Lucy

It was a winter night, the cold ran through the streets and the faces of the few people who that day roamed with smiles or sadness, who will know, I took my phone and the time was 6:00 pm, it was our appointment, pressing the step I ran to that place where several times our smiles sprouted in the count of the gossip work, it would be nothing different, at least I did not think so.

Your smile greeted me at that restaurant table.

- How are you?

You told me in the middle of a sigh, I didn't notice it at that moment, it was just a clue.

- But the least!

My answer is short as I settle into that wooden chair, a little bit old maybe, because a sound came out of it.

- Are you going to drink today?

Your question seemed to postpone something that maybe I didn't want to happen, or maybe you didn't want it to happen.

- I'm not in the mood for a drink today.

While I was looking at the menu, even though I knew I'd ask for the same thing.

Don't notice that you looked different, you showed that watch that I gave you, in your birthday. Not very expensive, but also not cheap, your eyes smiled that day, you never expected it to be detailed, you're right, I never was, but this time it was different..

- Is it weird you don't want to drink?

You still insisted that I do, you seemed to want to do it, perhaps to evade what I was bringing that night or afternoon.

- If you want we can have a drink!

Looking at your face, ask in the middle of a smile.

- Of course give me a beer!

I still didn't notice your difference, I thought, you were tired, because your life seemed more hectic than mine, I being a waiter in a corner restaurant, I could not imagine your stress and tiredness than in your office...

- Here they sell Asian beers!

trying to make you laugh.

But your unusual seriousness shocked my reasoning, was it something I hadn't seen before, maybe trouble at home, or in the office? I couldn't say.

- Of course, I just want to drink, maybe to have courage.

That comment completely frightened me, I knew whatever it is, it wouldn't be any good at the end of the night.

We had a couple of beers while we were still looking at the menu, I didn't want to get to the end of thenight, my fear was getting intense, I wouldn't know if it was for lack of sleep, or maybe the beers had affected me all at once.

- What are you going to order?

You told me to look straight at me.

Notice your look...

- A kiss from you!

I finally made you smile, you gave me the sweetest kiss, or maybe just me imagined the difference.

We asked for the usual, it was ramen night, so it wasn't difficult to choose, I hadn't eaten during the day, so I had a voracious appetite.

- You always do that! Why don't you eat well?!

I loved that word of yours, my smile made you shine, you knew it was your favorite word for me..

- I was sleeping all day!

My answer just made you smile.

- Of course today is your day off, after double working days.

I had taken extra turns to be able to invite you to eat, because rarely we could go out, my tiredness was different than yours, you held my hand and a smile relieved my fear.

- I appreciate the effort you make for me..

I didn't know if I should cry, you were the woman I'd waited for decades.

For hours we passed our work complaints from word of mouth, laughed at how miserable we were for no reason.

- Hey, what happened to the guy who used to talk to you, even knowing you got a boyfriend?

That question should never have existed, today I regret that. Maybe it was the beer that reminded me of that sad moment.

Your smile changed and again the seriousness sprouted in your gaze.

- He's started working in my office, he was transferred and now he's working with me.

I felt that the floor was uneruping, a cold and heat sprouting inside me, I felt my throat dry out, I took a large sip of my beer that did not seem to fill this fear.

- Well, at least I stop insisting on you?

I expected a definitive answer, to fill me with relief, and only the silence took hold of us, my mind began to play with my sanity.

- I'm sorry! It's a situation I never imagined, our relationship has gotten strong, but I feel like I don't know if I love you the same.

Asking for a beer, try to avoid my tears, I didn't know whether to run out or keep hearing that story.

- He brings me roses every day, says he loves me as a friend, and you?? You work double shifts, I hardly see you, and when we finally see each other you're tired, I don't want to make you try hard, I know you have priorities, focus your strength on it, and maybe we can save this after a while.

My mind didn't seem to understand what I was hearing, I felt as part of my life away from every word that came out of you.

- What are you proposing?

I didn't have the courage to keep listening, any answer wouldn't be the one I wanted to hear.

