My Journey Continues

The woman in the picture above was my grandma. We called her Naynay and she was the most understanding woman. I shared a lot of similar interests with my grandma and even though she is gone I will continue to keep her alive in my memory.

My 5th Grade graduation was before I moved in with my day. I moved in with my dad when I was in 6th Grade. This is when things took a turn for the worse in my opinion. Honestly, I moved in with my dad for what I thought was stability, but in reality just because he hadn't moved in many many years, it was a very unstable environment.

My 6th grade year was nothing more than a rollercoaster ride of emotions and actions that later I would regret. This is when my life took a turn for the road I stayed on for many years. I started 6th grade and made many friends and many enemies as well. It was like what high school is like in my opinion. I dated a few guys, got my heart broken a few times, made a fool of myself, made a fool of others, and yet it was the teachers and councilor that made the experience there worth while. I was always an A B Honor Roll student and that didn't change until high school. I loved science class because my teacher was so cool. Many other students made fun of him, but I like him. I thought he was a great teacher.

All of the teachers were great teachers except for the Social Studies teacher. I heard rumors that she had been a high school teacher but ended up having sex with a student and had to move schools or something like that. Who knows? She taught our class lazily and her "husband" did look a lot younger than her. He would come in with their kid sometimes and bring her junk food. She always ate junk food and drank diet coke. I remember we all used to talk about how stupid that was because the sugar in the sweets will make you just as fat as the sugars in soda. It was science inside of our Social Studies class for 3 years.

We had awesome teachers all throughout 6th, 7th, and 8th Grade. We had an English Teacher in 6th grade who loved Virginia Tech and The Red Hot Chili Peppers. She was the teacher that motivated me the most. And she was gorgeous! The boys always had some dirty remark to make about their 'thoughts' of her. But she was very pretty and had a cute baby and was happily married. She was the ideal role model! She pulled me aside after class one afternoon and told me my grades were slipping. She helped me a lot and made me get my head out of the clouds and focus on my education. Unfortunately, she left our school after that year. Probably all of the nasty remarks the boys would make to her.

We got a new English teacher in 7th grade. I went to school with her son when we were in 4th grade. I guess he told her we were a couple or something because I think she despised me. She was always so snarky and the boys made her cry one time. But she stuck it out through the 2 years we were there. At the end of the year we had C.R.C.T. (Criterion-Referenced Competency Tests). I made a perfect score on the English section and shocked her. I remember thinking to myself, "For someone you said was not using full potential, I proved you wrong."

While these years were so full of excitement, there were many things going on that should not have been. For one, when I was in 6th grade I dated a boy for nearly 2 years and we had sex and all that. He used to sneak over to my dad's house and we would go for walks near the highway or just make out in a ditch. It was pretty lame. He did take me to a water park once which was fun. But I decided pretty quickly I wasn't staying with him forever.

In 8th grade I started talking to high school boys. I thought it would be "cool", but it really wasn't. It was so dumb. I dated a guy for like 6 months that purposed to me and was cheating on me with like 3 girls and a guy. Yes you read that correctly. He was a sex addict I think, even though he was only a sophomore.

After that sex became like the big have to for me. I started dating older guys and getting into situations I shouldn't have been in as well as just having occasional hook-ups here and there. I lost focus of what was important and just started doing things that could have killed me. I decided to start dating someone again and stop hooking up. I wanted a relationship.

I dated a guy on and off for about 6 months that couldn't make up his mind who he wanted to be with, and I decided to move on from that when he waited for me to take a trip with my dad to break up with me. When we got back from the trip, a good friend of mine set me up with a guy she knew that was single.

We started dating and things moved really quickly. Before we knew it we were going to be parents. Yikes! 15 and pregnant and unsure of what to do, I moved in with him. We moved close to my mom so that I could see her anytime I wanted. It wasn't much but it worked out for a bit. We moved to a bigger place after my first son was born. Still close to my mom of course. Then we got a visit from the state. Long story short we got married to keep from having to live separately so that we both could watch our son grow. It wasn't built to last though. Close to my 17th birthday I was talking with an old friend and something snapped in me. A part of me knew he and I were not a good match. I wanted to get out of the marriage as soon as possible. I started talking to exes to just ruin it. I wanted him to just end the marriage. But I had to tell him myself that I wanted out. So I did. My mom talked me into leaving my son there with his dad and her and her husband because she knew exactly what was going through my mind. I played victim for so long on this and as I've gotten older I realize that my mom knew that I was not in a good state of mind to make sure my son was taken care of.

I moved in with my dad and started partying and hanging out with people that liked to party. I was in and out of relationships for a bit and then I started dating a guy that was about 10 years older than me. Talk about my taste in men. I should've known that wouldn't work out either. We were together 2 years we both ruined the trust between us and we split.

After that I went back to dating on and off until I met HIM. This man was everything I thought I wanted. He was like Mr. Right wrapped in ribbons. We dated for a while and then we moved in together. We had 2 boys together and after the first one we got married. I was the only one that worked while he sold drugs to make a living for 4 years. 4 years and 2 kids later I am sitting here asking myself why did I ruin my life with an abusive man. He went to jail about 3 or 4 times while we were together. He went to jail in November the last year we were together and I remember thinking, "I'm tired of living this way. I never see or talk to anyone anymore. I'm doing what I want to do now." And I did. I went out and hung out with old friends and made new ones. I hooked up with a guy from work that I thought would be a good hook up and never really have to worry about anything. But something changed in me after that. I was no longer the scared and broken woman that had been torn down so many times and spit on and stepped on. We stayed together after he got out of jail. Only for a month or so. But I decided that I was done.

It was New Years Eve and of course I was working night shift. I had a couple of drinks before leaving and then drove over to see my 'fling'. He was pretty drunk by the time I got there. I told him I couldn't stay long and we talked for a couple of hours. We had been talking for weeks after our first hook up. Of course the man I was married to was waiting on me to get home so I went as soon as I realized the sun was coming up. I pulled into the driveway and sat in the car for a bit. I got out and went inside and kept cheering myself on. I got inside, got changed and sat at the table with a bottle of liquor. My husband got up and asked where I had been. I told him work. He didn't believe me of course. I told him I wanted a divorce and I took a shot of the burning liquid before me. He turned pale as a sheet and started going off. He threatened to kill himself as he had done in the past when I had tried to leave. So I told him to go for it. That I had my phone ready to call an ambulance. I told him I would do it for him if that's what he needed. I was no longer going to be treated the way he treated me. I finally was free.

My 'fling' became my full time boyfriend and he is honestly the best thing to come into my life. We are working on ourselves together but we will get there. I currently have my 2 youngest children and my oldest is growing up so fast. I miss him. We talked on the phone a bit here and there, but I would like to see him sometime soon.