My First Boyfriend

Boys, boys, boys. It all starts when a boy gives you attention and you were already insecure because society says you should be tiny, but have big boobs/butt. It’s quite hard being a young adult in today’s society, let alone a girl. I remember my first boyfriend like it was yesterday. I was 13 and it was the first time a guy even looked at me in that way.

We will call him Benny, but he was in a relationship with a girl that had super low self-esteem. She was younger than both of us, but was a little crazy when it came to Benny. He started flirting with me, but I was a little naive and didn’t understand. I was the nerdy girl with huge boobs after all. So either he wanted to cheat off my math homework or stare at my chest like the other boys. My stomach wasn’t a size 2, but it wasn’t big either. My brother told me to stay away from him because he has a reputation due to the fact he hung out with the stoners.

So he finally broke up with his girlfriend at the time, Sierra. She freaked out and told his mom that they were still together. So our first date to the state fair with his parents also included Sierra and his friends. I remember that day very well because it was the day I got my first kiss in the back seat of their Tahoe with his parents and friends in the car. It was so awkward, but luckily it was his first kiss as well. Which really pissed Sierra off because they dated for a few months and that never happened. They dropped me off and he called me like five days later.

Fast forward to our three month anniversary where we “had sex”. It’s in quotations because neither of us knew what we were doing so technically it was just dry humping, but he told the entire school we had sex so I was now known for being a huge slut. All of the guys starting hitting on me and grabbing my butt, it was definitely terrifying. He swore up and down it wasn’t him so we kept seeing each other. I gave him a blow job and threw up on him and he didn’t tell anyone that so I guess he was trying to seem cool. A month later I found out he was cheating on me and I went a little crazy. I told him I was pregnant when I wasn’t, but he ignored it anyways. I was bullied by the girls and guys of the school so badly that I switched schools. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, but I was never good with guys after that. I was insecure and slutty, unfortunately. I am now married at the age of 20 with a baby on the way, but trust me, my self-esteem still isn’t great.

I’ve slept with so many guys who just used me then acted like I was disgusting trash or something. Some would tell me they loved me because I wouldn’t put out right away. They took months out of their lives to lie to my face just for sex. How strange. As for Benny, he is currently in jail on drug charges and theft. Sierra got pregnant at 16 and moved out of state to live with her cousin. I never talked to her after Benny left me for another girl. He did try to borrow money from me multiple times saying his mom needed it, but she is a very successful nurse so I doubt that. He would try to manipulate me by saying I owed him. Sometimes I’d give in because of my low self-esteem that he messed with. I thought I was such a great girlfriend to him and every other guy I dated, but they were all toxic relationships mainly because I jumped into them too soon. Someone said it was daddy issues because my dad is just like these guys to his girlfriends, but I hate him so oh well.