- I need some alone time, to be able to accommodate my ideas, because maybe I'm only interested in the attention he gives me. Maybe I just see him as a friend, but now I'm confused.

These words still I can't get out of my mind, we had a couple more beers.

- I have to go home, I feel tired and I need to think, please do not look for me, do not call me, do not write me, I will do it when this ready..

How unfair is life I told myself, I'm lost here in silence while he makes you laugh, he gives you attention that you forbade me to give you, if this was a fight and you'd be the referee, you'd tell me, fight, but don't defend yourself, don't throw a beat, just stand up, and let yourself be hit.

How unfair you are, my mind kept repeating it.

You left, I didn't follow you, I went straight to the bar where my friend served at the bar.

• What's the matter, buddy, do I see you as half-drunk and lost? Where's Lucy? I understand you always go out on Saturdays, but today you're alone.

- Give me a shot of tequila, and don't say any more, don't talk to me about her, tonight I just want to drink, and forget this pain at least for now.

• Don't tell me you and her?

- Yes it happened friend, the same guy, the same person has stuck their noses in more than several times, and you know it's the worst thing, it's that they work together, and how to avoid it.

• Go after her idiot!

- I can't do it, she's made me promise that I shouldn't, that she needs time to know if she loves me or not.

A silence caused my friend to walk away to attend to another person maybe in my own situation, I wouldn't know that, I already had several drinks in my body, and I cried, at least I think I remember that part.

• It's not worth it, brother, you'll see that she'll come to you again, and you guys going to laugh at this moment, so look up and take the stage, it's karaoke time.

I don't know on what moment I thought it was a magnificent idea, a terrible voice and alcohol can't mix.

I don't remember a part of that night, but I saw my phone, I saw you tried to call me, one, no, it was several times, that you wanted to tell me, I won't know, I'll call you in the middle of how drunk I was, my words I don't remember, maybe I shouldn't, it was my grave, my burial maybe.

A couple of messages,

- I called you, because I thought I made a mistake, but I see that I can't change your lifestyle, I thought we could get through this together, because I love you, I realize that I love you, but you got into alcohol, and I can't, what you told me, I'll take it with me, you hurt me.

It was in the middle of my ethtilic madness, I don't remember a word I told you, but I don't want to do it, I feel like I was stupid, maybe worse.

I can't deny the pain I felt, like doing it, it was you who wanted to walk away.

I've decided to get on with my life, a little empty without you, I've decided to move out too, I can't forget the nights that you and I spent hugging.

Sometimes you seem to come to my mind like a hurricane, ripping out every piece of pride I had formed, and I've fallen into temptation to call you, but what a difference this would do, it's been months, I don't know if it's 12 or more..

I saw you at the train station, you look good, I wanted to say hi, my pride fell on my knees again, but I got some courage and ran to the street, my fear was very strong, I just ran to a bar to take courage, after a couple of drinks, I searched on the internet what I didn't want to see.

What happened to you during these months, having endured like a champion, today among empty bottles of beer, I try to find a thousand reasons to drink, I see your photos, my tears betray me again, during the time you said you would look for me, you went out with him, all this time I waited for you, while you had decided not to return.

You look happy? it's hard to say, my tears don't let me see well.

Maybe I wanted something stronger from our relationship, and that's why I'd lost you.

It's been four months since I saw you at the station. I think I have the courage to hear from you again, I still keep your number, I don't know if you still know mine, but we'll know.

- Hi, how are you? It's been a while.

My voice trembled when I asked, even after a long time, you still have power over me..

- I thought you'd forgotten me, I often cried for you to call me, but you never did, now it's too late.

Your words seemed convincing.

- You asked me not to, you told me to keep my distance, because you needed space, and I respected it as a champion.

I felt confused.

- I told you for a while, not an eternity, I thought I meant nothing to you anymore!

Now I was guilty.

- And then, how have you been, what has become of your life, do you still work in the same office?

I knew you didn't, but I still asked.

- I quit soon after we stopped talking.

I felt like a fool not to look for you.

- And now what are you doing, or where are you working?

