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My Worst Date Ever

Why did I swipe right?

By Brianna PenrodPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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The photo he sent me after our “date”.

I’ve pretty much been swiping on Tinder for a whole year until I met my cute dumpling that I have right now. Unfortunately, I met a few bad eggs along the way, and I regret them so. The worst date I’ve ever had consisted of me meeting this Korean guy that I'd been talking to online. His name was Min, and he was rashly handsome and sweet, based on his profile and our conversations. He ended up asking me out, and I agreed to go driving with him and have dinner. Well, these are not the events that occurred that night. First of all, when he arrived, I opened the door to find him way shorter than he said he was, but I’m no newbie to online dating so I always suspect it. Anyways, we greeted each other awkwardly, like any first online meet-up, but then things changed. I was getting ready to walk out the door and this dude just goes in my room and gets comfy. My first immediate thought is, “WTF, I wanted food,” because I hadn’t eaten yet. Second thought was, “why TF is he in my room?” but I’m no idiot. Eventually, I walk in the room and see him watching Rick and Morty, I had left it on when I was waiting for him; this was not a part of my plan. I was honestly a little irritated because this dude starts talking about Rick and Morty and laying on my floor like he’s not going anywhere. Soon enough, I gave up and just told myself that I’d eat when he leaves, because he started to talk to me vigorously with very bad breath and I wasn’t having that. So he’s laying on the floor and I just go to lay on my bed—I have a Korean-style futon that sits on the floor—but then he gets up! He gets up and lays next to me in my bed, and I’m just like, “ew, no,” and I kinda move, but he moves closer. I then realized what he wanted and I honestly wasn’t into it because he just had really bad breath and began to be really clingy. He already lied about his height, didn’t take me out to eat, and to make things worse, he wore hiking boots with joggers when he came over. As I’m growing more and more irritated, this little man decides to make a jump on me and he starts taking off his pants and I’m just frozen like a statue because in a flash, all I saw was a pubic bush the size of a volleyball. With his giant bush, you couldn’t even see his penis, and I was trying so hard not to laugh because I’m not the type of girl to make fun of a guy, but then he said it.

He whispered in my ear and said, “I’m a virgin,” and I was just stunned. Like, WTF, that’s definitely not sexy and I was wondering what someone said to him for him to think it was. Keep in mind, this guy is 26; he just jumped on top of me half naked and just told me he’s a virgin. From that point on, I told him he needed to go because everything he did was ridiculous and I was on the verge of comedic tears. But then this dude insists that he can't go because it’s too late for him to drive back to Seattle— it was approximately an hour drive, but that wasn’t my problem. Then he just starts cuddling with me and I’m still disgusted, and I just don’t know what to do; I already told this creep to leave. However, I honestly felt bad for him and my pity-radar just automatically turned on; I was about to hate myself for what I did next. I decided to let him stay, but he then kept cuddling me like nothing weird ever happened, but I just let it slide because I was tired. Suddenly, I get a loud FaceTime from my friend Kai; it was his birthday and he was drunk AF. One thing I love about Kai is his Taiwanese accent, so I definitely always listen to anything he has to say over the phone; his voice is cute. Anyways, he starts talking how a person who drank half a bottle of Hennessy would talk, and this creepy dude is still holding on to me, despite me talking to another guy in bed; this kind of weirds me out more. As the night came to an end and Kai fell asleep, so did I. Yes, I seriously slept in the same bed as a total stranger and didn’t even acknowledge him. When I woke up the next morning, I made up some dumb excuse for him to leave as soon as possible, and so I started getting ready to pretend I had to go somewhere. The guy eventually leaves, but before he does, he asks me when he’ll see me again, and I’m like, “never...” I didn’t want to be harsh but it was the worst human encounter I’ve ever had, but I didn’t tell him that. Anyways, he understood and then left. Next thing you know, I get a call about 10 minutes later, and it’s him again. He said he left his pocket knife at my house. I was immediately angry because I realized he left it on purpose. When we went to bed the night before, he put all his things in a pile, consisting of his keys and wallet as well. I told him that he should turn around and come get his stuff because he was only 10 minutes away, but he refused and said “I’ll get them the next time I come over.” Next time? I literally just told this elf that I didn’t want to see him again, and realized that he left his knife on purpose as an excuse to see me again. Normally, this would be a cute gesture, but to me, it was just creepy AF. As a result, I told him that he’s just not gonna get it back because I’m not opening the door, and so I luckily never saw him again. However, he messaged me three months later, sending me the photo of a steak that I included in this story, with the caption “it’s been awhile.” #myworstdateever

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