My friend, you are being gaslighted (gaslit?)

Had to get this off my chest.

Because I want to smash in the head of a husband a best friend friend has. He is a strange little man. I always thought so. But recently, since they got married, and his financial and work situation changed, he appears to be manipulating her, gaslighting her, acting threatened by her newfound confidence.

He is trying to destroy her, and he is doing it steadily and surely over time, always with a smile on his face, negating his awful comments with 'I'm only joking.'

Don't get me wrong, he hasn't physically touched her.

But emotionally, financially, socially, he is continuing to try and control her life, her finances, her social life.

She is vulnerable; she's been through this before.

I remember a really strange thing he said to us, her friends, in front of her, last year:

"She's not strong like I am."

Hang on a second buddy, let's back that truck up. I did actually (gently but firmly) call him out on this when he said it. I told him that she IS strong, but that strength looks different in different people. She has been through a lot, has a lot of challenges, is only just learning that she is okay to stand up for herself, that the world isn't going to end if she stops being a people-pleaser and putting up with abuse.

It turns out she is a lot stronger than him now. She earns more, has friends (he doesn't). She is capable, has hobbies, ambitions, things she is passionate about. He doesn't appear to have anything really going for him. He sits on the sofa, refuses to leave the house or go anywhere with her.

He won't contribute to household costs, yet expects her to buy him expensive things. But he won't buy them out of HIS money.

He moans at her for having friends.

He hates that she goes out, has people around her.

He makes digs every time she spends money. HER money.

He won't. Give. Her. A. Penny.

She is paying ALL the joint bills. She is getting sick through stress and worry.

He tells her he cares, and appreciates her. Yet won't help or contribute.

He sulks and refuses to eat, especially if she has gone out with a friend.

He now won't go out anywhere with her, since she told him she is not paying for him anymore.

Something is really wrong with him.

I hope we can help her continue to recognise her self-worth, to set boundaries, and to not keep backing down because she is scared to be alone.

No relationship is worth abuse, manipulation, probably leading to stress-related illnesses and even chronic illness.

I hope she can stay strong.

He has lost control. So he is ramping it up. Threatening to leave, accusing her of cheating, ramping up the moaning and the complaints. I hope in time she can see these behaviours for what they up; a deep-seated need to control her, because of insecurity.

I hope she can remain her own person. Because she IS fantastic. And he needs to grow a pair and stop being a bully.