My guardian angel

So many nights I stay up crying and thinking how can this be real?Many people say best friends are one a in a million and don't ever let them go. How do I explain our love, laughs and all night chats. When we met everything was dark and you gave me light. When you left me you gave me the light I needed in the dark. We went through life's ups and downs. You never failed to shine. Even when you woke me up after a working a night shift. How can someone in so much pain love me and be my light when I was afraid to shine? You can talk to thousands of people they will say how there "ride and die" friend went on crazy adventures. We went on more then one can even speak of. The one thing no one can say is how their friend gave their life for them. How do I thank you for being there when I had no way out. I stay up praying I can say thank you. I want you to know I restarted my life after you stayed and died. I often think how can someone love me enough to take pain so I could be free. I wished for a long time I could have one moment with you and let you know I'm free because of what you did. You gave me a new life. My dear bestie I look at my tree every day I promised you I would get if you died and make you into a tree. A tree which gives life. I say thank you for loving me to the tree that now holds your soul. Thank for never leaving me when I had no way to an escape my abuser. Many days you didn't know I had starved because my abuser was scared I was planning to escape. You told me it would get worse and to leave when I told you he kicked me and disabled. I replay your words every day. I prayed you were kept safe. Every night I dreamed of our new life. Never once did I see my way out. I was told by everyone but you to not report abuse. I was told I caused the starving, put downs and bruises. You said even after my abuser disabled me leaving me to die and I deserved a second chance.You said I was strong when said I was in pain.You told me you wanted to give me a new beginning because I never gave up or hurt anyone. I was your light, you said and you were shocked that all I wanted was love. No revenge, hate and anger was in my heart. You said you were too hurt to go on. I wouldn't believe it. I wanted to you to hold on so I could give you freedom. The secrets you told me are safe locked in my heart. The one secret I had to speak up was when I told you to leave your abuser. You said you wouldn't leave till I was safe.This cost you your fait. You stayed so I could leave and end up in your arms. We planned our new life. A big house surrounded by a flower garden. Building a loving new life. We never thought how can we would included 9 crazy cats in the house. We never got to argue how to decorate the kitchen or have all night ice cream break up chats. Laughter never filled our house. I come back to reality and see your last text. Then I realize that horrible night was real. Your husband killed you because you stayed that extra week before running aways so I could be free. You truly were my "ride and die" friend. I have a new life because you gave me your life for me.