My spouse is my best friend

We often hear people say their spouse is their best friend, and probably never question why. I am going to share today why my husband is truly my best friend. When I take away our children, grandchildren, romance and sex I can honestly say we are true friends. I met Michael Preston Sr. when I was 17 years old and weighing about 97 lbs. I had been picked on and laughed at by a lot of guys and told that nobody wanted me because I was skinny. Whenever a young man did express an interest in dating me, I pulled away. I subconsciously believed that eventually, he would tell me I was not woman enough because I did not have a lot of curves. The first time Michael came to my house we were sitting on the living room couch and he asked me to stand up so he could see how tall I was. In my mind I am thinking, "Here it comes, he's going to tell me that I am too skinny, so I decided to beat him to the punch.

As I stood, I said, "I look taller than I am because I am so skinny." Yes, I put my own self down because that's what everyone else had done for close to 18 years. I had a favorite cousin who came home from Vietnam and I was so excited to see him. Unfortunately, the first thing he said to me was, "You're still so boney”, and I was crushed. I was once in the school cafeteria during senior year for study hall with my head down on the table. I felt a tug at my left arm and looked up. A guy that I had never shown any interest in had walked out of the hallway and across the cafeteria just to mess with me. Holding my arm up he said, "Don't no man want no boney woman." A man wants a woman with some meat on her." Comments like this made me feel that day, April 25, 1976 that yet another guy would not give me a chance because of my lack of body weight.

Imagine my surprise when Michael replied, "I like small women." He accepted me as I was and that is what real friends do, They do not try to change each other but love each other as is. In 44 years of knowing each other, and 39 years of marriage, Michael has never once made a comment about my weight. I was 180 lbs when I gave birth to our third child, and have gone up and down many times but he has always accepted me as is and continues to compliment me. We have our issues like all married couples but my appearance has never been one of them. Friends always find something nice to say about each other.

During our decades with each we have never done a lot of dating or travelIng but simply spent time together. I used to go with him to various record stores when he wanted to look at and purchase albums. We would walk through the downtown area of where we live and talk as we were window shopping. Friends should be able to spend time together where they do nothing but enjoy each other's company. We have shared confidences with each other that no one else knows and true friends don't divulge secrets. He has men that he considers his best friends from childhood and I have a best female friend, but when you get right down to it, we admit that we are each other's best buddy ever.

Michael and I have always been able to just hang out, go for walks or visit relatives with each other. We do things that are not romantic and do not lead to sex. Our relationship has many facets and there are times when it is purely platonic. Best friends do things together that they do not with others and that's how Michael and I are. During the pandemic we would lay on the same bed, side by side, discussing the weather, current events, and what was on CNN news. Good friends are honest with each other and we can be brutally honest even when the other does not like it. I've been asked if I miss having a group of girlfriends or going for a girls night out and the answer is no.

Psychology Today lists 13 traits of a best friend and I agree with 10. I have tweaked them from being general to relating to specific best friends.

1. Being trustworthy.

2. Honesty

3. Dependability.

4. Loyalty

5. Trusting.

6. Empathy

7. Being non-judgmental.

8. A good listener.

9. Supportive during good times.

10. Supportive during bad times.

Psychology Today also lists being self-confident., humorous, and fun to be around. Everyone has days where they do not feel like laughing, are not fun to be around, and are not feeling confident. These are the times when a best friend should be the most supportive. I find that Michael is all the above for me most of the time. To say that any human is always 100% everything you need when you need it is a stretch and I don't believe it is possible. So being honest, over 44 years together I have found that he has been the person who has stood by me through thick and thin. Friends don't walk out on each other and that's why I consider him my best friend.

If anyone can live with me and my mood swings, my writer's temperament, and tendency to clutter things, and stick around this long that says a lot. My maternal great grandfather, grandfather, my dad and my daughter's husband all walked out on their wives. I don't know all the circumstances but I believe it takes a true friend to stay in any relationship for the long haul, even marriage. That's why Michael L Preston Sr. is my one true best friend.