Moving forward

The mental strain from something that we can’t let go, we create that mental fencing while holding that verbal tension.

How canthis be triggered from so many things I can’t explain. Something in my sight, touch or sound that I use to think was linked to something broken. It's something in my head, A pandemic of mental strain thinking it was something loose or lost connections. unlike so many who have left these lands, I was given this second chance to build and dream again. My self-worth inside my head was at a place where I couldn’t face the world, doing all I could to stay indoors. No matter where I walked I felt like a painting on a gallery wall, I felt as if my

life’s being streamed in a frame of my own self-worth. It’s my fault!! people’s eye’s they burn with judgement. It’s Like it's dripping down my face through emotions, like they know past. I use to feel like i couldn’t keep pace with the world beneath

my feet, my breathing deepened as I try not panic or attract attention like getting milk and bread isn’t something normal. It was like nothing I ever did was right, everything running around as My mind is full and can't escape the tormented visions or thoughts i think about myself, My brain is trolling me from within, no matter what I say or do I’m wrong!! Like it's a game i do not hold the controller for, their is no cheat codes or commands to over-ride.

I... I know I have my friends and family and know I'm not alone, but being alone and feeling lonely are two separate roads that I walked for day, weeks, months and even years. Just trying to say or write what’s on the tip of my tongue just so people can see my point of view, and everything I try to bury deep or say out loud just feels like a I've stained my soul, with the burdens of my if’s and but's that I use to seek the answers or the validations. Only I could trap me in the corners of my minds decisios as i question every situation. Replaying past events like it’s on every channel that I choose, all the thoughts, doubts, failure’s and lived becoming memories i cannot change. These become the stakes i dare not bet or gamble my moral sanity. I try my best and get knocked back by something that to you must seem so small. I've analysed my wrongs and rights but it never seems to go the way i like. The things that work for me may not for you just trying to find the things that help me through.

I woke up to see the empty frame of mind, to fight the battles of my mind and use the things that kept me down, to be the things that lift me up to make me realise that I make & control my future, My past made me who I am today with every yesterday and give me the strength to have got me to where I am. Only I hold the key to unlock the door. I decided to let the things I cannot change have no control over the things than push me forward. I do not worry about the things I cannot change so i do not attach any emotional state meaning to something that is out of my control. Why should I give the power over something I cannot change to something that would see my fail and hide. It feels like I’ve lived a thousand stories and walked a 100 roads. I will not let myself drift away among the breeze, and dissappear through the trees, I will walk more paths than ever before, all I can do is help others along the way as I build a better me and do what I love doing. My strength, power and determination guide me to who, what, where, when and why I'meant to be there.

To me all these things are the power of human nature. Even in them trying times from miles away or gardens close, we found new ways to challenge our brain and stay connected with living room gigs And that little simple walk across the land or even just a helping hand that means the world to someone like you & me. I woke up after trying not to be here and built a stronger better me for me. Only you know what you want from life so aim for that brighter future and help others along the way because you never know who just might need a helping hand, be you, stay blessed and as always have fun and enjoy your life your way.

You'll never know the power of "Hi, How are you?" Until you need that helping hand.

By Kujy Abbott