Making Emotional Connections

She was not speaking to anyone in the classroom and it has been weeks like this. Her head down in her books not wanting to speak with anyone. The teacher was very concerned about her well being and was at a loss of what do to draw her out of her shell. I have always hated that phrase "Getting someone out of their shell". You cannot force a person to come out of their shell just because you think that it was is best for them. It takes time and comfort for them to want to engage with their environment. I knew by looking at her that she will come out of her shell when she damn well was ready for it. However I can speed up the process by planting a little seed her head. I knew what I needed to do. I approached her very calmly and got down on one knee to her level. I noticed that she had family picture of her and her brother sister and parents so I started to ask her questions about herself and her family. As humans we love to speak about ourselves and we all have a tendency to naturally be drawn to someone who takes a genuine interest in who we are as people. Have you ever noticed when we see a colleague at work and the feelings that we get when we engage with them when we are enjoying the interaction. Our minds begin to associate that person with positive emotions. We look forward to going to work to run into that individual because of the feels we get from that interaction. I knew that I had to create the same feelings in this student to get her to establish a connection with me. So I asked her open ended questions. She spoke quietly and calmly. I made a point not to make the conversation to long so to not overwhelm her. At the end of our conversation I made a silly joke to make her laugh. That was the seed being planted. That`s when I ended that conversation and left her with a positive impression of me. The weeks following this interaction I made a point to ask her open ended question and make her laugh in every conversation we had and make her laugh at the end. I did this so that she can associate me with positive emotions. When she associates me with positive emotions she will naturally want to open up to me and want my attention. In this process I become someone of value to her. Someone that she wants validation from. In the weeks following was beginning to interact with her peers. I watched from afar and she started coming out of her shell at her own pace. One day during an exam, the entire class was silent focusing on their exam. I saw her putting her head on her desks getting frustrated. She put her head up turned around and made eye contact with me. Her eyes were full of tears and her face was red. I gave her a smile and thumbs up basically communicating in a non verbal fashion ``its ok you got this I believe in you``. She understood what I was saying. She smiled back at me wiped the tears off her face and gave me a thumbs up. She returned to her exam. From what I gathered from that interaction is that I made a connection with her. I took some time and consistency but the seed grew successfully. Human being are not complicated. We generally will seek out pleasure and avoid pain. That concept follows us in out interaction with others. We emotionally connect ourselves to individuals that make us feel good. We get kick a of dopamine in that persons presence. I`m sure we have all been their, being a child unsure how to navigate the world, and waiting for some adult in our lives to swoop in and give us some guidance and comfort, but all it take is one. One person to make us feel like family in a strange land filled with strangers. It also take just one very strong emotional connection with a person to cause us to open up and have a snowball effect and open ourselves to everyone else.