My Entire Life is on Social Media

I am the absolute definition of "introvert." I experience a sincere struggle with finding words when I'm around other people. My reactions to social situations include freezing up, losing the ability to speak as much as others might expect, an accelerated heart rate, and a thousand terrible scenarios of how I might mess things up running through my head like a poorly edited YouTube video.

Typically, my personal set of rules require me to spend the first few visits with new people observing their vibe, communication methods, usage of slang, and general social interaction cues that signal what type of interactions I should use in order to blend in. I'm careful to understand every aspect of personality of each individual before I'm able to dive in comfortably. Which often puts people in an uneasy state, feeling as though my silence means I'm not enjoying myself. Then, I have to dig the strength and nerve up to show signs of enjoyment without exiting my comfort zone too much.

It's a lot. of. work.

Often, it becomes easiest to blend in when I follow my rules, but it still takes a great deal of time before I let people into the "real" side of me. I can't let it all out at once, or I feel as though I'm trying too hard to be seen. (Overthink, much?) Once I become better friends with people, I find that my friendships are quite often laced with comments and encouragements for me to "get out there and try different things."

Aside from being an introvert, I'm extremely cautious. I seem to have grown with this generalized fear of humanity and the world (most specifically, what both are capable of.) One time, I was invited to get in a paddle boat with friends, who begged me to experience something new for a change, and I could not do it. I wish I could explain why, but I was paralyzed by the fear of every possible bad outcome.

I cannot pinpoint the specific moment I realized I had such a strange fear of life in general, but I can tell you that not much has changed as I've gotten older. I find it an exhausting prospect to consider making new friends, and I've gone without friends in "real life" for nearly three years now. But everyone needs friends, right? Family is great, but friends are the people you get to choose to have around for whatever reasons you decide. Friends are the people you can talk to when family wouldn't understand (or do not need to know something about you), and they're the people you can go to when your significant other may not be the right person to talk to about a certain situation.

I love having friends. I absolutely value and cherish befriending people, once I get past all of the difficulties that come with me finding them. It took nearly a decade to establish the friendships I had in 2018, but I moved to another state and have yet to really form a bond where I currently live. But you know what? That's okay.

In the past three years, I created my entire social life on social media instead.

But Why?

Social media is bad. It comes with toxic strangers who take joy out of making you feel terrible, along with blatantly false information and/or articles, and dark jokes that are beyond funny, landing squarely in the "trying to be edgy but just being a jerk" category. Social media has become a hot topic of debate in regards to what it does for society. Many complain that it takes away from the personal connection people used to make; others say it's a tool to brainwash us; some think it's forcing us to miss the joys of real life in real time; then there are those who believe the government is using social media to track our whereabouts at every moment, read our private messages, giving us no privacy at all.

I can't say I agree with all of these sentiments, but I can't necessarily deny the validity of some of them. Yet I chose social media as my main form of a social life. Why would I do that?

Because I'm a nervous wreck?

No, it's a bit more complicated than that, but yes, I am a nervous wreck (enough so that my teenage son references the fact that I'm always so paranoid.)

First, Make the Friends

It's easier to make friends online rather than face to face. I've found it less overwhelming to comment on a stranger's meme, status, or personal opinion on major issues. There is no pressure of a confrontation, which I am not a fan of experiencing; and even if one arises I still have the comfort of my home and time to think before I respond. Sometimes, thinking on my feet leads my mouth to speak before my brain has time to let me know something isn't appropriate. With social media friendships, I have time to think, whereas real life demands immediate responses. My communication skills are much better in written form, so much so that even my partner consents to having certain discussions via messenger so I can express myself properly.

I've made friends easily on social media platforms, be it through mutual friends or someone I discovered shares common interests with me. That was where social media groups started to make a play for my social life via the Internet.

Online Groups

I have my specific interests, as everyone does, and discovering that social media groups exist where I can enjoy my fandoms to their geekiest extreme gave me a feeling of coming home. I remember when a friend of mine began a group for Harry Potter fans to participate in group challenges for House points, and we thrived in running the group and awarding houses monthly House Cups for participation. My friend even bought some small gifts for participants who went above and beyond. I started exploring other groups with people who had other specific interests or even shared similar life experiences. There's a certain level of comfort in having a full tribe of people who can say, "Hey, I know exactly how you feel, and we can relate entirely." With groups, I never feel alone in my emotions, and from that I form bonds with people I just vibe with beyond a common interest.

Friendships From Groups

When you're face to face with people, you sometimes come across people who you feel instantly comfortable with. Maybe it's a past life connection or a fated connection on some level, because there's that feeling you get that tells you this person is a good person and you don't have to spend time deciding it. Within the groups I've joined, I've had those exact same sensations. The best part, though, is that I'm less worried about looking clingy or weird by sharing how amazing it is to find that kind of connection. I always end up comfortable enough to tell a new friend, "I feel like we were totally meant to be friends." You can't imagine the freedom I feel in getting to say something like that without feeling a certain reservation about being too much.

Without the barrier of paranoia and anxiety, I'm able to share my emotions freely, not having to worry about facial reactions or awkward body language or how to speak the words in the right tone. It makes having my social life online a major comfort zone for personal boundaries.

A Comfortable Distance

Personal boundaries are a big deal to all of us, and with living the majority of my social life online I'm able to maintain them with more control. I'm a notorious people pleaser, so I find myself stepping too far out of my comfort zone when I'm around others physically. With communicating online, I feel less pressure, and I'm able to confidently reject a subject or suggestion because I'm not facing expressions that would guilt me out of comfort in favor of their happiness.

Another benefit to comfortable distances is with using social media to keep in touch with family. Whether they're nearby or a couple thousand miles away, the boundaries are always yours to set on how much you share with them. Some family members aren't always trustworthy, while others are ones you miss and wish to share as much as possible with. The ability to pick and choose what you share with who with a safety zone in place is a more relieving manner of maintaining comfortable relationships in family.

Why Does This Matter?

It matters because with life changing, politics creating fear and anguish, economical hardships, a global pandemic, and mental health worsening with the weight of the world, we all need something good in our lives to hold onto. Things that are comfortable, that bring contentment and joy on your terms and in your way, are what help us get through the worst of the worst. Customizable happiness at the press of a series of buttons on a website is at the fingertips of every introvert, and every extrovert who feels a lacking in a changed world. What more could we want?