My Bonus Aunt, Mary

In my not-so-long life, I’ve gotten to know quite a few wonderful women. I was raised by one, I’ve been taught by many and loved by more. Aunts, grandmothers, teachers, co-workers, friends, and even public figures I’ve never met have all played a role in shaping me. This Women’s History Month, I wanted to write about one woman in particular, and that woman’s name is Mary Liuzzo Lilleboe.

Her Background

Mary, the second of five children, was raised in Detroit, MI. She was very close to her mother and had a wonderful childhood. She and her siblings were raised to read and learn, and to love without judgment.

Unfortunately, when Mary was 17 years old, tragedy struck, changing the scope of her life forever. Her mother, Viola Liuzzo drove to Selma, Alabama to assist in the fight for voting rights for the black citizens of Alabama after seeing the violence on Bloody Sunday. Mrs. Liuzzo gave her car, her time, energy, and by accounts, her tireless spirit to the movement; he believed it was, “everybody’s fight.” On March 25th, the march completed in Montgomery, AL and Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his famous, “How Long, Not Long” speech.

That night while shuttling marchers back and forth between Selma and Montgomery, Mrs. Liuzzo and her 19-year-old passenger, a black man named Leroy Moton, were spotted by a car with three Ku Klux Klan members and an FBI informant posing as a klan member. She was shot and killed. She is now known as the only white woman to be murdered in the American Civil Rights Movement.

Mary and her siblings not only had to suffer the loss of their mother but they were also met with a large amount of hatred as a result of Mrs. Liuzzo’s participation in the civil rights movement. Mary has often said that the backlash around her mother’s death was her first time experiencing hatred first hand.

But when Mary heard Dr. King speak at her mother’s funeral and refer to the men that killed her mother as, “[our] poor sick white brothers.” she realized that she could not harbor hate in her heart. After all, hatred was the sickness that led to the death of her mother, and Mary has said it would be betraying her to turn towards hate.

So for years Mary and her family have been working to keep Viola’s memory and legacy alive; along with doing their own work to carry the torch of justice forward; which brings me to our relationship.

Our Relationship

So, I want to tell a small anecdote to explain how I came to know my Aunt Mary. When I was about 17 I was scouring the depths of Netflix at three in the morning looking for anything Stockard Channing related. I had exhausted almost all of the options except for a movie called, Home of the Brave; which she narrated. I clicked on it and the documentary was about Mrs. Liuzzo’s death and legacy. The quick description triggered a scene I had seen in a mini-series about Martin Luther King Jr. when I was about five years old, and I decided to watch the documentary.

Needless to say, I forgot about my Stockard Channing hunt immediately. Instead, I was deeply captivated by Mrs. Liuzzo’s story. I cried while learning about this wonderful woman and learning about her and the toll her death took on everyone that loved her. I probably watched that documentary three times that week, because I showed it to my family, and I researched everything I could.

From that moment on, I carried Mrs. Liuzzo’s story with me. So in 2017 when I was working on my college newspaper and Women’s History Month was coming up, I knew exactly who I wanted to write about.

I wanted to do my article on Mrs. Liuzzo justice so I thought it would be a good idea to reach out to a family member. I went on Facebook and found an email for Mary. Without a second thought, I sent an email asking if she would be interested in helping me.

Something worth mentioning, I am a ball of nerves. Everything makes me anxious and the fact that I managed to send that email without second-guessing myself is already a miracle. Well, Mary answered my email the very next morning. I was ecstatic and more nervous than ever.

I sat at my kitchen table with my hands trembling, because I was far from a seasoned reporter and to me, this was a huge deal. I had done a few interviews but honestly none that meant so much to me. But as soon as she answered the phone, I felt a little calmer. She was extremely welcoming and kind, in tone alone.

We talked for about 45 minutes and it was way more than I had imagined. She gave me so much information, and as we talked I became equally interested in her herself. She spoke with so much light. When we ended the interview my head was spinning and I couldn’t wait to play the interview over and really relish over her words.

