Love and Fear

Aili's husband returned to China a few days after the fight. He phoned the day he was going and told her that his father needed him in Guangzhou, and he was leaving in a few hours.

Aili protested, "what about Mai-Ling?"

He said, "what about her; she’s not a child."

Aili, getting angry said, "She’s your daughter and loves you. Why would you hurt her this way?"

Fan raised his voice, "How dare you question me, I’m your husband. My daughter is a Zhang and will understand that my decisions as her father are final. She knows the importance of the Zhang family name and the respect it demands. Your family name means nothing; you’re a family of useless fishermen that can't even provide food and clothing to their dirty children. Your name is the laughing stock of Guangzhou."

Aili, feeling punched in the stomach from his words and angry at the disrespect he showed her family, raised her voice, "Why would you speak to me like that? What have I done that makes you treat me with such disrespect? I know we’ve had our problems, Fan, but you know I’ve always loved you."

He yelled, "You’re my wife, I’ll speak to you as I feel. It's not me you love; it's my name. Remember what you were when I met you."

Aili felt her heart break when he continued with venom in his voice, "The poor little fish girl, with the stinky father," and hung up the phone.

After the phone call, Aili collapsed at the table in shock, transported back to her childhood and the bullying she endured, feeling gutted by Fan's words.

Aili spoke with her husband only once in the six months following the hurtful phone conversation. He called early in the morning two months after he left, and said he wouldn't be returning for a long time. His father's health was failing and expected Fan to take over his business for now. Fan said he wanted Aili and Mai Ling to come to China for the month of August.

Aili said, "That's not possible, Fan, Mai-Ling has to prepare for her students starting school in September."

He said, "I don't care about that, her grandfather is dying, and I expect both of you here the first week of August."

She protested, "How can you not care about what’s good for your daughter?"

"What’s good for my daughter is what I say is good for her; this is not a request; I’m telling you to be here the first week of August. If you’re not here, it’ll show what I already know, your complete lack of respect for this family." "I’m warning you, don’t test me further.”

Aili never told her daughter about the phone call, as she knew Mai-Ling was already upset with him, and this would make her resent her father more.

Aili couldn't understand the change in her husband over the last few years. She’d never questioned his love for her or her love for him up until he returned to China before their daughter started university.

Now it seemed their relationship was based on fear and anger. Aili's fear of his growing anger towards her and his fear of standing up to his family had torn them apart.

She spent a lot of time at the YMCA that summer, as the exercising and companionship of her new friends kept the painful thoughts of her marriage from overwhelming her. Aili started feeling good about her appearance again, as she settled into a routine of swimming laps for an hour each day, before joining her friends for the water aerobics class.

She would see John a few times a week and they became good friends. Whenever the group split into pairs for some exercise routine, they would always choose each other.

John never asked about her personnel life or been inappropriate with her in any way and she felt safe with him.

So it surprised her when he asked her to join him for dinner on Canada Day. She didn't know what to say at first and struggled to find words as she thought about her failing marriage and her husband's growing anger.

But she felt something rise in her, when John asked, which had been missing for a long time.

Fan had been the first and only man who’d shown any interest in her life, and she sensed that other men avoided her once they knew who he was. She’d gradually become accustomed to feeling undesirable as a woman, and more of an object than a wife.

Seeing her struggling to answer, John thought he’d crossed a line and apologized, "Sorry, Aili, maybe I'm being inappropriate; I haven't done anything like this in a long time." She replied, "Sorry, John, you caught me by surprise; I didn't think you liked me like that." He looked at her for a little while before saying, "Of course I like you like that Aili, I’d be a fool not to. I've been trying to get the courage to ask you out for weeks."

She felt her face blush, "Why me John? Why are you interested in me, when most men I meet here don't hold conservations with me any longer than a few words?"

John understanding now, she didn't know how beautiful she was said, "That's because most men, including me, feel inadequate when speaking with a beautiful woman." She felt something change inside her when he called her a beautiful woman and smiled, "Thank you, John, and yes, I would like to have dinner with you."

The morning of the dinner date, as Aili tried on dress after dress; Mai-Ling walked in and asked if she needed help.

Aili lied to her daughter, saying she’d be meeting her friends at a fancy restaurant and wanted to look her best.

She hated lying to Mai-Ling but couldn't tell her the truth.

