#MyWorstDate

As far as bad dates go, I've had my share of them. Who hasn’t had a few bad dating experiences? So choosing just one as the worst for some would be difficult. For me, none of my bad dates were as bad as the last one. It was so horrible it changed my life forever. It started out great considering I had already gone on a few dates with this guy. He picked me up at my condo and we went to a sports bar to watch a game. It’s so crazy that I can’t even remember whether it was a big basketball or football game because much of that night still remains blurry in my mind. We ate and watched the game. While we did this we talked about our futures. I remember telling him that I wanted to go back to school to get my master’s degree. I was really starting to like him. I remember thinking he had done everything right so far and maybe, just maybe I’ll let him kiss me goodnight.

We arrived back at my place and he insisted on walking me to my door. I was starting to get comfortable with him so I agreed. As we walked up the stairs I began to imagine what our first kiss would be like and I couldn’t stop smiling. Standing there at my door with keys in my hand I said good night and as I turned to open my door he leaned in and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I thought, “Was that it, was he not even going to attempt to kiss me for real?” The disappointment settled in my face and I opened my door to go inside. That’s when it happened. He grabbed me by my waist and began kissing me hard and pushing me inside. He turned and locked the door behind us. “What are you doing?” I asked frantically. He didn’t say anything. He pushed me on the sofa and tried to kiss me again but I turned my face away. I can hear me saying, “No, stop!” I must have said it several times as I tried to push him off of me. He was so strong! It was no use fighting but I kept struggling anyway hoping he’d realize that I didn’t want this to happen. I don’t know how he did it but he had taken off one leg of my pants and was pushing my underwear aside. The pain of penetration ripped away the little fight I had left. As I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. I could feel the spirit of young me leave my body and take a seat in the corner. She sat there staring at me in horror with her hands cuffing her mouth, shaking her head hysterically and tears streaming down her face. She had been here before and she knew that no one was coming to save her. I starred at her for a while then I closed my eyes and prayed for it to end. He continued kissing me, pumping and panting as if my stiff motionless body was somehow turning him on. The smell of his beer breath, the sweat from his body dripping all over me caused vomit to rise up and fill my mouth. I turned my head to rid myself of the stench of it all. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me.

What amounted to matter of minutes, somehow felt like hours. When he was finished I lay there still immobile as he stood silently dressing himself looking at me as if I wanted it or asked for it. I didn’t move when he sat on the table in front of me talking to me. I don’t know what he said but he must have realized that I was not ok with what just happened. He stood looking at me in amazement, rubbed his head, and then walked out of the door, leaving me there still undressed and still in pain. I lay there for hours and sometime close to morning I got up and staggered to the restroom. I turned on the shower then walked over to the mirror to clean my face. I stared at the broken woman staring back at me. I closed my eyes to avoid her gaze but in my mind’s eye I could see that little girl again standing in the corner afraid and alone. A river of tears flowed down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe what had happened to me. Was I not clear when I said, “No, stop!” How loud did I need to be for them to hear me? No, this was not my fault! I didn’t ask for it when I was younger and I sure as hell didn’t ask for it that night. My mind began to scream “no” over and over again until the word burst forth from my very soul. I would take no more. I was tired. I was tired of keeping silent, tired of being victimized by people who didn’t see my value as a human being. I needed to stand up for myself and for that little girl cowering in the corner waiting for someone to save her. I opened my eyes, dried my tears, turned off the shower, pulled on my clothes, grabbed my keys, and drove to the nearest hospital.

This was the absolute worst date I’d ever had in my life and as much as I would love to say that justice was served, it was not. I reported everything to the doctors and the police when they came in to take a report. Unfortunately, I didn’t scream, I froze and I allowed him to finish without a fight so all the evidence pointed toward a consensual sexual encounter which amounted to my word against his. This turn of events enraged me. It was completely unacceptable that I was the one who had the burden of proving that I had been violated. From that moment forward, I vowed that I would no longer be a victim and that I was going to fight for every little girl, woman, or human being who was being victimized or abused. I went back to school and became a counselor to help victims of all ages and genders. As a victim advocate, I encourage everyone with whom I work to speak up and speak out against their attackers and abusers. The worst date of my life turned out to be a catalyst for change which ironically was a good thing. It taught me to stand up and be heard so that now I’m a victim no more.