Maintaining Strength & Dignity
How I Didn't Fall Apart When Everything Else Did
We've all been through it before. The perpetual crash after that high you were on that every end of a relationship brings. Some of us never saw it coming, some of us saw the signs but chose to look away, some of us even made the choice to call it quits. Regardless of the situation, there's always one thing that remains: after that pivotal moment, nothing is ever the same. That whole other half is gone and with it all the daily little rituals that you have come to know, love, or possibly hate. The sense of stability or comfort is gone and everything is brand new, in a sense. For many, this is a good thing; a breath of fresh air. I've seen people walk away unscathed, almost like a shrug of the shoulder and they just carry on. I applaud those of you capable of this for it's a feat many of us can't quite conquer. I, unfortunately, have never been one of those people. I've never been able to master the moving on quietly. It's always been a storm or a slap in the face (or a punch in the gut, really). A lot of sleepless nights, a lot of wine, and yes, a lot of tears. One thing I've never been able to figure out is HOW. HOW can I just pick myself up and move on without churning up so much turmoil? I've read countless articles and taken so much advice you think I'd really know by now. You live and you learn, right?
After a recent three year split, I realized I still hadn't really learned anything. Or so I thought. After some time alone, I felt like I finally broke. Something inside of me just set me on auto pilot and I felt myself carry on each day with a little less hurt than the day before. I threw myself into work, the gym, my kids, my finances. Something I had never done before. For every negative thought, I did something that acquired positive changes. I dove into finding myself; who I was now. I hadn't realized how much I had really changed. What used to feel like the world ending started to feel like I was reborn. I didn't take advice or read articles. Instead, I'm writing one. This is very much a first. Not to say that I'm not struggling, because I am, but I'm doing it beautifully. I found myself stronger and more dignified than ever. I know I'm not the only one going through a rough breakup, and of course I won't be the last, (hopefully this is my last) but I wanted to share hope for those who are and maybe feeling like they aren't doing so great. This is your time! A brand new chance to be something great without that other half that you once felt completed you. Find yourself, really dig deep and find yourself. Try new things—things you never saw yourself doing. Push past all boundaries and set yourself on auto pilot. It's amazing what you're capable of when you turn your pain into progress. And at the end of the day, regardless of what you've been through, you owe it to yourself. For those who are doing just fine once again, more power to you! But for those of you who aren't you're going to do amazing things: like my favorite poet once wrote, "After great pain a formal feeling comes." -Emily Dickinson