Aili hadn't dressed for a date since she was a young girl, so agreed to let Mai-Ling and Maryanne help her pick the perfect outfit. They spent the next two hours making Aili look like the beautiful woman she’d forgotten. They settled on a knee-length red dress, with speckles of white along the creases in honour of Canada Day. The girls had a lot of fun fixing Aili's hair and make-up, which she enjoyed immensely, before letting her look in the full-length mirror.

Aili, surprised and delighted at the woman looking back at her from the mirror, said, "Oh my, is that really me," as she smiled at the girls.

Mai-Ling and Maryanne told her how beautiful she looked as they came and fiddled with her dress, making it fall just right, with Maryanne saying, "Yes that is you, Aili. The real you, that’s been waiting to come out. You’re a beautiful woman.”

Aili hugged them tight and said, “Thank you both so much. You’ve made me feel like a young woman again. I love you both.”

They agreed to meet at the restaurant at 7 p.m., and a few minutes before seven, Aili pulled into the parking lot. As she exited the car, she saw John standing at the front entrance dressed in an impeccably fitted suit and carrying a bottle of wine. He smiled and spoke as she got to him, "Wow, you look spectacular." She replied, "Thank you, so do you." He complimented her on her dress and she asked, "It's not too much, is it?" He laughed, "No, not for me, it's not, but I do believe there will be many envious women here tonight." She smiled from her heart, and feeling desirable and beautiful again, took his hand, and walked into the restaurant.

The waiter led them to their table and John handed him the wine, which he promptly uncorked and poured them each a glass.

After the waiter left Aili put the glass to her nose, and enchanted by the wonderful aroma of red berries and violets, took a small taste before saying, “ Oh my, this is very good John.”

John smiled and said, “I remember you told me you like Merlot and this is my new favourite. I’m a member of a wine club that sends me four bottles each month. The first time I tried this one the beautiful scent of violets instantly reminded me of you.”

They talked non-stop for the next three hours, never searching for something to say. She felt that John listened to and cared about everything she said. He made her feel she was interesting and her opinions on the many subjects they discussed were valid and important.

When they left the restaurant shortly after 10 p.m., Aili feeling good about the date, turned to John and thanked him for a wonderful evening. John thanked her for gracing him with her presence and beauty before hugging her lightly. He said, "I hope I can see you again soon." She laughed and said, "I’ll see you Sunday at the pool," as they separated and walked to their cars.

She felt happier than she’d felt in a long time, as she got in her car to drive home. As she pulled from her parking spot, she noticed a man sitting in a black vehicle talking on a cell phone but didn't think much of it.

She stopped on the way home to get some fresh vegetables for the next day, and while walking back to her car, her cell phone started to ring. By the time she retrieved the phone from her bag, it’d stopped ringing. She looked at the display and saw the call came from China, and thought, “I don't want to talk to you know,” before putting the phone back in her bag.

When she arrived home, a black car was parked across from her house; it looked like the same car she’d seen at the restaurant, which made her nervous. She parked as close as she could to the house, rushed to the door and locked it behind her.

Leaving the lights off, she walked to the living room window and watched as the car pulled away and drove down the street to the corner. She waited until the car disappeared around the corner before relaxing and admonishing herself for being paranoid.

John watched Aili walk to her car, feeling pleased and excited about how well the evening's dinner date had gone. He waited until she pulled out before walking around the building, to where he’d parked. Thinking about Aili's smile and how beautiful she looked tonight, he didn't notice the guy standing beside the car two spots from his until he got closer. He looked Asian and was standing beside the open door of the car, smoking a cigarette.

John acknowledged him as he walked past before the guy said something to him.

He thought he’d misheard what was said as it sounded like, "Be careful." John stopped when got to his car, and asked, "Pardon me, what did you say?" He noticed another person sitting in the car as the guy said, "I said, be careful, you don't know what you're getting yourself into." John had no idea what he was talking about and starting to feel a little nervous, unlocked his car and opened the door. He didn't feel good about this situation, as they were in a dark part of the parking lot with no one else around. John standing beside his open door said, "Sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about." He stared at John for a few seconds, “I’ll tell you this one time; stay away from her, she’s a married woman and this will not be good for you if you pursue her any further." Feeling shocked, John watched him throw his cigarette on the ground, get in his car, and drive away. John didn't scare easily, but something about the way the guy looked at him made him feel fearful.

The fear he felt wasn't for him; it was for Aili.