I pressed play and there was nothing but static! I scribbled down everything I could remember, which was a lot but not enough. After crying for a full day and trying all I could to pick up anything from the recording, I knew I had to talk to her again

I emailed her and told her my issue and asked if she wanted to answer a few follow-up questions through email. I felt so bad and I didn’t want to waste her time. She told me to call her.

So there I was, trembling yet again, this time in embarrassment as well as anxiety. I was ready to apologize for bothering her again and everything when she answered.

“Hi honey, how are you?”

It was like my anxiety over the situation melted. She wasn’t the least bit agitated with me. This time we talked even longer. She answered all of my follow-up questions and then some. She talked to me about her mother, about herself, civil rights & nonviolence then and now. She talked to me about, me!

She asked me how I felt about something, and now I don’t recall the specifics but she asked what I thought. I tried for a few seconds to explain myself and I decided I was rambling, and besides, she was probably asking me to be polite; right? Wrong. She asked me to try and answer because she really wanted to know what I thought. That really stuck with me, and when we ended the call and I made sure my recordings were fine and got to work.

When all was done and I was able to show her the final product, she loved it! She even sent me a special poster of her mother and a button of her as well; two things I cherish to this day. That article remains one of my favorite things that I’ve ever written.

We kept in touch, and the following year in March, I went to Selma, AL to participate in the commemoration of Bloody Sunday and to see her. I finally got to hug her and talk to her face to face.

Since then, we’ve only gotten closer. For a long time, I would email her when something was on my mind, even though she told me early on that I could call or text her whenever. I was still shy, but now I’m past that. I met her in Selma two years in a row, and I talk to her one way or another quite often at this point. She’s adopted me as her niece, and I truly think of her as my aunt.

Why I Admire Her

I really believe that Mary is an amazing woman. I could listen to her talk all day. She exudes positivity. A lot of people speak about forgiveness and living without hatred but seeing someone really practice what they preach is inspiring to say the least.

Her determination to keep moving forward is something I greatly admire. Since hearing Dr. King speak with love rather than hate towards the men acquitted of killing her mother, she’s been interested in following a path of peace and it being the 1960’s, a call for peace was very much the theme of the era.

In the 1990’s she started going down south to Selma to meet with people who were with her mother the days before her death. Selma is where she feels closest to her mother, and it was also when she started going to Selma that he began to understand the depth of Dr. King’s work and nonviolence.

In 2005 she studied nonviolence at the University of Rhode Island and earned her official certification. She is now a nonviolence trainer herself, and she continues to learn and attend workshops and practice strategies, because the thing about nonviolence, is that it is a frame of mind and a way of life. So, that means you never stop learning and growing in it. Her dedication to nonviolence and acquiring knowledge is certainly something I admire and look up to.

She’s also one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met and I am inspired by her. When we did our original article, I asked what she hoped people would take away from her mother’s legacy, and she said, “nothing should ever interfere with our ability to help others” and I see Mary as a wonderful representation of that principle. Her deep care for others is evident in her personality in even the smallest gestures.

How I've Changed Because of Her

Since I met Mary, I’ve been more interested in learning about Kingian Nonviolence and the strategies and principles that are involved. As I mentioned earlier, nonviolence is something you live and I am trying to learn to live and walk in the ideology. I’ve learned to be more patient and listen to even the most dissenting ideas and to even listen to myself and be more mindful of my own thoughts.

I also think I’ve become a bit more secure in sharing my thoughts and speaking up. I sometimes find it difficult to speak up, or even speak for that matter. At some point, I got used to saying things like, “nevermind, or I don’t know,” when I’m confronted in person with a question that I don’t have the perfect answer for; but when we talk she encourages me to get my thoughts out.

Because of Mary, I’ve met more people that I look up to & appreciate greatly, including her amazing siblings. I feel like I have an extended family that I’m now connected to.

So, to conclude things, one of the most influential women in my life is Mary Liuzzo Lilleboe, my aunt. I think it’s extremely cool to have someone you look up to and admire, and then have them become your family. There aren’t enough words for me to explain how awesome she is, and I bet that anyone that has ever met her would agree. She’s just an all-around wonderful woman, and she works hard to continue her mother’s legacy and work towards peace for everyone. To me, she’s a pillar of love and hope, and that is truly admirable.