More guys should tell girls they just want them for sex
And this goes any way for any gender
Note: In this, I speak in terms of males and females in more confined and heterosexual ways, but that is just because that is how I have experienced this sort of situation. I can speak on it best in this way. This absolutely can apply to anyone in any kind of partnership, regardless of gender and sexual orientation.
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Picture this: you're a sophomore in college who just broke up with her first serious boyfriend. Sex has never meant anything too serious to you, but, ideally, you seek sexual partners with whom you have some kind of emotional connection. Because of this, you like when guys tell you nice things before, during, and after sex. You want them to think something of you.
Anyway, a guy you've always been acquainted with has begun to peak your interest more and more, and you can tell the feelings are mutual. Tension has been building between the two of you for some time and you know that it is finally the night that something physical will happen between you two. And it does, to make a long story short, but not before he says,
"You should know I don't want anything more than sex from this. Like nothing emotional, if that's okay."
My first thought after hearing these words come out of this boy's mouth was What kind of person stops in the middle of a heated and passionate moment to say something like that?? Does he want me to get angry and go away??
I was so thrown off in the moment that I just said, "Uh, sure okay" while still trying to wrap my mind around his words and how to interpret them. We kept going, had sex, finished, got dressed, he called me an Uber, and I went back to my place. He didn't even give me the chance to sleep over, let alone cuddle.
I was dumbfounded. I had never had an experience as such. I was confused and felt disrespected, but the more I reflected on what had just happened, the more I realized that he had just shown me way more respect than any other hook-up had. He didn't let me get my hopes up in terms of where things might have led down the road, he was very clear about what he wanted and knew that he should make it so before we had sex even if that turned me off and prevented him from getting his, he asked me for my consent in not just the sexual act but also in the whole emotional dynamic, and he stuck to his word the whole time and afterwards.
He did everything completely right.
This was the first time a man was ever completely honest to me during a sexual encounter. I was offended at first and didn't like what he had to say because I wanted him to be interested in me for more than just my body, but that disappointment was overpowered by my appreciation of his honesty itself. It felt so good to not have to wonder and be played with. I could get over the fact that he wasn't interested in me. He didn't owe that to me.
I have a feeling that some people reading this might think this girl is just trying to twist this to avoid feeling hurt, but let's look at some alternate situations:
Let's say Girl is interested in boy. Boy is interested in girl. Girl wants both an emotional and a physical relationship with Boy, but Boy only wants a physical one with Girl. Girl and Boy have sex with no word of what they should each expect in the future about the either physical or emotional relationships. Boy is satisfied enough with just keeping things on a "sex only" basis, but Girl is left to wonder indefinitely about what Boy wants. Girl reaches out expressing interest several times in different ways, maybe gets laid again, but still has no answers about if he wants to take things further. This takes a toll on Girl and her self-esteem. It stresses her out.
Or we could say Boy lies to Girl before they have sex and tells her pretty things because he knows it's what she wants to hear. Naturally, this raises Girl's hopes of the future very much since it's what she wanted from the start, but Boy does not follow through in action because it is not what he ever wanted. Girl is left very confused and hurt when nothing escalates.
Although it was jarring and seemed a little too forward of him to say what he said to me, I ended up being so grateful for his honesty. It actually attracted me to him more in a backwards way. I knew I could deal with the fact that he didn't want an emotional relationship with me since he told me that immediately and because I didn't have to be left on my own to figure that out. He saved us both a lot of stress, showed respect to me and himself, and we were both pleasured and happy. We even ended up seeing each other several times afterwards too and were both able to remain clear-headed and cool about the situation.
In conclusion, people who just want other people for sex and pleasure aren't bad or dirty. If that's what you want, then fine! It only becomes muddy and scummy when people put up facades and lie to each other (and when they're not safe. Use protection please lol). Just be up front with what you want and you'll find someone who matches your energy and with whom you can get along with, whether it's just for sex or in a full-blown relationship.
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