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My Husband Always Wants Me To Apologize (When Your Husband Can't Say Sorry)

Are you in a marriage where you're sadly saying my husband always wants me to apologize? If you are, and you're feeling like your marriage is being destroyed because of it, then it's time that you understand the truth to why this is happening. This article will show you what to do when your husband can't say sorry.

By Melody KhloePublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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Have you ever noticed that there is one person always present no matter who we are in conflict with or what the conflict is about?

What a coincidence!

Perhaps if we just didn't show up for these conflicts they wouldn't occur.

I heard a story on National Public Radio on July 11th, 2010 that reminded me of the subtle and, perhaps, subconscious ways in which we contribute to a conflict without our even being aware of it.

The story was about a couple (I'll call them Jane and Joe) who had been married for several years and had a young child. They no longer had sex because Jane, by her own admission, had lost interest.

Joe was about to go on a business trip to Turkey. Jane, feeling guilty, gave Joe permission to have an affair while on the trip. Joe had never asked for such "permission."

When Joe returned from the trip, he said nothing. Although desperate to find out, Jane waited several days before asking Joe if he had chosen to have an affair. When asked, Joe admitted that he did and that, moreover, he was in love with the woman and wanted a divorce.

Jane was devastated. She had never expected Joe to actually follow through on her offer. The couple's friends all sided with Jane and blamed Joe for this betrayal.

Jane and Joe went to counseling, which didn't save their marriage. However, to her surprise, Jane discovered something about her subconscious desires.

Jane discovered that she gave Joe permission to have an affair because she had wanted a divorce for some time but was not willing to be the one to initiate it. By encouraging Joe to have an affair, she had relieved herself of the responsibility of having to make that choice. Joe made it for her. This allowed Jane to feel justified in her anger and to blame Joe for the breakup of her marriage while still maintaining her self image as the innocent victim of Joe's betrayal.

This is not to excuse Joe. He was, after all, the one who had the affair. He could have chosen otherwise.

Rather, the story, which was narrated by Jane herself, suggests that, before blaming others for some wrong or slight done to us, we should consider how we may have contributed to the very situation about which we are angry. This is difficult to see especially because, as with Jane, it's a blind spot and, by definition, we're blind to our blind spots.

I don't recall where I heard it. I wrote the following on a piece of paper without attribution: If the person we are currently blaming for our problems were no longer in the picture, who would we find to blame instead?

The point is that we think the person we're blaming for our problems is the cause of those problems. Are they? Or is this an example of us showing up at the scene of a "crime" we've committed but claiming we are just the innocent victim?

4 Conflict Resolution Practices That Work Like a Charm

One spouse does or says something the other disagrees with. Within minutes an argument begins. Hurtful, degrading and disrespectful words are said in anger, voices are raised and no one is mature enough or willing to say I am sorry.

Always remember that conflicts can be prevented and there is a correct way to resolve them.

Let us look at four practices to help you with conflict resolution in your marriage.

Be Willing to Listen

Sometimes couples spend more time listening to themselves while blocking out what their spouse has to say. We have found that being able to sit and listen to someone saying words you feel are unreasonable or hurtful, is an art that is sometimes extremely difficult to master. However, once mastered you will be able to save yourself and your spouse many conflicts.

The next time you and your spouse have a conflict decide to stop, listen and think before responding.

Saying I am Sorry will not Kill you

Too many couples find it difficult to say these simple words, "I am sorry". They do not cost anything but are some of the most powerful words that can help save your marriage.

When was the last time you had a conflict and you were the first to say I am sorry. There are times that your spouse is definitely at fault and he or she needs to say those words. However, your attitude needs to be, "I am willing to do anything to save my marriage".

Sometimes you have to Eat Humble Pie

If more couples exercised humility in their marriage they would have a healthier, happier and more loving marriage. But instead, they allow their pride to overshadow what is most important. To them, being right is more important than doing what is right. What about you? Is this your attitude?

When ever you are tempted to become proud and arrogant in your marriage think about this verse in Proverbs chapter sixteen and verse eighteen which says, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall". If you want to destroy your marriage then continue being haughty. But if you want to save your marriage you may have to eat some humble pie once in a while. Trust me it does not taste as awful as you may think.

Forgiveness is Moving on

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you have to be able to quickly forgive. It is not enough to say I forgive you but each time a new conflict arises you rehash past hurts and issues.

Forgiveness is dealing with issues and moving on. Therefore, if you told your spouse you forgave them and you have not moved on, there is really no forgiveness. Decide that you will resolve each conflict independently.

Bottom Line

There are many more practices that you can use to resolve conflicts but if you start with these four you are one step closer to saving your marriage.

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick that will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed, and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here

Thinking about regaining the status of "Happily Married"? It is possible, and is not difficult if you think it is not. But exactly how you do so? If you would like the source most couples used to revive their relationship, strengthened their marriage, regain trust and love in the marriage and not giving up then visit Secrets To A Happy Marriage

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