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My Abusive Ex Part 1

The story of the abusive relationship I was in and how I finally got out of it.

By Jo. SchmidtPublished 4 years ago 8 min read

I would like to begin this story by telling everyone a little bit of background on myself. I was in a relationship with someone that I will remain unnamed throughout this story for two and a half years. This is a very true story of the abuse I endured at HIS hands. Though HE never physically abused me, HE emotionally and mentally abused me and continued to do so even after we broke up. I am now in a very serious and committed relationship with another man, whom I love with all my heart, and even though he has never done anything even relatable to the things HE did to me, I still suffer from moments of PTSD thinking about the way HE treated me, and I will get into that a little later in this series.

Part one will begin with how HE and I met and give a little bit of background on how things were before the abuse really began, but I will also go into how things were when the distrust began.

HIM and I worked together at a local grocery store. I had been working there for about three years before HE was hired. Although I saw HIM around, HIM and I never really spoke because I worked as a cashier and at the customer service desk and HE worked in grocery.

The day we met and spoke for the first time was actually the day I got amazing news that I would be moving to Orlando for a year to work in Walt Disney World. I got this news in September of 2011 and I would be moving in June of 2012. I remember finding out minutes before I had to leave for work, so I spent my entire shift very happy because I was so excited to be moving.

On my first break, I went up to the break room and HE was up there too, on HIS break. HE spoke to me first and asked how I was. Because I was so excited from the news I had received earlier that day, I told HIM, “I’m great! I just found out that I got a job in Disney World!"

I feel like it is necessary to point this out because HE knew from the moment we met that I was moving away. Yes, I still had eight months before I was moving, and yes I would be only gone for a year, but I feel like I do need to mention that HE was 100% aware that I was moving to go work in Disney World (something I had dreamed of for a very long time).

This part of my story isn’t going to be long, because, to be completely honest, the first 8 months of our relationship were great. HE was very kind and HE treated me great. The first 8 months we spent together before I moved, we were able to hang out a lot, especially since HE was fired from the store we worked at so HE had a lot of free time.

It’s funny looking back at it now and remembering why HE was fired and thinking back on how HE reacted to it. We were both born in 1992, making us millennials, and I honestly do not consider myself to be the stereotypical millennial. I have never expected to be given anything in life from nothing. I have earned everything on my own. I worked very hard at every job I ever had, I went to school and worked my way to the career I currently have. HE, however, was the complete opposite. HE was fired from the grocery store we worked at because HE no-showed for work multiple times, and called in sick over and over. Yet, HE was still offended when HE was fired and it was over four months before HE got a new job because HE felt HE was “too good” for just any job at another grocery store. My dad even tried to help HIM find a job and took HIM out job hunting. HE applied at a lumber yard and when HE went for an interview, HE told me that they offered HIM a job but they would be starting HIM at minimum wage and with a part time role, so HE didn’t take the job because HE deserved better than minimum wage. Finally, after awhile, HE settled for a job at a local gardening store. I remember HIM complaining on a daily basis that HE was the only one doing any work and no one else ever helped HIM. HE was again fired from this job when HE called in sick over 6 days in a row and refused to bring in a doctors note, because, again, HE shouldn’t have to bring in a note.

To be totally honest, I was so embarrassed by HIS attitude towards work. I was brought up taught that I have to work hard to earn things. A promotion or a good grade in school will not just be handed to me. I have to earn these things. Therefore, when I was called into work, even if I had plans with friends, I would go into work and reschedule my plans. HE had a completely different attitude towards work than I did, treating it like it was a privilege for them to have HIM as an employee and therefore, HE was entitled to call in sick whenever HE wanted, take long breaks, or just not show up to work. Me being embarrassed of HIS actions should have been a sign for me that this relationship was headed in a bad direction, however, I also didn’t want to appear as a stuck-up bitch and break up with a guy because he was fired from a job. So I stayed with HIM.

Like I said though, besides being embarrassed about this, things between us were great. I felt myself falling in love with HIM and I was nervous about leaving HIM for a whole year, but HE promised me HE was going to get a job so HE could fly down and visit me on our one year anniversary.

It was after I moved away that things began going downhill as HE began losing trust in me. I do know that in previous relationships HE had been in, HE had been cheated on, however, I swear on my life that I never cheated on HIM or any boyfriend I have ever been with. I understood that HE had trust issues, but it was upsetting for me because it was as if HE wasn’t even giving me a chance to prove to HIM that I could be faithful to HIM, because it was almost immediately that HE was accusing me of cheating on HIM. It was as if HE was assuming because we were living in different countries, I automatically was cheating on HIM.

Thinking back on my first few days in Florida, I remember feeling sad because it took me about a week to get a cell phone set up in the U.S. So for the first few days, the only contact we had was when I could message HIM on my laptop through Facebook messenger. These conversations were never long though because at the time, HE didn’t have a smartphone, so unless we were both able to be at home on our computers, we didn’t talk much. I was also very busy with moving into my apartment, going through multiple different orientations and training courses for my role. I remember Skyping HIM maybe once before I got my phone set up and that was about it.

At the time, I was sad because I wasn’t able to talk to HIM everyday and tell HIM everything that was going on with my life now that I was living in Florida. But now, I think about it and think, “wow, that was the only time I was free from HIM in the entire year I lived there.” It was the only time HE wasn’t texting me constantly, needing to know exactly what I was doing and who I was with.

I remember before I got a cell phone set up, I went to one of the Disney parks with a group of friends and had an amazing time with all of them. About a week later, when I did have a phone set up, I went to the parks with the same group of friends and my experience was so different, all because I felt like I had to cater to HIM. I had to always be messaging HIM what we were doing and what was going on. HE got upset when I didn’t message him for almost an hour because we were waiting for a ride and the entire queue of the ride had no service. I remember coming out of the ride and seeing I had over 10 text messages from HIM and 3 missed calls. This was also the first time he fought over text because my friends and I wanted to stay and watch the fireworks, but HE wanted me to come home so we could Skype, telling me I could watch the fireworks anytime because I lived there now. I remember having a really hard time enjoying the day because I was always making sure to respond back to HIM as soon as possible so HE was happy.

Things like this continued throughout the entire time I was living in Florida. It was really hard for me to make friends or to go out with people because HE would make me feel bad if I wanted to go out because HE wanted to Skype. I started getting embarrassed because if I was out with friends, I was always on my phone, because if I didn’t respond to HIS text messages quick enough, HE would call me. It made me feel like a child being controlled by a crazy helicopter parent. Because of this, there was a very long portion of time where I didn’t have a lot of friends and if I went to the parks, I went by myself. But even this wasn’t okay because HE didn’t believe me when I told HIM I was alone. HE wanted to see pictures and videos to prove that I was truly alone. If I wanted to stay and watch a show or watch the fireworks, HE could get mad at me because HE didn’t believe that I wanted to watch the fireworks alone, so I must be with someone and lying to HIM about it. NEWSFLASH! I love Disney and I enjoyed watching the shows multiple times whether I was alone or with a huge group of friends.

I think this is a good place to end part one. I know this part of my story was short, but the next part will dive into how things really took a turn when I finally did get a friend in Florida and started spending lots of time with them.

This story is difficult for me to relive so please be patient if the next part is taking a while to get posted. Thank you for reading part one of my story, please stay tuned for part two.

breakups

About the Creator

Jo. Schmidt

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    Jo. SchmidtWritten by Jo. Schmidt

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