Marriage Is NOT the Solution

You haven't lived if you've never heard the saying, "all that glitters is not gold." But have you heard the other portion that it could be something ugly covered in brass. That's what dating or even marrying a man with issues is like. Sure, on the outside they seem charming, responsible, respectful. They are everything you've ever dreamed of but one day they fall from the pedestal and you are surprised to find an ugly, fractured trophy covered in brass.

Many of my friends are married and there are few who are dying to be married and I tell them all the same thing, WAIT! I know it's hard to be single, especially in today's dating culture. No one really wants to commit. Everything is a trial run. I get it! However, being married isn't the solution either. Now that I am married, I can tell you I should have appreciated being single. I know it's hard to be single, especially as a female in her thirties. You feel like you're getting old and you're never going to find the right person. Or worse yet, you'll have to settle for whoever finally asks the question. Well tempting, the solution is really actually simple.

The solution is work on yourself. Do things that enrich your life, that make you happy, that bring balance and peace. All of these things can be accomplished as a single person. A man will not give you these things. In fact, he will either add or take away from them. Sadly, in most cases, it will be the latter. It pains me to see so many young women waiting for their lives to start. You're waiting on that relationship to somehow validate your existence, waiting on Mr, Right to finally make you happy. It's not going to happen. You are already enough. You are already worthy and deserving of happiness. Happiness is an inside job! STOP WAITING FOR A GUY (or someone else) TO DO IT!

People who take away from your relationship or self worth aren't worth it. It's not that these fractured people want to ruin your lives. It's just that some men can't even handled theirs. Their issues run deep and a mile or more long. They are detached, selfish, and seemingly grown children. I'm not bashing all men here. I know all men aren't like this. There are a few amazing gentlemen that have faced their demons, grown up, and are now happily married or dating. Also, I'm not saying that men are the only ones with problems. There are some women who have the same issues. What I am saying is deal with your issues before you make it someone else's. When you're married, the issues that are brought into marriage will make or break you.

Here are three quick reasons why marriage is not your solution. First, marriage will magnify all issues that exist within yourself and your spouse. So if you haven't cleared out those skeletons, beware, they have multiplied by now. Second, your marriage will only be quality when you are a quality person. You need to be whole emotionally! Drama and trauma are contagious! You don't need to share that mess. What I mean by that is, eventually your trauma or drama will project onto your spouse. You need to be mindful of what you are depositing into your relationship. You need to invest time and sometimes money to be a whole person. Do it! You won't regret healing! I don't know a single person that has said I totally regret working on my issues.

Finally, if you think marriage is your solution, your marriage will fail. Marriage is a partnership! There is a lot of give and take. Sometimes you'll be giving way more than you're getting back. You will resent those times but you have to remember you are investing in your future. Marriages require a lot of work but it's good work. When you set marriage up as an idol, every mistake or disappointment will shake the walls of your marriage. It will make for an incredibly weak bond. You will feel the distance and the fire of that romance will grow cold. It's so important to know what your expectations are in your marriage. Please be realistic!! He is not your not in shining armor. He can't be. He's human and flawed. Embrace his imperfection and your own.

So, single ladies—heck, single people everywhere—invest in yourself!!! Take the time to find healing from your issues. Then find someone to build a life with. Don't rush into a next season because you're lonely. Take your time and grow with the process. Enjoy the journey! You attract what you are, so make sure it's amazing!