Mom-Care

Thank you, Mom. Before I get into reasons why you mean the world to me, I will share my love for my grandmother, Maria.

Maria, I know you are looking down on me as I sit and type on this laptop that you gave to me. We hung out long ago and I was of young age, so maybe the memories are not as realistic, but the feelings I get from every time I think about you are always positively overwhelming.

You gave so much. From the stories I hear about what you did for the town in Poland, to whomever encountered you, to the times you were at my hip and ready to make sure I had myself a day, you were there. And not just there but hear-pouring-out there. I love you. And not just for me, you would show up for my whole family and you would do it with such genuine care and lightness. Grandmother, you are a Rockstar.

My grandmother taught me to lead with my heart and be there for others. That it is okay to overpour my love if it for the good of others. Selflessness and kindness what her calling cards and she always had a watchful eye. I will never forget last summer when I spoke to her. I was walking home late night from a night out. Not happy with how I was approaching my days and nights – drinking, running around. This was a common walk that I would do back to my apartment in the wee hours of the night. Except this time, I looked up and I saw her. She was sad but she understood and as always, was happy to talk. I knew I was letting her down, and myself. What hurt is that she was still there. Always there. Seeing me hurt and down and not living up to my potential and barely even attempting to. We talked and it felt good that she used the same calling card she always did, kindness. She told me that she sees me, and just knowing that made me feel so much more powerful. I love talking to her and I feel her now.

I will continue to show up for others as she would always do.

My mother. Donna.

I love you. You have been in my life for the past 33 years, and it will go on for eternity. Let us talk about life. You want the best for me, I know. You are hard-nosed, strong, I know. We are struggling with our relationship right now, I know. But this is because of love. It has to be, and for that I am beyond grateful, and I know we will get through it.

Why? Because that is what you taught me.

The biggest lesson you teach me is to hold myself to a high standard. This is not because you say it constantly (which you do), but because you live it. You constantly overachieve and then strive for more. Coming to America with nothing, excelling at job after job, with barely knowing the language, working day in and out for the family. I see it. When I look through the albums, I cannot imagine a better childhood, you made sure I experienced all I could. Any task or opportunity, you sign up for it. Even if you are unsure if you can deliver, you find a way. Inspiration, knowledge, actions, whatever, you give it, but I know you are all about realism.

So here is something realistic. I was in an extremely toxic relationship. Two good kids, stuck in an extremely toxic relationship. There were countless of nights where we were extremely hurt, where we knew we had to let go, where pain was simply unmatched. There was only one night though, that I called my mom.

It was late night and an occurrence happened that left me hurt. Really hurt. This was nothing new, but I found myself again out of answers and realized there was one thing I still did not do. That was to call my mom. I walked to the edge of 12th Street Pier in Hoboken and called my mom. I told her what was going on. She knew of the situation for quite some time before this, but now she really knew. She took over. She understood how I needed just how any mother would and then instilled in me what she always preached through words and actions in her life – to care for myself.

Just like my grandmother who taught me the value of caring for others, my mom teaches me the value of caring for myself. There is nothing bad to be said about the girl in this relationship as she is completely amazing and I know she will be an amazing mother one day, as well. This is about doing what is right for myself, my family, my friends, my strangers – taking care of myself, and doing that by really holding myself to a high standard.

Therefore, I will continue to fight for our relationship because I know we mean the world to each other. You brought me into this world. A world that I now get to experience with you.

With two superheroes like this in my life teaching me how to care for others and myself, I look forward to what we can build. Because whether I am home or away, they are always with me. From each word typed, they are with me.

To all the mothers, be assured, there is no strength received like that from you all. #BossMoms

I love you, mom, and grandmother. | Kocham cie mama i babcia.