My Family Are My Circle

My life ended in the year of 2015 thanks to endless drinking and self-doubt. It was resurrected in 2016 however, thanks to the person who I would later call my wife and the mother of my children. Because of her, the years prior to our meeting would later be scratched out and replaced by nothing but bad memoirs. And, in return, be graced with nothing but happier times ahead with a more polished outlook on life. That's when I knew the difference between true happiness and make-believe enthusiasm. For when I found her – I found my life all over again.

I was in a pretty awful state back in 2015, to be fair. With recycled rounds of binge drinking at the local pub to mundane club nights in a city I quite literally despised. All of this circulated around a group of people who I assumed were my closest friends. However, with more thirst came more nausea. And those people who I looked to for guidance slowly crumbled into the shards of a mirror portraying only misery and self-loathing. That's when I knew the seriousness of the situation and how I needed help from somebody other than an enabler.

I wanted to tell my widening friendship group the things I was feeling. I wanted to pour my heart and soul into drunken conversations over a few brotherly hugs and laughable tears. But, I never did. I couldn't feel the connection anymore and was never able to find the time to bring up my concern over the rollercoaster I hung my thread of emotions on. Instead, I played it quiet, and I continued to laugh and play just the same as any other day. Come 2016, I was sick, and I was tired of carrying on. I needed somebody to course me away from the tightening cord wrapping itself around me. I needed her.

Hollie came into my life in February 2016 in a fractured state just the same as I. With the same amount of bad memories over the course of the previous year and a shortening patience towards large groups and fake friends – she too needed an escape. And, it was because of that, that we immediately clicked and found comfort in one another's hunger for happier times.

For years Hollie and I declined on a path towards shambolic grounds. For years we longed for a swift change of patterns and a reason to move on with our lives. That, strangely enough, began with the cutting of two cords between both friendship circles we involved ourselves in. By doing that, we swept aside the constant fear of meeting everybody's standards and maintaining any level of face. With that, we removed the worlds expectations and began looking to build our own.

We admitted where the problem idled, and we acted accordingly. And, whilst it was debatable whether or not it was just our own stubbornness or a more external problem, it was evidently clear that we needed to start over. We wanted to turn over a new leaf and abandon the drama always floating about between friends. We wanted a new life, where only two people made up a circle and no more. That's when we decided to move away and seek happiness elsewhere.

Pushing forward three years and our house has become a home. We have two beautiful children and a third expected in February 2020. There is hardly any drama left amongst our household. And, when it does creep up it's usually from an old acquaintance or relative looking for an input. But we keep to ourselves and ignore any storm that passes our way. By doing so, we've avoided the consequences of getting involved and being caught under the spotlight. Instead, we prefer to keep our circle thin and locked down.

Coming to terms with the decisions we've made is an odd thing – truly it is. But deep down, we've learnt to understand where the root of happiness stems from. It isn't from a large group of people who're all out for themselves. It comes directly from your wife, or your husband. It flows out of your kids and makes you smile effortlessly without having to seek reasons to shine. It comes from the circle you build for yourself and choose to expand on.

To this day I can count the amount of true friends I have on one finger. He lives in London, and I maybe get to see him three or four times a year. And I'm alright with that. Because after the long and gruelling soul-search, I finally understood where my priorities stand. They're with my wife. They're with my kids and my home. That's all I'll ever need and more.

Everything happens for a reason, that's for sure. But I know I made the right decision in leaving my old life behind and starting over. And, if it wasn't for Hollie, none of it would've been made possible. So, to my beloved wife, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Without you, there wouldn't be a circle . With you, it's more complete than ever.

#DaySeven #VocalChallenge2020 #Families