Momma, Mia & Me

“I like walks on the beach, sunrises and long-tanned legs.” I read aloud and groaned.

“Seriously. I have Fish-belly white, short, skinny legs.” I scrolled through the Love at First Sight for online singles, read a little further and rolled my eyes.

“Why are you making me do this?” I looked over my shoulder at my best friend, Mia. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into trolling an online dating service.”

Hands on hips, she said, “We’ve been over this, Harper. You’re doing this because you need a life.”

“I have a life! I have a great life!”

“You have a Great Dane. You need a man.”

“I do NOT need a man. I NEED you to get off this idea that I’m helpless without one.”

“Honey, you are not helpless. You are a strong, cute little redheaded hot mess that needs some love in her life.”’

“I need a friend that will stop trying to run my life.” I said under my breath.

“I heard that. Harper, I am not running your life. I’m just helping you move to the next level.”

“What’s wrong with my level? I have a nice little house, good friends, and Gazzi. What more could I possibly need?”

“Gazzi is a dog, not a boyfriend.” Gazzi gave a sneeze and a snort.

“You need a human partner. You need someone to look out for you.”

“What are you talking about? I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

She tucked her chin and gave me the “Mia look.”

“Choose! Just close your eyes, poke that screen with a finger and make a choice. Then go on one date. Just one.”

“Oh, for the love of Mike, okay!” I stuck my middle finger in her direction, gave her my best icy stare and stabbed it directly in the middle of the screen.

“Yes!” She grabbed the laptop and began to read the description of my “perfect date.”

I’m not against dating. I just didn’t want to actively look, that’s all. I figure I’ll meet the right guy, at some point. Nobody really knows what they want in a partner, and even when they do, turns out the person that’s perfect for them is the exact opposite of what they think perfect is anyway. Why bother?

Mom and dad had the perfect relationship. I know some people say that about their parents, but it really was that way for them. They were best friends and did everything together.

I closed my eyes and out of nowhere, I heard my mom’s voice. Harper, it’s time.

“Oh, this man is perfect!” Mia crooned.

I rolled my eyes and leaned in.

“Your eyes are gonna get stuck back there if you don’t quit rollin’ ‘em around the back of your head.” Mia lectured.

“You didn’t even look my way. How do you know I rolled my eyes?

“Because I know you. You can’t be around somebody for 20 years and not know they’re an eye-roller.”

“There’s no picture. That can’t be good.”

“Maybe he’s keeping it a surprise.”

“Maybe he’s a serial killer.”

“You need a better attitude. Pour yourself some of that Merlot over there.”

“Well, thank you for offering up my own wine to me, Mia.”

“I gave it to you, so you’re welcome. Top mine off while you’re up, I’m almost out.”

I pushed my chair back and grabbed her glass. I made my way to the kitchen counter and turned a wine glass right side up. I sloshed more wine into her glass and dumped the remnants of the bottle into my own.

“You’re making a mess.”

“I am not.”

“Are too, I don’t even have to look; I can hear it from here. Wipe it up so you don’t stain your momma’s counter.”

“Bossy”

“I love you too.”

I pulled a paper towel down from the roll and ripped it off in frustration. I wiped the counter and pitched the soggy thing in the trash. Mom left me a lifetime of savings, and the house, but this place will never really be mine. It will always be “momma’s house.” She is everywhere. The hardest thing I have ever done or will ever do, was to watch my mother die.

Harper, it’s time.

I sipped the Merlot and felt the flavors wash over my taste buds, like gentle waves sliding back and forth on a virgin beach. I love this wine. Blackberries are my favorite and I love the hint of tobacco. Was that plum?

“Am I tasting plum?”

“You’re such a wine-baby. Plum is a common Merlot ingredient. It’s got Mocha too, isn’t it fantastic? Your momma would have loved this one, Harper. It’s a shame you didn’t get her good taste in wines.”

“That’s not nice.”

“It don’t make it any less true.”

Gazzi snorted and sneezed. I looked at him. “Traitor.”

Mia was right. Mom would have loved this wine.

Harper, it’s time.

“Harper.”

I turned. “What, sorry.”

“You have a date.”

“I have a what?”

“A date. You know, two people meet, have dinner, fall in love.”

“Oh, good gravy. That’s not how this works.” I stopped dead in my tracks.

“I have a date. What do you mean, I have a date?”

“Yeah, a date.” She smiled wickedly.

“With who?”

“Steve.”

“Steve, WHO.”

“Uh,” Looking at his profile, she said, “Steve Urbanski.”

“What did you do?”

“I made you a date, for tonight.”

“I’m busy.”

“You are not. You’re never busy and you never go anywhere.”

“That’s not true, I go places.”

“Grocery stores do not count as going places.”

“I go places.” I said indignantly.

“Where? You rarely leave this house.”

I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d been in the last 6 months, so I changed the subject.

“Don’t change the subject. You made a date for me with a guy I don’t know anything about.”

