my boyfriend tells me "her son might be mine." Part 1

'I was on Facebook and I think her son looks like me.'

The questions started rolling in my mind. How old is he? Who is this girl? When did you sleep with this person?

'I promise; I did not cheat on you. I love you! Me and her; it wasn't like that.'

This became the start of 6 weeks; unwarranted anxiety and insensible reasoning.

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I immediately ask to see the child from the picture he felt so strongly about. While seeing the child from a Facebook account; I instead got the name of the woman. I ended the nights conversation on a positive note that we would get through it. But during that conversation there were accusations, skepticism while trying to be supportive.

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So, I am mad now and he is still sleeping until 12 noon like usual. This doesn't help because when he is asleep and I have so much to say; well the brain goes on to have it own conversations. Sometime that morning and while he may have been still sleep, I asked him if I could reach out to the woman? He said yes! I found an old account and wrote her these words:

Hi, I am K, I hate to write you about this but my J believes your child is his. We would like find out and do whats necessary. I know this could come as a shock from a stranger but this is hard for me. J didn't know how to address this so... I'm writing to get the conversation started.

"J who", she replies. With a puzzled look on my face I write his WHOLE name. Then you see, I did not receive a reply. Instead she wrote him directly. And maybe, just a little; I was starting to get pissed off by the whole thing. This was just the start of her acts of entitlement.

She claims that she had an idea that it could have been also. But you see this lady never came to him with any thoughts about the child possibility being his. At-least that is what he told me. She then started asking for baby pics and how it would be good that C had a father; so that is when I found out she really did not know who the father was. Although J told me about the conversations; I was boiling quietly. A Saturday that would have been mine suddenly seemed to be taken away and my thoughts were no longer mine. TO be honest I was salty; meaning I was hurt, kinda confused and a bit thrown off. That is my dictionary overview of salty.

When he was finally awake and telling me about their conversation since I had wrote I asked, "When did you sleep with her?"

He replied "In April, I'm pretty sure in April because it may have been after my friend had died. Well it was after I was dating so and so. But I don't remember anything."

Still with a lot of thoughts, I just didn't have words. I wasn't paying my own child any attention. She seemed to be fading in the background. Instead of playing like we usually do; I was very preoccupied. And I don't like being preoccupied when my child requires my company.

~~

Later, we were at Walgreen's and purchased a mail in DNA kit. I did not even know this existed but apparently they do for 140USD. They come with 4 swabs for each persons being tested. You then mail within a prepaid postage envelope and hope to receive you results within 14 days.

Afterward we went his mothers house. I learned quickly that they had already knew about what was going on. I was glad because I wanted to hear an outside opinion. I still had not told my family or friends. Maybe out of embarrassment. "If it were before you, why should you be upset." This is a statement I would hear repeatedly for days to come and from different people. This is a statement I believe is flawed. I will explain more later.

When we received the call that it was okay to come. I came along because I was invited. I would have been upset if I was not asked to come along. Once on the scene, I worked hard to maintain a smile. She looked, "just okay". My first thought was I did not have anything to worry about. But maybe the in the back of my mind I had thoughts of him wanting to be a family, if it were his? Would they feel they needed to try a relationship for the sake of a child? Could she want this man, that I love, and try to win him from me? So many unknowns.

What I did know was that the child was barely walking; like getting the confidence to walk better. So at-least after introducing myself I asked, "what was the child's birthday?" After she replied, J made a face that it could not be his. I turned away and focused on maintaining my smile giving the illusion that everything was positive. After giving generic information about myself it was all over within 15 minutes.

If I had to do it over I would have asked, "did you deliver early or late?" This would have given me more information when I started doing my homework.

You see, I was smiling to keep from crying. I was hurt by all of this and I was afraid that so much would change. I was afraid, I would have to share someone I love. I was afraid that I would have to take care of a child; if I wanted to. I was hurt that I learned something new about this man. That he slept with someone while we were talking. Maybe not while we were 'official' but while we were talking and without a condom. This was flat out, some bullshit.

~~