My Peace is Found in Writing

“Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought.”

-E.Y. Harburg

“One of my biggest thrills for me still is sitting down with a guitar or a piano and just out of nowhere trying to make a song happen.”

-Paul McCartney

When I was five years old, I wrote my first song, and it was very weird. Set to the tune of “Froggy Went A-Courtin,” I wrote the lyrics: “There once was a little girl who lived with me, with me. There once was a little girl who lived with me, with me. She lived under the ground, right by me in the safe and sound, now can’t you hear me caw, caw, caw?” A few years later, I followed that up with “Love Spell” and “Passionate Kisses,” which were shower gels that my mom used. Here I was, a nine-year-old girl, writing things like “Love Spell, how could you do this to me? I’ve loved you ever since I was three and now, you’re breaking up with me” and “Passionate kisses to my mother, passionate kisses to my brother, passionate kisses to everyone I meet.” Back then, writing was just writing to me, but as I got older, writing became my outlet, it became the way I expressed myself. I learned how to play the piano and started putting my songs to music and it was such a cathartic experience for me.

Growing up, I was bullied a lot and writing and creating music became how I worked through my emotions, became how I prayed to God, and how I heard from Him. For me, when I’m creating, everything else fades away and I feel at peace. I’ve never tried drugs before, but I can’t imagine a better high and release than writing and creating. For a while, I mostly kept my songs to myself, they were my babies and I nurtured them and protected them. But, when I was in my teens, I began sharing them with people outside of my immediate family, and that was a whole different kind of high. Being bullied made me realize the importance of words and how much power they hold, and I knew that I wanted to share my words, my creations, to help people. It’s scary to, essentially, share your journal with other people, but when you see that your creation has helped someone heal, has made them not feel alone, or has helped them see things in a new light, it all becomes worth it.

When I was around eleven, my writing and creating began to include poetry as well. It was no surprise since I spent a lot of my time picking a word and going through all of its rhymes, which I still do to this day. I actually once told on myself because I accidentally cussed while rhyming, and that memory holds a special place in my heart. It may seem odd that I started writing songs first, but that’s just my experience with it. Because songs do incorporate poetry, in a way, it was easier for me to transition to writing poems. Poetry allowed me the opportunity to write without being stuck in a box, unless I wanted to be. If I wanted structure, I could write a Sonnet, Villanelle, Ghazal, etc., but if I wanted freedom, I could write in Free Verse, Blank Verse, or do my own thing. Poems and songs are so closely related, yet they are so different, and I find it fascinating. They all have rhythm, a flow, but many poems cannot be sung, and many songs cannot be turned into poems.

For some, the whole process is easy, but for me, the process can be long and hard. I usually have no problem coming up with the words, but they don’t always flow the way that they should, so I have to workshop the song or poem to get the flow that I’m looking for. Sometimes I’ll even leave the song or poem and come back to it months later, and suddenly realize what I need to do to make it work. Writing songs and poems has helped me work through my thoughts and feelings, while also being productive. When I’m creating, all my problems seem manageable and small. Creating has seen me through the worst times in my life and also the best, and there is no doubt in my mind that it is one of the reasons that I am still alive today.