“Well, come over here and read up on him; and bring my wine.”

I threw my hands up in exasperation, picked up the glasses and stomped to the table.

“Look here, see? He owns a bar called The Tavern, west of Austin. He’s a businessman!”

“Right.” I scoffed. “Probably some run-down biker bar.”

“Harper, for crying out loud, will you just read a little about him, without all the drama?”

I closed my eyes and sighed.

Harper, it’s time.

Pushing my mother’s voice out of my head, I thought, Mia’s just trying to help you, Harper. I dropped in the chair and she slid the laptop my way.

“Height: 5’8, Weight: 180, blonde hair, blue eyes, 32 years old.” I read aloud. “Lives in Dripping and owns a bar just outside of town. Looking for someone nice.” I said dryly. “Well, he’s obviously a man of many words.”

“You’re meeting him at 6 o’clock tonight at The Tavern.”

“That’s only 2 hours from now, that’s not enough time.”

“Plenty of time.”

“I’m busy.”

“Wear something nice. Not yoga pants.”

“I’m not going.”

“Jeans would probably work since it’s a tavern.”

“I’m not going.” I said stubbornly.

“Be sure to wear sandals with a little bit of heel. Ooh! Wear that blue peasant blouse.”

“I’m going to wear an orange t-shirt and ratty shorts.”

“You don’t own anything orange. Not with that red hair.”

“I’ll buy something.”

“You won’t have time, we’re leaving at 5:30.”

“I’m not going.”

“Go get a shower and get dressed.”

“I’m not going. I don’t want to go.” I complained.

Mia took me by the shoulders, faced me in the direction of my bedroom and frog-marched me all the way. I flopped down on the bed as she rummaged through my closet. She found the blue peasant blouse and stooped to pick up a pair of brown sandals.

“You’re still here. Go get in the shower.”

I huffed a stray curl out of my eyes and said, “I hate those shoes.”

“Then why’d you buy them?”

“They were cute but turns out not on my feet.” Mia turned to look at me and rolled her eyes.

“See! I’m not the only eye-roller.”

She opened my dresser drawers until she found pants. She chose a pair of skinny jeans and pitched them at me.

“Get into the shower.” She repeated. “You might want to burn those yoga pants. I’m going back to the kitchen and confirm your date. You have plenty of time to do something with your hair.” She kissed me on the forehead and left me to myself.

I left the shoes near the bed then half-heartedly showered and toweled off. I pulled the jeans on and sucked my belly in so I could button the pants. “Gained a little weight there, Harper.” I said to nobody. I brushed my teeth and found some mousse to give my hair some calm and a little less crazy. I put on the blouse and looked at myself in the mirror and closed my eyes.

“You look like me.” I heard her voice say. “You have your dad’s eyes, but the rest of you is all me, my beautiful girl.”

“I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Mom, I can’t.”

“Harper, it’s time. Go out there and have the best life. Find your best friend, just like I did. I don’t want you moping around the house by yourself. You deserve to share a happy life with someone who loves you as much as you love them.”

I kept hearing it over and over in my mind. Harper, it’s time. I felt the burn of anger and remorse spread from my chest.

Mia cop-knocked on the door. “Harper, it’s time.”

I swung the door open with all my might. “Why! Why is it time?” I demanded.

Mia stood back, wine in hands, shocked at my reaction.

“I, I’m sorry, Mia.” I felt the heat rush to my face in embarrassment.

“You want to tell me about that?”

“No.” I said quickly.

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Sit.”

I awkwardly perched on the side of the tub. Mia placed the glasses on the counter, dropped the toilet lid down and sat. “Spill. Now.”

“Mia, mom didn’t die of cancer.” She gave me a confused look.

“She would have died of cancer, but that’s not how it happened. Mom knew eventually, her brain would stop functioning. She would no longer know how to play the piano, know me, or remember dad. All the things mom loved in this world would be gone. No memories at all. She said, what was life, without memories of the people, places and things you’ve loved for a life-time?”

I continued, “She’d arranged for medication to be shipped to the house, so when the effects of her brain death started to take hold, I was to give her the pills and that would be it; and it was. That day: the day she died, she said Harper, it’s time.”

We sat in the bathroom for a bit. We listened to the rhythm of the house and the memories of my mother washed over me.

Mia finally spoke. “Harper, your momma earned the right to die with her memories intact and with dignity. I know her last wish must have been so ridiculously hard, but you have to remember, she didn’t want to be a burden. She wanted you to be happy. Your mom didn’t want you to haunt this house, all alone. Do you honestly think she left this place for just you? She wanted it filled with your family. Her grandbabies. This is the life I’m trying to help you find.”

She took my hands and looked at me evenly. “You deserve to share a happy life with someone who loves you as much as you love them.”

I sat speechless. Those were the exact same words. Not just any words, but mom’s last words.

I looked at my beautiful friend and said, “Guess I’d better go get those shoes.”