Love, breakup, extramarital affairs, family companionship, Trauma and healing in partnership relationship

I don't think this is gonna work out with my girlfriend, we don't have the same values, and I want to make things right, but every time I try to make it clear to her, she says she's depressed and she wants to kill... What should I do? ... My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, and I often can't find him recently. He never makes our relationship public... I'm upset... I did not think of the wedding to commemorate each other through how many storms, one day unexpectedly will also find my husband's affair...

The above familiar situation or more love in the name of the partnership issues, often happen in or around the unknown or may be the story, in which the parties are often the most struggling, because we feel good in the first love, but in love to feel hurt. A lot of people don't understand is, obviously the starting point is love, why do you seem to change the tone in the end, hurt in the relationship? In fact, relationships are always in flux and balance, and as they go through various transitions, there will be interactions that need to be adjusted. To talk about relationship healing, it is important to understand the possible types of relationship trauma, which can be divided into the following two types:

The attachment relationship (the relationship between the primary caregiver and the infant) gradually shaped by childhood trauma in the original family is the earliest prototype of our relationship model. The relationships and emotions we observe and experience in our growing experiences influence how we interpret and perceive whether the world is safe, whether we can feel love, and what kind of love is. The current test of life, disasters, accidents, stress, illness, medical care, family members... The premise is that relationships are not static, but often dynamic, changing over time and through life. What seems to be an interactive, balanced and stable relationship will emerge with various life-testing events, forming a crisis or part to be adjusted, and situations where trade-offs have to be made or need to be made. These also tend to accumulate and cause damage to old and new relationships; The most representative current example is the medical, economic, family, work, etc., caused by the Novel Coronavirus pandemic. The impact of the crisis around the situation. If you want to heal the wounds in the relationship, the first step needs to start from healing, understand the possible sources of trauma of acceptance, settle the care first, how to take care of and accept the healing, and only after healing, can you have the opportunity and space to think and find the breaking point of relationship conflicts, and make rational adjustments and improvements; By looking directly at your fears and traumas, you have the opportunity to start anew. From the wound to heal, often is a long journey, in the past, learning cognition anxiety attachment, escape from attachment, attachment, attachment security, such as morphology, chaos through the network query or professional consulting understand attachment type and the likely impact of, learn to accept and healing trauma experience, will have the opportunity to adjust the relationship between the original interactive mode, let a partner relationship to a new opportunity. For the current various external environment test, but also need to be stable inside, not easily affected by external chaos of information and events, try to practice to leave some time alone with yourself, sports, reading, watching TV, interest... And so on. Only after relieving the pressure can I have the opportunity to think and settle, and make good decisions on all kinds of information and emergencies.

If you only have difficulties in healing and accompanying, it is very recommended to seek appropriate confide in family members, friends and colleagues, relieve anxiety and control emotions, or find suitable psychological consultants to accompany through the trauma, while healing. It is very easy to rub medicine on body injury. Similarly, the injury of reason also needs to be better accompanied by healing. Injury is not terrible, the most afraid is injured but directly ignore the needs of reason and open the knot, down for a long time so will cause very dangerous and regret, such as melancholy, kill...... And so on. I hope that every couple in a relationship will have the opportunity to heal as soon as possible and accompany each other through the years.