It was a lovely Spring day in Savannah, Georgia. I remember it vividly although I wish I could forget. I had just recently gotten my undergrad and moved to the South where my family had been living for nearly two years. Fresh off the boat (or janky Jeep Liberty) with a film degree, I figured I could get a good start in good ole' Georgia. I mean they filmed Magic Magic 2 there, for goodness sake!
Well as it turned out, it kind of backfired, and I was searching for things to do and new people to meet. I decided to get back on dating apps out of boredom. I had used them before and knew they were bad news but I had nothing really to lose. At 22, I met a young man (or child—he was 20) who I had no intention of actually going on a date with. That was my game: talk to people but take zero action. I was scared and I had a right to be.
For some reason, I said yes to going on a date with him. My friend convinced me to be open to the idea so this was me kind of being positive about the situation. "Hey, at least I'll have a new friend if it doesn't work out. Or, ya know, a free meal," was my thought process.
I knew it was starting off on the wrong foot when he told me to meet him at a Jimmy John's and that he was on a strict budget of $7. Red flag #1.
I arrived. Not only was I already feeling on edge about the fact that it was a freaking Jimmy John's but it was in a strip mall kind of situation. This somehow made it worse. But there he was standing up by the door. I walked up there, with not much to say from his end as well as my own.
He said he knew what he wanted and made his way to the register to order a sandwich for himself AND ONLY HIMSELF. I paid for my own sandwich. This sounds shallow of me but come on! It was a first date for crying out loud! This is a SANDWICH we're talking about, not a lobster dinner. Red Flag #2.
We had absolutely NOTHING in common. He didn't understand humor at all, which is kind of what I'm all about. Red Flag #3.
We were there maybe not even 30 minutes when he asked me what I wanted to do next. I should have shut it down right then and there BUT I DIDN'T.
We walked around his school's campus, which was close by. How convenient for him. That was awkward enough. He tried to grab my hand. We were obviously not there yet and would never be.
THEN he asked if I wanted to go to the park or the beach which were both at least a half hour away. WHY.
So, being the smart cookie that I am, I ended up going to the freaking beach with him. In his car. I realize now that this could have been a lot worse than it was, but it was so bad in a different sense.
The ride there was just uncomfortable. He actually started "playing" with my hair when in reality it was straight up pulling. He failed to realize that it was super freaking weird and that I DID NOT enjoy it. Red Flag # 4.
When we got there, he made a point that he did not want to pay $4 for street parking so guess who paid for it? ME. I tried to assure him that no one would ever care as I park on the street for free all the time. No dice. Red Flag #5.
We walked on the beach and sat in a swing together in an awkward silence. This might've been a sweet date to have as boyfriend and girlfriend but as a first date? NO.
We walked down the pier only to have him take me up some staircase to get a good look of the ocean. He tried to hold me but I honestly couldn't even breathe the entirety of this date.
The only cool thing about this was the fact that the new Baywatch movie was being filmed on the beach at the time. Afterwards, we headed back AFTER I stopped for a drink. I couldn't take it anymore. He obviously could not partake as he was not old enough.
We ended up stopping by his PARENTS' HOUSE and he asked if I wanted to come in. I said no. He did want to meet up again but said he had to get back because he had some kind of World of Warcraft thing scheduled with his friends. He does this regularly apparently. Red Flag #6.
I had not intended on having a date to last the entire day. But hey, I guess I'm way too damn nice.
On the drive back, he proceeded to ask me what my WORST DATE was, and I was on it with him.