Love Matters Session Number 1

Yes, I might be the very next thing to "perfect" (not really) when it comes to online dating rules. I'm here to lay down some basic rules so that you will not get confused or overwhelmed in the process with online dating. Let's eliminate the fear today! Now the ten rules are not in stone but following the basic format of the rule (trying not to deviate too far) will keep you somewhat safe and with a bit more of sanity after the process is done. I can't promise a percentage or a success rate, but hopefully some clarity will come if practiced often. Sit back and open your mind and get ready for some dating advice that you might not find too common in the dating online dating arena. Now this advice and rules are only for those who date with the specific purpose to be in a monogamous relationship with intent to last a long time. If you have other intentions with online dating sites, please make them know and this information might not be for you.

Rule No. 1: Meet within the first two weeks of connecting. This has to happen for so many reasons and most importantly, to avoid those fake profiles out there. Many might use the term catfish (no matter how its spelled) profiles. However, you cannot expect chemistry (or the lack of) to be measured over the phone or via text messages. Get to know the person and explore body language, the stuff old-fashioned dating people use to do.

Rule No. 2: Do something that doesn't cost money or go "Dutch" on a date. Yeah, I said it! She needs to pay her way until she proves that she is worthy of your investment, men! Far too many men complaining about being used and tossed to the side after investing time and hard-earned money, only to learn that they have been "friend-zoned". Men, guard your emotions and guard your wallets. Try the 90-event challenge! I will explain this in another segment, it's worth the read, trust me! After all ladies, you cannot expect a man to be a provider for someone who is not willing to show that man that she can be a loving and supportive spouse. The days of sitting pretty and siting back allowing that man to pay for food and entertainment is shifting. Men want to see if you are invested in this as well. Spend your money, woman! Most modern women claim their independence, well use it until you are ready to show a man that you want to be a part of his life. Pay for a dinner and entertainment as well!

Rule No. 3: Focus on one person. You cannot drive two cars at a time. Let me eliminate this theory that you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket when it comes to dating. Many say that they do not want to "miss out" if someone is meant to be with them. Well, if they are "meant" to be with you, I have a strong belief that God, The Universe, or Good Karma (no matter in Who or how you base your faith) things always seem to work out for the common good in life. Not to mention, if there is no one left to date after end a failed relationship with someone, then we have bigger problems we need to deal with. There will always be someone floating on your social media page and in your inbox waiting for you to become "available", trust me on this one.

Rule No. 4: Double date with real friends so your FRIENDS can vet your potential out. Sometimes we don't use our friends for their true purpose, to help us with challenging decisions. Marriage or finding a partner is a very important decision, probably rated in the top five decisions you will ever make in life, so why not receive some help with that decision. We've all been there before, head-over-heels and nose wide open over someone to where we cannot even think straight. Take that unwanted stress away and let your friends help you decide. I know, you don't want your friends see you fail in anything, right? Well, ask yourself, if you cannot recover from a mistake in front of your friends, then who can you recover in front of? Use that support system and allow your friends to pick you up in a time of need, and there will be no judgement in the eyes from your true friends. Use your friends and allow them to see things in people you cannot see. Trust the process!

Rule No. 5: Tell your potential about a flaw or area of concern that you need to work on and watch their response to you over time with regard to the flaw. Now this is critical, and you have to be careful in gauging your potential mate. The concept is to see who you are really dealing with. I know that we can be a bit concerned as to who we let in and who we give information to, but this can show you who you are dealing with because it is important that you monitor the actions of others when you are weak, vulnerable and can only depend on a friend. How will this person respond is a great indicator as to who you are dealing with and that is some good information to have when making a crucial decision.

Rule No. 6: Stop thinking about the last disaster. This is new person, but yet please take precautions. Why should anyone pay for what the last person did in your previous relationship? Holding the current person accountable for the last person that caused you pain has to be within the top five as to why relationship fail and cease to develop into something special. Leave that baggage at the airport!

Rule No. 7: Call this person at odd hours of the day (depending on their occupation) please don't call someone who works a 15-hour shift at the 17th hour when they are deep into their sleep and trying to rest. That relationship or courting phase with end quickly if you do. Try to understand the concept behind rule No. 7. If you want to find out if someone has another person in their life, chances are they will not answer the phone when waking up in the morning, going to sleep at the end of the day or sleeping in on a lazy Saturday morning. Trust me, they will not be upset at you for calling them on a Saturday morning if he or she is fond of you. Remember, don't call someone after a long shift. That's a verbal-lashing in the making waiting to happen. STAY AWAY FROM TEXTING! Cheating is so easy when you allow someone to text you. Make sure you hear that person's voice.

Rule No. 8: Stop using the standards social media to wage or measure how your potential mate should be. I can write another three thousand words on this one, but I am keeping this short and simple. If I had to put a percentage to the profiles I see on social media, I would say over 60 percent of those profiles never reveal what is truly going on in their lives. Remember, a vast majority are on social media for likes and they are trying to go viral or accumulate a following base. So don't put your potential up against a false image, it's not fair to them and it is certainly not fair to you.

Almost there, folks!

Rule No. 9: Yes, meet their friends as soon as possible. People like to tag a timeframe to this; I'm pulling my potential mate in front of my friends as soon as I can after 30 days (if she makes it that long). You understand a person a bit better when you see the crowd they hang around. Birds of a feather flock together- (author unknown). You both should be in contact with each other's support system for a number of reasons that list from emergencies to day to day living and personal safety. If that person hasn't introduced you to their inner circle, chances are you might not be on the radar much longer. I will touch base on rule No. 9 in another session.

Finally, Rule No. 10: Don't leave home without this one, folks! Understand the person's character. Any tell sign as to how they address the server at dinner, to how they speak to other people and what situations upset them and how they respond to particular events. If you understand how this person is wired, then that is about 70 percent of the battle. Remember, money magnifies the person to be a bigger person of who they truly are. If possible, try to get to understand the person through various seasons (no; not winter, spring, summer, and fall). Look at this person's behavior if they experience a loss of a loved one. How will he or she treat you if you lose a loved one? How do they handle financial hardship and success? Monitor that character trait in all situations and all surroundings. That's your key to a better decision when looking at a mate.

Some of my rules may be old-fashioned, but those rules worked for people back then; we need to give this a try and change a slumping dating pool. I will go more in dept with the rules 2 and 9 as mentioned on other sessions and will have every intent to post a Love Matter Session weekly. I don't have all the answers and there are different methods out there. No matter what you subscribe in, dare yourself to try something new for better results.

Hope you enjoyed this one and look forward to many more!