I never thought I would have to write this letter. I never thought I would wake up one morning with dozens of missed calls and texts from your parents. I never thought I would have to dress in all black and attend your funeral.
We always talked about the things we would do together. We were supposed to hike the Grand Canyon. We were supposed to go camping in the Rocky Mountains. We were supposed to get coffee every Tuesday at our favorite coffee shop. We were supposed to weather it all together. You were supposed to have kids, get married, and be the CEO of the company you always talked about starting.
The crazy thing is, I knew you weren't as happy as you pretended to be. I knew you felt empty. I didn't know you didn't want to fight anymore. You were never a burden. I knew what you were going through, but you promised me you wouldn't leave me alone. You told me you were going to be my friend forever. And, it's saddening to find out forever was so short.
I want you to know you had hundreds of people who wrote to you. Not one person had a single bad thing to say about you. Everyone said you were there for them. People said your existence made them happy—you pulled them out of their darkest places with your smile and how generous you were with your time for them. People prayed for you and your family. People miss you. I miss you.
I want you to know you got thousands of flowers and cards. It felt like a million people showed up for your calling hours and your funeral. There wasn't any room to walk around. All the seats and then some were taken. People brought pictures of you to share with your parents. We even held a candlelight vigil in your honor. You felt so alone all the time, but you weren't.
I want you to know you were loved by so many people. I would switch places with you in a millisecond. You deserved all the happiness in the world because you gave it to other people. You were so selfless. You would've given the shirt off of your back for anyone. You were there for people even if they weren't there for you. You made people laugh. You made people want to be around you. You were always smiling despite the pain you felt inside of you. You had a heart made of gold.
I want you to know I am sorry. I am sorry I couldn't be there for you in the ways you needed me to be. I am sorry I didn't return your texts. I am sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I am sorry I am selfish and wish you were still here. I am sorry I missed our coffee date because I had to work. I am sorry you felt all this pain within your golden heart. I am sorry I couldn't take away that pain. I would do anything to have you back. I would do anything to have you singing at the top of your lungs in the front seat of my car. I wish I could hear the terrible jokes that you so clearly got from a Laffy Taffy wrapper. I wish I could hold you again. I want to feel your heartbeat again. I would sell all of my belongings to talk you out of killing yourself. I am so lost without you.
I wish I could tell you it gets better. I promise you, you were never alone. You were so entirely loved by the people around you. You didn't deserve the demons you had. I wish you could've killed the pain and not yourself. I wish I could tell you your life plan; maybe then you would still be here. I wish you could feel the love I have for you. I wish I could've been you. I wish I could've saved you. I am sorry I couldn't.
I wish you found your peace. You are free from all your pain. May your sweet soul rest. You will never leave my heart.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please seek help. Call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You are loved. You will be missed so much. You are golden. You are important. Please don't take your life. I need you. The world needs you.
About the Creator
Bea Marie
20-something-year-old trying to find the humor in life. You can find me working at coffee shops and leafing through books at any store that has a book section. Real-life experiences are intertwined in every piece I write. Enjoy!
Hidden Happiness
The world in which we live, is constantly changing, and this applies even more so in these days in which we live. With the implementation of AI into the workplace, people are beginning to fear for their jobs. With the rumors of wars circulating across the globe people are falling into fearful states, that are spurred on by changes, the likes of which we have never in human history, experienced before.
By Kaylon Forsyth6 days ago in Humans
"Shores of Peacefulness: A Day of Rapture at the Ocean side"
The sun rose into the great beyond, projecting a brilliant gleam across the serene waters of the sea. Seagulls took off above, their cries reverberating through the pungent air as the delicate beat of the waves lapped against the sandy shore. It was an ideal day at the ocean side, and for Emily and her family, it guaranteed vast experiences and loved recollections. As they showed up at the ocean side, Emily's heart expanded with energy. She could scarcely hold on to feel the warm sand between her toes and the cool sea breeze all over. With a screech of pleasure, she ran towards the water, her giggling dragging along her like a strip in the breeze. The ocean side was buzzing with movement, as families and companions accumulated to partake in the daylight and the ocean. Youngsters constructed transcending sandcastles, their minds roaming free as they etched turrets and channels with their small hands. Couples walked connected at the hip along the coastline, lost in murmured discussions and sneaked kisses. Also, surfers rode the peaking waves, their chuckling blending with the thunder of the sea. For Emily, the ocean side was a jungle gym of vast potential outcomes. She went through the early daytime sprinkling in the waves, feeling the pungent shower on her skin as she moved in the midst of the surf. She gathered shells along the shore, wondering about their mind boggling shapes and lively varieties. Furthermore, she covered her feet in the warm sand, feeling the earth underneath her toes as she delighted in the basic delight of being alive. In any case, the genuine wizardry of the ocean side woke up in the early evening, as the sun plunged low overhead and the world was washed in a delicate, brilliant light. Emily's family assembled around a popping huge fire, their countenances enlightened by the gleaming flares as they simmered marshmallows and shared stories underneath the stars. As the fire snapped and popped, Emily felt a feeling of harmony wash over her — a sensation of having a place and happiness that she knew must be found at the ocean side. Here, in the midst of the excellence of nature and the glow of friends and family, she felt really alive, her heart spilling over with appreciation for the basic joys of life. As the night wore on and the stars sparkled above, Emily and her family clustered together, enveloped by covers and loaded up with the glow of the fire. They giggled and sang, their voices ascending into the night sky like a chorale of heavenly messengers as they praised the magnificence of the ocean side and the delight of being together. Also, as the fire consumed low and the last coals blurred into the haziness, Emily realize that she would convey the sorcery of this day with her until the end of time. For in the core of the ocean side, in the midst of the sand and the ocean and the stars, she had tracked down a piece of herself — a piece that would continuously have a place with the sea, and to the vast undertakings that looked for her on its shores. As the night extended, the ocean side took on an otherworldly quality, the twilight moving on the waves like a gleaming cover of silver. Emily and her family waited by the fire, sharing stories and chuckling long into the evening. The delicate sound of the sea filled in as a mitigating setting to their discussions, its musical rhythm calming them into a condition of quiet happiness. As they at long last advanced back to their ocean side house, Emily felt a feeling of significant appreciation wash over her. The day at the ocean side had been all that she had expected and the sky is the limit from there — a day loaded up with giggling, love, and remarkable minutes imparted to individuals she treasured most. As she floated off to rest that evening, the waves reverberating in her ears, Emily realize that she would convey the memory of this day with her generally. For in the excellence of the ocean side and the glow of her family's affection, she had found where her heart could really find a sense of contentment — where each second was loaded up with wizardry, and consistently was a gift to be enjoyed.
By Nameless writer3 days ago in Humans
Comments
Bea Marie is not accepting comments at the moment
Want to show your support? Send them a one-off tip.