My First Love...

I was 25 years old when I met the most beautiful woman in the world. Her name was Amy and she was 22. She was my first proper girlfriend and she's the love of my life.

We met on POF. After several messages to each other she agreed to go on a date with me. We arranged to see Spectre at Reel cinema and then go for a meal at Piccolino's.

It was the 7th of November 2015. A Saturday. Cloudy, cold. But the best day of my life. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was running a bit late, but she was stood outside the cinema we agreed to meet at. Her hair was messy because of the wind, she had no makeup on and a Vans backpack over her shoulder. I was sweaty and out of breath because I was late and had to run the rest of the way.

We went inside and bought our tickets. We shared a large tub of sweet popcorn, she had a Fanta Frozen and I had a coke. We settled in our seats and spoke before the film started. We hit it off straight away.

We had so much in common. We were both gamers, shared the same taste in music and some films. Had the same sense of humour. In short we were a perfect fit for each other.

After the film ended we decided to go to The Punchbowl for a few drinks before we went for the meal as we had some time to kill. I asked her what she wanted and she said a pint of Strongbow. It was at that moment I knew she wasn't like any other girl I knew. And it was at that moment I knew she was the one.

We talked about everything. Our jobs, families, pets, favourite games, films, music. Everything. There wasn't any awkward silences between us. Eventually it got to the point where we realised we'd missed our dinner reservation so we decided to have something to eat in the pub. I ordered some chips and onion rings for us to share and a curry for her, with a jug of Cheeky Vimto to wash it down with.

We laughed and joked all night until it was time to go home. I walked her back to her house and we stood under a streetlight. She hugged me and I kissed her on the cheek before she gave me a kiss on the lips. We said goodnight to each other and she went inside. I left smiling.

When I got home my phone beeped and a text came through saying, ''Thank you for tonight, I had a great time.''

For the first time in my life I had the biggest grin on my face. I was happy.

Our second date was pretty much the same at the same pub, but with more gentle ribbing towards my ''bald head'' which was a running joke between me and my friends that she was now privy to. It was during this date that I learned she had mild Cerebral Palsy. She told me she struggled with day to day tasks such as bathing, dressing, making cups of tea or dinner, but she tried not to let it bother her. It certainly didn't bother me. I respected her for getting on with her life, I was proud of her. I still am.

The same thing happened again. I walked her home, we stood under the streetlight and we kissed more passionately this time. She went inside and I went home.

Our third date was watching Christmas lights turn on during a little street party hosted by a very funny stage actor. Before the lights turned on I slipped my hand into hers and smiled at her. She smiled back and rested her head on my shoulder. That's the moment I fell for her. The lights came on and it was such a perfect moment.

We went to Yates pub, had some more drinks, more laughs and then she held my hand and said, ''Shall we make a go of it?''

I said "yeah" and the rest is history. We went back to her house that night. I remember standing outside her bedroom door whilst she was talking to her mum. I laughed so hard my sides hurt when Amy called her mum a fucking bitch for hiding a pack of Kopperberg's from her.

We went into her room and we played Mario Kart 8 for a few hours on her Nintendo WiiU. Afterwards we got undressed and got into bed. We were facing each other when she stroked my face and called me gorgeous. We held onto each other all night.

We had a great few months together and on New Years Eve 2015 I threw a little party that during which I proposed to her. She said yes. My friends and family cheered. Life was great for a while. We did everything together. We went to Pizza Hut, the cinema, Five Guys, and gigs. I never wanted to be away from her, I couldn't bear to spend time without her. I spoiled her because she was my princess and she spoiled me because I was her prince. We loved each other very much.

Then I lost my job and life changed. I was bullied in school which caused me to have depression and losing my job made it worse. I changed. I was nasty towards her. I never meant to hurt her. She was my angel, she saved my life. I just lost control and lashed out. That's no excuse. I regret it everyday. I'm sorry for what I have done.

Anyway, on the 3rd of July 2017 she broke up with me. It was the worst day of my life. I lost the love of my life, my future wife, future mother of my children and my best friend. All because I refused to listen.

I can't hate her for this. I hate myself. I'm angry with myself. I understand why she broke up with me, but losing her is something I just can't live with. I honestly thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together. She was my everything. My rock. When I was feeling down, she'd sing me to sleep. I'd cry on her shoulder as she sang, ''You are my sunshine.''

Now two months on, and it's not getting any easier, it's getting harder without her. I love her so much. I want to make it work more than anything in this world. I want to make our little family whole again.

She knows deep down that I'm not a bad person. Despite all the arguments we had and all the times she upset me, I knew she didn't mean it. I loved her enough to see past all her faults and all the bad times because the good times meant more to me.

Just like a diamond, her imperfections are what make her unique and they're what make her perfect for me. She's my diamond. My life. It revolves around her. I will never get over her and I don't want to. I will never love anyone else like I love her and I don't want to.

The moral of this story is when things go wrong, don't take it out on the people you love and care about the most. The people who try to help you and make things better. Because you'll only push them away. You'll only make them wish you never existed. And that's the worst feeling in the world, one that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

Be good to each other. Be kind. Love is important. Love is everything. Love is what makes us human.

I love you, Amy Louise Lee xxx