I was young, dumb, and believed I had the world in my fingertips. Let’s start where I met this man, whom I believed was the most amazing person in the universe. He said all of the right things, treated me like I was the most important person in the world. He was a smooth talking, make you laugh, take you places type of guy. He didn’t have a house of his own... said he just got divorced and she took everything. He had two kids, which he said he saw all the time. I was excited and ready to start my new life with him.
I was dating a guy I had met online on the website PlentyOfFish. He worked as an underwater welder and lived/worked out of town. I needed a job, so a friend of mine told me abott it a call center she worked for that sold ADT home security systems. I applied, and got the job two days later. I had just gotten clean a few weeks before this new job started. There was a guy named Brian that I started talking to on second shift. I ended things with Gregg due to the fact that I never got to see him. While I was talking to Brian there was a guy that looked a little older than me, that just WOULD NOT STOP flirting with me. Brian wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I was. It became a competition of sorts. I was going to college, and I would go to work immediately after my last class. Dustin (narcissist) finally convinced me after 4 weeks of non-stop begging to go on a date with him. I had the best night of my life.
I told Dustin that I was newly clean and that I had heard a few rumors about him doing drugs/pills. He denied everything. He was living with his best friend at the time. I stayed the night with him after our date, and he somehow convinced me to move in with him. Within a week, he had introduced me to his son and his daughter. Everything was going amazing. Week two of our relationship, he bought some pills in front of me. I allowed him to convince me to take one. “It’s just one pill, you will be okay”. Back down the rabbit hole I went.
I had a lot of feminine issues involving cysts and Endometriosis, by the time I began dating Dustin I had already had 8 surgeries to remove the cysts, endo, adhesions, appendix, and my left ovary. I found out I had a bladder disease as well. I was 22 when I started dating him. 5 weeks into our relationship I had to go to the gynecologist and schedule a full hysterectomy (heartbreaking because I would never be able to have my own blood related children). I began receiving scripts (prescriptions) every month for the following: Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, dilauded, and kalonapin. He didn’t want me to “overdo it” so he would keep and hide my medications. He would take 6-10 hydrocodone 10mg at a time, 2-3 times a day. He would give me 4 10 mg pills a day.
I thought it was weird. Why would he want control over my medication?? He started becoming more hateful and mean. He was now screaming at me, and calling me every name in the book when he got upset or mad.
He asked me to marry him, and I said yes! We got a ordained minister and got married AT WORK on our 30 minute lunch break. No rings, no family, no friends... just said I do in the break/conference room. He got fired a week later for calling a coworker a “fat n*gger loving whore”, but he denied it to me and I believed him and thought they were just being mean. He promised to get another job. I was waiting on a lawsuit settlement to clear ($30,000/ I only got $19,000) so I told him it would be okay for now.
Fast forward a month. He became more violent. He was now jumping in my face, throwing anything he could grab at me, choking me out, and calling me names. But he would always apologize and cry and say he would never do it again. At this point I was already paying $250 a week in child support for him/his two kids because he was unemployed.
I got my settlement. I bought him a Jeep Wrangler and a Glock for a wedding present and bought my own wedding ring. I paid my parents back the $9,000 I owed them, and I found us a little apartment. He would clean the house and take care of the animals. I worked two jobs, and still came home to cook every night. Nothing was ever good enough for him. He would take my paychecks, and give me a weekly”allowance” for gas, cigarettes, and about $10 to get lunch with for a week. Now he is threatening me with the gun.
Fast forward 2 years, and I found us a cute 2 be 2 bath house. We moved in and he started getting little jobs but would only work for a day or two before “someone made him mad, or he didn’t like the work and he wasn’t going to be stuck doing something he didn’t like”. I stopped getting prescriptions and we were spending more on pills than I was making working 80 hours a week. I started stealing. He kept my money so I got arrested for stealing a box of hair dye, and a pack of bacon. Two different occasions. I started going to the methadone clinic thinking it would clean me up. I was wrong.
I would get a weeks worth of medication in a take home bag. I would take my dose at the clinic, and he would give me one more days medication to split up for the week while he took the other 5 days worth. I would withdrawal every single week. I started doing meth. It would stop the withdrawals and I had the energy to work. He didn’t know I was using. He got a job at FedEx and when he was gone I would prostitute myself for money to support my habit.
I got fired from both jobs, and started doing home care and cleaning. He picked me up one day and saw an open safe. Asked what was in it. I told him a silver brick/bar and a handgun. He convinced me to take it. So I did. He pawned it, he kept the money. They realized it was missing and called the cops. I was sentenced to 4 months in a probation detention center along with 7 years on felony probation. I took the charges because he couldn’t lose his kids “during the almost 9 years we were married he only saw his son 8 times and his daughter 2”. I had three months to get my affairs in order before I had to turn myself in.
It became more violent. He was hitting and kicking me. He would put the gun to my temple and say if I said one more word he would bury me out back under the garden. Bruises, marks on my neck, and everywhere else.
Three months cane and went. Everything came to a head between him and I. Two days before I was to turn myself in, he choked me until I blacked out... and when I regained consciousness he threw my empty medicine bag at me and a glass ashtray. I begged him to stop. He wouldn’t. So I grabbed all of my clothes and whatever else I could fit in my car, and got ready to leave but he hid my keys. I had to call my father and get the cops there before he gave me my keys and I left. Told him when I got out of pdc we would talk, and I would call him from jail.
I almost died during my withdrawal while I was incarcerated, spent a week in the hospital. Once I got clean I realized I didn’t need to go back so I only called him once. He had already moved another woman and her kids into my house. Burned my stuff that he couldn’t sell. Sold my toolbox, my couches and tables, and whatever else I had left. I got out and I took my name off the lease and had him meet me to sign the divorce papers. This was over 2 years ago.
He refuses to give me the papers or file them. Wants me to pay for them. He worked 2 years out of the 8 year marriage.
Istill talk to the kids, but I am hoping that one day he will be completely out of my memories and that I heal from the emotional, mental, and physical trauma he put me through.
I now have an amazing boyfriend who treats me like I deserve and I have been clean since March 28, 2018.