Humans logo

Monogamy Is Unrealistic

Why polygamy makes sense

By Jada John-AliPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
Like

I sat at the round table with two other women, one engaged and the other a newlywed. The engaged, let's call her Samantha, explains to Amanda (newlywed) and myself that she believes that 90% of men cheat. Amanda, having dealt with her own share of infidelity issues with her now husband, agreed with Samantha's notion. I began to share my personal beliefs on the matter, but before I share them with you, let me preface it with the fact that I am a mathematician, and I tend to think mathematically, using logic to make decisions, and most often than not, ignoring the emotional side of decision making.

As a mathematician, I understand that 68% of data will fall within one standard deviation of the mean. That means that a phenomenon is considered to be a normal occurrence if 68% of the population engages in said phenomenological experience. With this in mind, I asked Samantha and Amanda what I thought was a simple question: If 90% of men cheat, and only 10% of the adult male population is capable of being monogamous, why would you take a behavior that only 10% of men can adhere to and make it the norm? Why ask the 90% to be like the 10%? If 90% of men "cheat", then being with multiple women IS the norm, and monogamy is what's abnormal.

Let's say, hypothetically, we all live in New York City. According to the New York City Economic Development Corporation (NYCEDC), in January of 2012 the ratio of single men to single women in NYC was 47% to 53%. We're looking at approximately 1,075 women for every 1,000 men. If every man had to himself just one woman, there would consistently be 75 women (for every 1,075) who would just never have a man. Be honest with yourself and tell me, would you want to be one of those 75, or is it okay so long as you're one of the lucky ones?

Consider this: If you're from NYC you know that surviving here on average income is becoming increasingly difficult, especially if you have children. Economically, what if there were THREE-income households instead of two? For the record, I'm not talking about five roommates in a 3 bedroom apartment splitting the rent and utilities. I'm talking about sister-wives deciding to get together with their man and build economic stability as a unit. How much further would you be able to get?

Trust me, I get it. Just the idea of your man entering another woman has already got you worked up. Nope, not you, right? But think about this: If you have been dealing with a cheating partner, some of the other women you know about, others you don't (and believe me, there are others), then you've BEEN sharing him. What's the difference? Doing it knowingly? Does it make you less of a woman because you consent to the idea of your man having a relationship with another woman? It is quite unlikely. I say, get over it, because the truth of the matter is, whether you "let" him or not, if he wants to have sex with Anna, Susie, Shaniqua and Paulette, he's gonna do just that.

Now, understand that I am NOT talking about men just randomly having sex with other women. Random illicit sex is not what polygamy is about. I am talking about him maintaining meaningful and purposeful relationships. Relationships where he is the head of the home and is caring for all parties involved, women and children alike. I'm talking about him bearing the responsibility of having two families, and going above and beyond to make sure the needs of all are met. Even bigger than that, I'm talking about the women banding together to create a strong family, and collaborating to define, plan for and execute goals strategically and efficiently. It can work. Ask me how I know.

dating
Like

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.