My Drunk Confession of love

It had been unintentional, a mistake that was going absolutely going to haunt her for the rest of her life. She stared at the screen in front of her, the message sent and she could not believe what she had written. It wasn’t even a spur of the moment thing – well not entirely anyways.

She had been trying to get through things that had plagued her for most of her life, things that would keep coming up in dreams and thoughts, reminding her of her crappy high school life. She had thought after graduation and the years that had passed that those things would be forgotten, that she’d move on like everyone else however for an unknown reason her high school years seemed to haunt her, almost torment her.

High school had been the worst four years of her life. She had been bullied often, made to feel small and like she was worth nothing. They had hurt her and unknowingly left deep scars. After graduation she was determined to put it all behind her but as the years went on they remained in her memories, lingering around and no matter how hard she tried to push them away they always managed to come back.

After some time she decided that perhaps if she did something about it perhaps it wouldn’t haunt her any more. She didn’t know where to begin but she decided to start with the one that tormented her, the worst: Her crush that began her freshman year. He had come up in her dreams and would cross her mind unwillingly and she wasn’t entirely sure how to manage it but somehow it lead to her opening her laptop and pulling up a word document. She decided perhaps it would be best to just type out her confession as if she were going to send it to him in a message or something.

When she had completed the short note she felt some form of relief and figured if she saved it and just left it she would be able to move on knowing in the very least she had managed to get her feelings out even if they weren’t to the person. Before she knew it she and a browser open on her Facebook account and searched for him there. His name came up and she clicked on his account, careful during her scrolling.

Disappointment swept through her as she saw that he was engaged, if not married. Letting out a sigh she rolled her eyes at her actions. Of course he would be married; it’s what happened with a lot of people. They meet someone, fall in love and if they chose to they got married. Grumbling to herself she closed out of her browser and set about cleaning up before plopping back down on the sofa to watch a TV show.

As the days passed she still found herself with the urge to send him that note but fought it off. It wasn’t like there was any point in him actually knowing how she felt. The guy was in a relationship and doing that symbolically was supposed to be enough to help. Attempting to put those thoughts aside she had managed a week before she found herself sitting in front of her laptop, web page up with his Facebook profile in front of her, contemplating on sending the message.

She hummed to herself and hesitantly opened the document. She copied and pasted the note to him into messenger, her finger hovering above the enter key. She cringed slightly at the thought of hitting it but decided to close her eyes, moving her hand and pressed several keys on the board. Opening her eyes she felt immediate regret that it had been sent.

She had just sent a love confession to a guy that was probably married, someone who had never looked at her twice. Her stomach turned as she looked at the screen, wincing as she read the words. Quickly closing out the message she closed the browser and shut her laptop. She glanced at the device sitting on the coffee table cringing, immediately thinking of excuses. She wasn’t sure why but the idea of her going to a high school reunion and someone mentioning it was a scenario that often played in her head. Her first excuse to give was that she was drunk and someone dared her to do it.

A groan escaped her as she lied on her couch. “Yeah, someone dared me to.” She spoke sarcastically to the ceiling. “Or I can say I got hacked.” She snorted. “Coming up with excuses when I’ve never had any intent to attend any reunion ever nor do I have plans to speak with anyone from high school.” It was just going to be her silent mistake and something she wished she had done while drunk.