My Dating Coach Said, "Date Multiple Men"

Dating can be different for many of us, and I can only speak for myself.

In my honest opinion, and to be straightforward, dating multiple men all at once didn't benefit me, and I will tell you why and how I said it.

Early in 2020, I've had a friend with benefits relationship, and I got attached to him. He was not my type, but I got emotionally attached to him. I liked him, but I didn't like him to the point that I wanted to be in a relationship with him. I caught feelings, and HE DID NOT.

I talked to my dating coach, and I asked for help. I asked him to give me some advice on how do I hurt him.

My dating coach told me: date other guys! Date multiple men at the same time.

It was a shock to me. Then the dating coach explained:

When you date other people, you gain more power because you're taking action, and you're the one who is controlling the relationship. You're showing them that they have to work harder to get you.

Well, that makes sense. I have dated multiple men, and it worked! 

I used to go out with guys every week and have a drink with them. I had to let them know that I was also dating other people. 

One guy said he was looking for someone serious, and he wasn't playing around the field. Well, I WAS!!

I was testing the water to see which one was the best for me. I felt bad for that guy who was looking for something serious. I remembered my old self when I was looking for genuine love. When I got heartbroken, I just wanted to have fun and drink because that was the only way I knew to move on from a heartbreak. 

There was another guy I went out with, he wasn't looking for something serious, but he wanted to lose his virginity. He was twenty-two years old, and I was twenty-one; we were both virgins, but I honestly don't mind dying a virgin. 

Then, another guy I was talking to has captured my heart and I fell in love with him. I was playing on the field, and this guy changed the game. I fell in love with his charm. I changed my ways and cut off the guys I was hanging out with. This guy named Joseph was handsome, gentlemanly, sweet and funny! Who wouldn't fall for that?

It turned out that Joseph was a narcissist. I thought he was genuine, but he was using his charm to use me. He had a bad breakup, and he wanted to have fun and move on just like me!

So, I went back to one of the guys I talked with (one of the guys I was hanging out with). I wasn't attractive to him, but I got attached to him. I wanted him to like me back, but he didn't reciprocate it. 

Was dating multiple men all at once was beneficial?

I wasn't looking for something serious because I knew what I wanted to do with my life before I settled down. I was dating multiple men because I wanted to be reminded of my worth that was lost on a broken road.

It could be beneficial because if I settled down with someone, I might be the one getting hurt again. When dating men all at once, my presence and feelings were divided into at least five people, and I wasn't focusing on one guy alone. If a guy I was talking with left me, I wouldn't get hurt at all because I still had four guys; I still had options.

When I was dating men all at once, I felt drained, yet I was productive.

My dating coach told me to e busy because I don't want to make the man think he was my world. I still need to focus on myself while dating men.

Why dating multiple men all at once may not be beneficial to some extent?

Well, it depends on what you want to get from dating. I dated multiple men all at once for one reason. The reason was to get validation from them; on how beautiful I was and how worthy I was. That was it! When a guy complimented me the way I wanted, I would leave him. I'm sorry, but I got my heart broken a million times, so I guess I was taking revenge.

I was trying to build myself up from dating multiple men, but it wasn't beneficial. I would get a ten seconds pleasure and adrenaline rush from getting compliments, and then suddenly, I'd get back to being a loser and weak person. 

Dating multiple men for your own needs wouldn't benefit you because you still had to work to get compliments and validations from guys, which is too draining. 

You've got to wear make-up and nice clothes, take a selfie, and sometimes you have to send them naked pictures of yourself to keep them from coming back to you. You'll get compliments on how hot you are and how adorable you are with big ass and pouty lips.

It was too draining, and I have lost my energy talking to multiple guys simultaneously. It didn't benefit me at all. I still got insecure because those men wouldn't even take me seriously because they thought I was just a slut.

How does dating multiple men all at once isn't beneficial?

Like I said earlier, I can only speak for myself. It was too draining because I had to send the same message to all of the guys. If I text a "good morning" to one person, I will do the same for all five of them. There were times when two of them messaged me the same question asking what I was going to do on the weekend. It may be the same for them, and they were probably texting multiple girls and not just me. 

In my experience, I had a negative effect from dating multiple men all at once. I felt emptier for spending my time talking to a lot of guys at the same time. I felt like I wasn't even healing from my previous breakup.

Dating multiple men all at once may be beneficial to some extent, but if you are still healing from heartbreak, it may not be helpful at all. 

If you are dating multiple men to get validations, it may not be beneficial at all.

If you are dating multiple men all at once to see who is the best for you and who you want to be with, that would be beneficial. If you are dating multiple men, you won't get hurt easily when someone left you, which means they were not the ones for you. 

Dating multiple men all at once doesn't mean you're playing in the field; it could mean that you are taking your time to get to know other people before you settle down to the ones your heart desires. 

Overall, dating multiple men all at once may negatively and positively impact your life however you want to see it or whatever you want to get from dating numerous men all at once.