My Weekly Writing Journey - Week 1

When I think about a journey, any journey I might take in my life be it literally traveling, physical, emotional, or mental I get excited. It's thrilling to think about heading towards a destination or a goal. That shiny glimmering light at the end is what sparks that excitement - it's what we want, it's right there on the other side at the end of the road. Often though, I find myself falling short of the goal - this doesn't happen with traveling but with physical, emotional, journeys - it happens ALL THE TIME.

What is standing in my way? If I am being honest and to put it in a nice one-word little package, it's myself. I am my own worst enemy to anything. I will find excuses - I'm a PRO at that. Started a diet with a goal of losing 10 pounds? Ah well, it is the holidays, plenty of time for that later, and there is that birthday the week after, oh and game day – WINGS baby! Let's read that book that you know is great for your mental and spiritual health. When am I ever going to find quiet time to read? Once the kids go to bed, I’m really need to do this, that, and the other thing. Plus, the light in the living room is really awful anyway. Going to do a photography 365 project this year and document my life! Ugh - this house is just not photo worthy, there is no good light in here, and honestly no one cares about my posts anyway. Going to finally write my novel. Why bother? It is not like you’re writing is that good, and what you have written – you’ve only got 49 views on – no one’s reading it! Going to open my Etsy shop. It costs money to get started, you are never going to sell anything anyway and then you’ll just have all this stuff sitting around here that no one is ever going to buy taking up room in the house that you don’t have.

These obstacles are just not real roadblocks at all fears that are molded into self-made barriers holding me back. They are full of self-doubt and maybe too the fear of "what if I do matter?" "what if I do and can make a difference" While that is a wonderful thing to have as a part of your person it's also a scary amount of responsibility in a way, and with a life full to the brim of those already it certainly feels a little heavy to think about more. But it's the self-doubt that really gets me and has been the longest running roadblock in my life. I don't think I have ever truly felt "good enough". I think that’s why I quit playing the flute after high school. I think that’s why I have struggled to take my photography business to the full-time dreams that I want to take them to. It’s why I’ve never written a novel or attempted to publish any of my written works until now. It’s why I have never done SO many things in my life. Maybe the foundation for this comes from being teased when I was growing up. Maybe it comes from just having lived a unique life and being such a unique person, I never really truly felt like I fit in anywhere. Regardless of that it was perpetuated by the emotional and physical abuse that I suffered in my previous marriage. It’s a motivation for me to overcome that and no longer let that hold me back from being the best and most authentic version of myself.

If I could just get out of my own way I know that I could meet those goals. I would gain the confidence that I want with my body. I would gain the satisfaction of reading a book to the end and nourishing my mind and spirit. I would find joy in documenting my everyday in that 365 project. I would feel like I was slaying. I would feel so much more confident with my entire self! That’s the goal and that is why I am taking on this 52 week writing journey.

But how do you overcome yourself when you are your own worst enemy?

My strategies over this 52 week writing project are:

• Make time, don't make excuses. I am going to dedicate time each week, scheduled for myself on my calendar to work on this project. I am not going to cancel on myself - I don't like it when friends flake out on me and I never flake out on anyone, so why am I treating myself in ways I wouldn't treat other people? I make time for everyone else - I can make time for myself!

• I need to convince myself that I can do this. I am going to put reminders on my mirror, on my desk and on my computer that I am worthy of the time, I am good enough, I have a unique voice others want to listen to, and I have thoughts that are worth sharing.