us now talk about the new beginnings that are happening now, and why we are excited!

Many of my readers will have already read stories from my past that I have written about, so I am not going to be boring and repeat that which is already known.

I can say, though shellshocked!) that we finally have a new house, and this is a new-build!

This is significant for both of us.

There is no point in going back to try and undo history. Nobody can do that, but now we are finally settling, we can make our future brighter!

Carol Ann Townend (Author of this article)

Yes;

Many mistakes were made, but it isn't just the children who suffered; we did too, and we deserve this new start.

We did not neglect or abuse our children in the way that rumours say we did. We loved and cared for them every day, despite our struggles; but we were overwhelmed with our mental health problems, past experiences, and the situation that we found ourselves in. We certainly did not deserve to have our children removed. We deserved the right help, but it was unavailable to us at that time. It wasn't just 'our mistake; the local authority made their own mistakes, but if we dared bring that up, we were silenced.

Carol Ann Townend (Author of this article, and Jonathan Daniel Townend (Author's husband)

Happily for us, the children are all grown up now, and thriving. However, they were not given a lot of support after they came out of this system. Three of the children have complained about abuse they suffered in the system which they say was worse than the problems they had at home.

They admitted that homelife in their family home with us was difficult, but not one of them believe they were abused in our care. They remember the mental health and housing difficulties, and the street bullying; but they also remember love, affection, school, baths, good food, holidays, stories, surprises, reading and learning, and having parents they could turn to, despite any other problems.

Since all this, our eldest daughter has gone on to have two beautiful children. She lived with us for a while, and the grandchildren adored us and being in our home.

However, here is the downside:

Our daughter went through a really difficult time, some involving her own relationships which also involved the children. We were left protecting them from abuse, because the local authority wouldn't hear of it when we asked them for help.

On a good note; with our support, our daughter is now living as a single parent in her own tenancy, and she is bringing up her children by herself, beautifully.

What Does This Mean For Us, Now?

We are in a new chapter of our lives, and soon we will be able to move into our beautiful brand new home. However, we still think about the past, even though we know it is history.

We wish we could have had what we have now, when our children were young because it would have meant that we could have given them the security they needed at that time.

Carol Ann Townend (Author of this article

The past is gone, but we all look back every now and then.

However, not only do we have a brand new home which is very modern, and very different to the house we are in now. It means that my husband will be able to live securely and safely, despite his disabilities, and that we can continue building our future goals!

I even have a garden I can nicely decorate, instead of the old garden I presently have which belongs in the common at the back of us, because it is unlevel, and over-run with plants and bramble that do not belong in a residential garden!

We will still have to clean and maintain it, but it is not going to take three hours. The house is a two bedroomed house, and it has very modern fixtures including an air-con system, which we find overly trendy!

If you have ever lived in a council house in the United Kingdom, you will understand!

I also have new gadgets that I have to get used to, such as the trendy, digital system that controls all of my electricity, including my lights.

That will be fun!

The back garden is fenced off, and it's a good size but not overly sized, which means I can enjoy gardening with leisure, rather than turn it into a massive chore.

I also have the bonus of looking forward to my new home in a very beautiful place, where there is nature all around me, and that is going to encourage my husband out more. I have already planned to turn my garden into a nature area, because the place we are moving to is a nature area, and I can add to its natural beauty, enhancing my garden and the area around me.

This is where healing starts!

This is also somewhere, where we can both look forward to seeing our grandkids coming over, exploring, and enjoying their visit; and we are sure that our now adult-children are going to love visiting us.

Despite the mistakes, and the trauma from the past, we feel that this move will provide healing, and possible strengthen the bonds between ourselves and the children.

We know that every council in the United Kingdom has struggled with housing and more, but regardless of the past;

We can't thank our council more for giving us this new beautiful life that we are looking forward to starting.

I hope that you will stay tuned, because once we are settled in our new home, I will take you on a wonderful tour of the area where we are going to be rebuilding our life. I will also be talking to you about why this is good for us!