I was hoping our conversation would last longer..

- You know, Leandro, I can't talk to you anymore.

Your words were nostalgic.

- Lucy waits, tell me why not?

I don't know why I wanted to stop you, your social media had told me a lot, maybe I wanted to hear it from you.

- I don't know how to say it, I'm afraid to hurt you again.

- Lucy just say it.

- After I quit my job, mark insisted me, he call me all the time, time that you decided not to, and the months go by, maybe the feelings don't, because even if you don't believe it, and you think it's a lie, you're still special to me..

- Lucy stops going around so much and tell me.

- Many nights I cry wondering if you were with someone else..

- Lucy you know I haven't been with anyone else..

- I know, and that's why it hurts what I am going to say ,a few months ago I got engaged, yes, to him, the way he treated me, made me feel special, and it hurts me to know that you never looked for me.

my worst nightmare, there's no turning back. I didn't have words to answer.

- Lucy, you were afraid of compromise, what is this? A nightmare?

I didn't know how to explain what was going on.

- Leandro, my friends always spoke bad of you, said I would have no future with you, that we have nothing in common, but whit Mark, they always told me well about him, he is a good guy, he has no vices, you instead, I do not know if you have changed, where you work, always invite you to drink, and I do not know if I could live with that.

Afraid of what I already knew, even though I thought I could change the way you think, what a fool I was.

I stopped calling you after that day, I haven't had a girlfriend since then, I find it hard to trust again, I've come up from the job, now I run a restaurant, and I'm doing fine, I hear he was fired for bad behavior, I've seen a couple of calls from you , as long as I'm asleep, I'm sorry for not return them.

Today is the day, maybe I'm still in the same chains, but today is the day, the turns that life gives, fate seems to want to tell us something.

You have rented my restaurant for a private party, with nostalgia I see it, I have accepted the reservation, because is a large group, I can not deny it, maybe it is fate, maybe I am still an idiot.

Women in elegant dresses, men in black and expensive outfits, I have put you my best waiters, in the bar the best, the chef of my kitchen had made the best food, in your contract you mention that you have dessert, you say that they will deliver it during the party.

My best DJ has been prepared with a different mix, I've checked it with it ,after all, it's your party,I want it to be something you don't forget.

Standing at the door I receive the guests, the moment approaches, I see you enter, in the arms of that man, I see and your bouquet of roses fall to the ground, there are no words, and you cry!

He sees me, he doesn't know me, but he seems to have an idea, background music invites to the dance.

- It's party time.

My words were broken, I was running your wedding party.

- Why did you accept the contract, knowing it was me?

- That's why I accepted it.

I didn't know it was your wedding, I had still accepted it, it hurt, of course, after you rejected me, today your are married.

- This can't be happening.

Your tears came out as you spoke to me.

• Who is this man?

your husband today looked scared when he asked.

- I'm sorry Mark, this is Leandro, I'm sorry, I still don't get over him, I thought I'd forgotten, but today I realize I haven’t.

• What are you talking about, Lucy, you're my wife now!

- Marcos I'm sorry, I can't stay, I'm sorry.

It was because of fate, who will know, you left as soon as the party started, no one could believe it, but the few friends of yours who recognized me, blame me. I don't blame them because my way of dressing was different, from a young man who always wore black, long hair, today a professional shirt and a very fashionable cut. I don't blame them.

It was a short wedding, maybe the shortest in history, your divorce was long, he didn't want to sign. Even though you were finally free, you suffered in the process. Nothing holds you back, not a memory, not a sigh.

They're already years..

- What do you want for dinner, my love?

How life changes, cruel wheel of life, or just a boring devil.

- Whatever you want, Lucy.

- Leandro, just tell me what you'd like to eat, I've practiced a lot and I've learned from you.

- You know Lucy, let's ask our little one, come here Andres, tell Mommy you want to eat.

• I want some pasta, Mommy.

Roulette of life, without fear of playing at will, of the bad moments there is no memory, just a very promising future.

There are no villains in this story, only puppets of a boring devil.