Mixed Messages In A Marriage: Signs That Your Spouse Wants A Divorce

Misunderstandings are common in marriage. One partner misinterprets the message that was intended. Typically these messages can easily be clarified by reflecting your confusion. Miscommunication is even more likely during a marital crisis. Mixed messages are a common source of miscommunication and can be more difficult to clarify.

Mixed messages result from your mate giving messages that conflict. For instance, your spouse expresses concern for your well-being then says something hurtful. You are drawn to the warmth and then are stung by the coldness in your mate's voice. Like a purring cat that suddenly bites your hand, you become distrustful of your partner's messages.

Mixed messages often occur because what is said does not match with how it is said. For instance, your partner has a sad facial expression but denies anything is wrong. Another example is a wife who has spent much less time at home, but says, "I'm not avoiding you." You receive a message through your partner's expression that conflicts with what you are told.

The question, "Do you love me?" is answered (in a flat-toned voice), "You know I love you." The words are words of love; but are they? The voice has no expression of love. Your spouse may proclaim love but there is no affection accompanying the words. You are kissed only when you ask for a kiss. The kiss communicates love, but the stiffness in your partner's body communicates distance.

You try to clarify the message to determine which message is correct. This yields little clarification and more mixed messages. When you confront the inconsistencies in your mate's messages, you are told that you are wrong or you are avoided.

The most hurtful mixed messages are those that define the relationship. These are painful because you need to understand the status of the relationship. The most common mixed message a distancing spouse gives is "I love you but I'm not in love with you." Since "love" and "not in love" are opposing feelings, the message is unclear. You are left thinking, "What does this mean?" "I love you" sounds positive but "I'm not in love with you" sounds negative. It is apparent that there is something missing but what is it? Is there any hope embedded in the message? You feel confused and want more information, information that is not available.

Mixed messages can serve to indirectly express rejection, as though a mixed message will be less hurtful. That is one reason that clarification is unsuccessful. To clarify the position would force your partner to accept responsibility for distancing from you. However the most common reason for mixed messages is that your spouse wants distance but has not made a decision regarding whether or not to remain committed to the marriage. The mixed messages reflect the mixed feelings that lie within.

Mixed messages from your spouse are not difficult to interpret because you have failed to clarify the message. The mixed messages are difficult to understand because your spouse is in a state of inner turmoil. Naturally you are biased and want to believe any positive message that contains hope that the relationship may survive this crisis. You also want to ignore the rejection, hoping it is temporary. If you listen to the message, you will learn more about the inner turmoil of your spouse than about the relationship. You cannot get an accurate picture of your spouse's view of the relationship until your spouse gains internal clarity.

• Stop spending needless time clarifying your partner's message(s).
• Reflect acceptance that your partner is unclear about his or her feelings, thus offers unclear messages.
• Detach from over analyzing everything your partner says, you will know where you stand when your partner has made that decision for him or herself.
• Put your energy into self-care. Socialize with those who care about you. Nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

So You Think Your Spouse Wants a Divorce?

If you feel you marriage isn't what it should be, that is probably because it isn't. There most likely are signs that your marriage is not working. I suggest you take careful note of these signs and address them sooner than later. If you start working on the problems immediately when they are small you may be able to prevent bigger problems in the future.

A good reason to think you and your spouse may be heading for a divorce is that you no longer communicate. If there is a lot of arguing and long periods of silence between the two of you this is a real tell tale sign that there is trouble. When there is a breakdown in communication it is very hard to rebuild a relationship.

One of the real signs your relationship is on the skids is that there is little or no intimacy. Intimacy is not just sex, but also includes the closeness you once felt for each other. Your partner seems to be drifting from you and no longer cares to be intimate with you in any way.

If you or your spouse become very critical of each other, this is not a good sign. No one can live and thrive with constant criticism. When nothing seems to be right for each of you. At times it may seem that nothing you or spouse do is right. This is a certain sign your marriage is in trouble.

All of a sudden your spouse doesn't seem to care anymore. This can be a very real sign of trouble. When you married your spouse probably thought you were the most important person in their world. Now everyone else seems to be more important than you.

If you find that your spouse would rather be any where else more than with you, that is a sign of real trouble. When your spouse starts staying away from home and starts making excuses to be anywhere but with you, that is a real sign that things are not good.

You know your spouse and if you feel they are being less than truthful with you, or shall we say it plainly lying to you. Then you can be pretty sure divorce could be in your future. When the trust is gone so probably is the marriage.

If any of these sign seem to be appearing in your marriage you could be on the path to divorce. But if you care enough and feel your marriage is worth saving immediate steps must be taken by both partners to work on saving the marriage.

It's all up to you! If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?

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