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Men Are Not Getting Enough Credit

Not all men fit neatly into the lazy stereotypes about men.

By Chris HearnPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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Image by Jude Beck/Unsplash

I cry. I cry openly. I've always done that. I've always felt a wide range of emotions and expressed them freely. I am a complex person with many facets. I am not some robot that has been programmed by "society" to think and act only one or two ways. And I am a man.

Today, I saw an article on Facebook by the Washington Post about "masculinity" and its connection with gun violence. One of the comments posted by a female reader goes as follows:

"Yes! Patriarchy basically only allows men to express emotion through one of two outlets; lust and violence. Kindness, compassion, and mercy are looked down on as “feminine”. The way we fetishize guns, sports, and war stems directly from that oppression."

To me, this is a very narrow view of who men are. No, I don't believe that "patriarchy" only leaves men with two acceptable options. No, I don't believe, for a second, that kindness, compassion and mercy are seen as "feminine" and therefore bad. Not at all. I think these statements do an extreme disservice to men and ignore the many great people who have no shortage of kindness, compassion, and mercy... who are MEN.

When I was growing up, I watched Mr. Rogers,Sesame Street, Mr. Dressup, and the Friendly Giant. These shows taught kids about the wide range of emotions we, as humans, experience. Think about Mr. Rogers. Does anyone really believe that he is some freakish anomaly? He's not. There are no shortage of men just like him in the world.

I want to go into great detail with descriptions of individual people who completely blow the stereotype out of the water, but in many ways I don't know where to begin... there are so many terrific examples and this could end up to be a very long article. So, I'll be more general. Surely, when it is pointed out to you, you can think of many examples of the type of people I describe.

I think of all the male singers and songwriters that I listen to who can turn anyone into a pile of blubbering mush, tugging at the heart strings with their words and music. Songs that drip with emotion, talking about just how complicated men can truly be are a dime a dozen. And it has always been that way.

You could even extend that out to the great authors out there who have managed to perfectly capture the human experience, and communicated it through their writing. You could add many of the great male painters and sculptors to those who bring power and emotion to their work.

I think of all the male doctors I have had over the years, and the kindness and compassion they have shown to me. I think of the many male teachers I have had that share similar qualities. I think of many of the male police officers I have encountered that have been caring and compassionate, understanding and kind and genuinely want to help. I think of the many male aid workers who sacrifice daily to help their fellow human beings. I see male outreach workers on the streets of my city who check on the homeless, try to give them a meal and do what they can to arrange shelter for them.

This notion that men are just taught to be violent or lustful is absurd, and the examples around us are numerous saying that this isn't so. Are SOME men taught this? Yes. Does that mean that they aren't complicated, diverse people? Nope. They still have a range of emotions and are still not being given the credit they deserve.

I'm a big fan of motorsports. One could say it is a rather "masculine" pursuit, and many of the participants fit into the stereotype that has been presented. But, I have watched as drivers have won big races and have climbed out of their cars with tears streaming down their faces, so happy and excited about their achievement. I hear them thank their wives and children and watch as they give them huge hugs in celebration. Even in this environment, I see men showing no shortage of emotion. And, quite often, in the sport, you will find all kinds of rough and tumble men who would give you the shirt of their back to help their fellow human beings, because they are filled with kindness and compassion. So, even in this hotbed of "masculinity," we find the very traits that the woman who wrote the comment seems to insist is greatly discouraged in men.

Also, at the race track, I see more women taking part in the sport and am encouraged. One aspect of racing that I like is the fact that it is one of the few sports where men and women compete side by side. At my local track, there is a driver named Victoria Stutsky. She faces some disparaging remarks and backlash from some men, but for the most part, I see men walking around the pits and in the stands wearing her t-shirts, cheering her on, happy to see a woman driver succeeding. They show compassion and support. They know it isn't easy for anyone to break into the sport, and especially so for women.

My point? If more people actually stopped and thought about all the men they have encountered in their lives, thought about their experiences with them, thought about how varied and unique they all are, I would hope that they would start to see that this stereotype of males being hindered by patriarchy and narrow ideas of masculinity starts to crumble.

So, I take exception whenever I see a sentence start with, "Men are taught..." which often is not began with a qualifier that we aren't talking about all men. It seems to be seen as a universal. It seems to be seen as all men are learning the exact same approach to existence and the fault is the patriarchy. I don't buy it. In fact, I think it's insulting and sexist. Men aren't just non-thinking robots that have been trained to navigate through life in only one way. Yet, the rhetoric surrounding masculinity implies that all men are subject to this kind of indoctrination.

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About the Creator

Chris Hearn

I'm a 47 year old writer, amateur photographer and amateur dad living in Winnipeg, MB, Canada.

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