My Worst Date Story: Do You Wanna Get Burritos?

So back when I was still single and ready to mingle, I finally gave Tinder a try after many failed attempts at meeting people in real life. I was just too weird and awkward to start conversations with strangers face-to-face and I had no idea if they found me attractive or not. I sort of thought Tinder was a way of "giving up." Like yup, you've finally admitted it to yourself, you suck at social interaction. Welcome to being a Millennial.

Turned out it wasn't too horrible. Sure, I played drinking games with my roommate while we swiped, taking a drink every time we saw a stupid white boy with a fish (we did not stay sober for long). But it was pretty addicting overall and definitely a much-needed ego boost. For the most part I was just talking to guys about random pointless stuff that never led anywhere.

One actually had the gusto to ask me on a date though, which was a change of pace. He was actually someone I had met my freshman year of college in a theatre group but we hadn't interacted much because he quit the show only two weeks in. It was a truly magical moment matching up with him on Tinder three years later in my senior year, a sign of fate no? (Spoiler alert: no, it was not.)

So I accepted his offer to go hang out at his house with him. That was probably the first mistake, but I had been going through a dry spell and I was more comfortable being with someone I at least kind of knew than a complete stranger I had met on a dating app.

I arrived at his apartment and someone else answered the door. But it wasn't just any roommate awkwardly telling his friend that the girl he ordered was here. It was another guy I had also matched with on Tinder and ghosted. Cue the most awkward "Oh, hi," that has ever existed in the history of life. He called for my non-ghosted Tinder match and he quickly rescued me and we went up to his room.

After smoking a little of the green to help us both relax, we do the typical "get to know you" stuff like talking about music, TV, and whatever. He finally brings up the fact that we've met before (I honestly thought he didn't even remember me) and tells me he thought I was "cute then, but even more attractive now." A disgustingly hopeless romantic at heart, I was flattered and thanked him.

Cue about a solid two seconds of awkward music-listening. For some reason, he was really into instrumental trumpet music (I'm not making this up) so that's what was playing in the background while we stared at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move. I'm also really shy when it comes to romantic/sexual things so I was getting really nervous and didn't know what to do. The guy must have seen this because he starts leaning in.

"Do you wanna get burritos???"

Yes, instead of kissing him, I asked him if he wanted to get some super sloppy Mexican food. Sexy.

He says sure and we get up and walk down the street to the best burrito place on the street. We are pretty quiet the whole time. He orders his burrito and I order mine. He doesn't offer to pay. I would not have accepted, but I would have appreciated the offer since this was sort of like a date? Maybe?

But we sit down by the window and I start people watching. I like making up little stories about people as they walk by, ya know, as many people do. He was not into it. I tried being all, "Hey, what do you think those two are saying?" but he just kept quiet and saying he didn't know. The awkward burrito eating continued for a bit longer.

Once we're done, he asks me if I want to go back to his apartment and I say sure. Maybe now that I can't excuse myself to eating, I'll be less afraid to hookup with him.

We get back up to his room (with another delightfully awkward smile to the ghosted roommate) and this time he doesn't waste his time. Thankfully there is no more instrumental trumpet music playing, just silence. He goes in for the kiss this time and things continue as they do.

In the middle of it, he asks me if I'll have sex with him. I said no. He immediately backpedals and says, "Yeah, I don't have sex with people that I don't really know." The fuck? Why'd you ask me in the first place then? We continue making out and doing other things but I can tell he's not into it anymore. So we stop and cuddle for a bit.

After what was probably only a few minutes, he says to me, "Yeah, so, I have a Halloween party to go to." Interested, I ask him what he's going as. It's Rick from Rick and Morty. This was back in 2015 so it wasn't super cringey to do that yet. I loved the show so I showed some enthusiasm. This is followed oh so politely by, "Yeah, so, I'm gonna head out soon."

No invite? Rude. I could tell he had lost interest though since I wouldn't immediately have sex with him (as most of the guys I hooked up with turned out to be) so I got dressed and he walked me to the door. With that, he kisses me and says, "I'll see you again soon." Okay, so maybe this wasn't a complete failure! We did at least make out and stuff after all. We were clearly both attracted to each other and sometimes my awkwardness came off as cute to some people. Maybe he just didn't want to make me uncomfortable. I wasn't too much a partier anyway and he could probably tell. Yeah, maybe!

I texted him the next day and it took him three days to answer.

We never spoke again.

The moral of #MyWorstDate story is, don't backpedal on what you say immediately after, and don't tell me you're going to see me again and then not answer my text for three days. It was definitely for the best since I'm in a very loving relationship now with a girl (#bipride) who would never do something like that, but still. Don't pull this shit, guys. Just be honest and we'll all appreciate it a lot more.

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PS: I tried to hit up his roommate that I had ghosted after, but he had unmatched me... that was fair.