Missinformed all most my whole life

by Ayan Ali Dualeh 6 months ago in divorce

Moment of what the ...

Missinformed all most my whole life

I will definitely get back to why I choose this particular quote at the end of my story.

Let me start by saying I do appreciate having found a platform like this to express my authentic life experience to different type of extraordinary people, is a blessing, so thank you for existing.

I have become partially poet if you haven't come across my poems yet. In one of them I expressed my feelings saying I would thank more..hence why i started with that. It have been part of my new found healing after a broken marriage.. Yes that will be the topic of my story.

As a young girl born in east africa, raised in europe most of my life, my life has been a quite exciting life. Came from a feminine house with no male around. That was another thing that definitely made me the person I am today and a true role model, the queen in my life, my mother.

The part that has thought me that a marriage is " a black whole, when you put your hand in that black whole, you don't know what you will find" mixed with "stay patient about everything. If that was not confusing and hard on it's own, I also had another mixed to it all, the modern side of me. Being as I mentioned earlier raised in Europe (western culture) and a feminine household, I was around allot of " don't take no bs!!, "u can do anything" etc. I also strongly believed "u can make your future partner the person you want them to be if they are not fully there yet".

Why? Beacuse I'm a hard core ride or die person for my partner . I will be partners rock and beyond, that is the kind of person I am.

Well the day came I found my partner, based on me wanting to get married by the age of 25 and find someone that kind of looked ready and definitely loves me more then I love them. The reason is because I knew what I would bring to the table once I felt loved. If I had more knowledge on knowing about my basics, when it comes to finding a partner and themost important one, knowing myself would have saved me allot of heart break and doubts aboutmyself.

Why is that you may ask?

Well let me go back in history..ok its easier if I start like this. My mother was never taught the basic guide lines and neither did my grandma,great grandma,great great granma and so on and so forth. You with me now? I hope so, because I cant simplify it more.

So I struggled for 10 years with my marriage. I came to a point where I was questioning myself and my sanity. No I didnt go mental, thank goodness but I was losing myself. That is when I said, enough is enough. There must be more to life then staying in a marriage for the kids sake or feeling sorry if you leave him, his world would be destroyed...ENOUGH!!!

I know marriagies are hard, and it can be difficult and life but I didnt want it like that anymore. I came to understand that life is what you make of it. I had to air out the poison in my life and the toxic I was breathing in.I freed myself.

I am loving my self and my life more. I'm putting myself first for the first time, as I should have done from the beginning. But I also thank my past now because without it I wouldn't evolve and grow as a person within myself.

We are so into this mindset of dont ask too much or have high expectations in life, depending on your circle. We do have a habit of normalising what we are used to. We also unknowingly adopt that life we are complaining about and not feeling happy about into our own life not being aware of that the whole circle has the same life styles. Once you step out of it,can you see clearly and feel that moment of what the...

Now let's go back to the quote, do you remember what it said??..don't worry..I write oceans it will take forever for you to scroll back up.. it said: " Enlightenment for a wave in the ocean is the moment the wave realizes it is water"... woooow getting goose bumps and chills just writing it..not in a horrible way but because I understand the message behind it so clearly..its just a buzzy, cloud nine kind of feeling..AMAZING...and it's very simple to translate...my understanding of it is,we should just get enlightened just like the wave, know who you are first then erything else will start to make sense.

Bye beautiful souls...beyournr1.

divorce
Ayan Ali Dualeh
Ayan Ali Dualeh
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Ayan Ali Dualeh

Totally and utterly enlightenment and fulfillment of what life is truly about, is my ultimate goal, for me first then to all of you.

See all posts by Ayan Ali Dualeh