Love is Strange

Love is strange. I mean, how does one define love? There are so many different types, different meanings, different human interactions. Love can be defined as a philia, a deep friendship. The type where two or more people can have intimate, meaningful conversations but there is absolutely no physical attraction. Love can be familiar, totally selfless and unconditional. It means giving of yourself without any expectation of receiving back. There is a type of love called agape, meaning to put someone else’s needs ahead of your own. There is eros, a physical need which can be demonstrated through holding hands, kissing and in many more intimate ways.

When we fall in love, we tend to go through all the various stages. First, we might feel philia, that deep friendship or even ludus, the crush we develop on another human being. Teenagers are particularly subject to ludus. When and if that love is returned, it can become eros. Eventually, we might develop another type of love, that is pragma, a kind of enduring love that develops over time. Watch an older couple who have been together a while and you’ll see a good example of pragma at work.

But love can also be destructive when it turns into an obsession. Okay, I understand that some might think this is definitely not love. The Greeks defined it as mania, the type of infatuation with another human being which can often become toxic.

This kind of love can be dangerous, not only for another person but also to ourselves. Someone who has a mania for another person can become threatening. Some stalkers, for instance, are driving by love in the form of mania and ludus. They are obsessed with someone and truly don’t realize they need help. Sometimes they see it as protecting the other person.

Love and hate can often be one and the same. Take unrequited love, for example. It can bloom suddenly and then when the love is not reciprocated it can turn into hate. But that hate is also mixed with love.

There is another kind of love that should be mentioned. That is, love from afar. A person can be completely and totally in love with someone they’ve never met. It's not a crush or an obsession such as a fan would have on a famous person. I’m talking about a desperate kind of love, where you can’t stop thinking about the person and can barely breathe at times. The object of this love may not even know the other person exists, but that doesn’t matter.

What about love of country? That feeling of patriotism that arises when one hears their country’s national anthem. After 9/11 happened here in New York City, many people felt a love for their country that they never did before. The red, white and blue flags were all over the city.

But can love can hurt? I don’t mean just emotionally as in when a person is rejected, but can one love another human being so much it physically hurts?

It seems it can and it’s even normal for love to hurt. In fact, even good relationships can bring some aching discomfort at times. Caring deeply about someone else actually can transform into physical pain.

Can love kill? The American Heart Association says yes, love can kill.

Broken heart syndrome is also known as stress-induced cardiomyopathy and can be caused by an emotionally charged event such as the death of a loved one, a particularly difficult divorce, a betrayal or romantic rejection.

It is a temporary interruption of the heart's normal pumping function and puts the person at increased risk of death. Broken Heart Syndrome is believed to be the reason many elderly couples die within a short time of each other.

Many people say that they don’t need love, they don’t need another person to be fulfilled. Love is not in their game plan. But I agree with Leonardo da Vinci who said, “life without love, is no life at all.”