Losing Friends: Unexpected Ways on How Divorce Changed My Friendships

by Maria Vikse 4 months ago in divorce

Divorce brings with it a mixture of emotions for any individual who goes through the experience. It could be a positive thing for some people, but it ends up having a negative impact on most people.

Losing Friends: Unexpected Ways on How Divorce Changed My Friendships

Some of the main negative energies which can steer a happy marriage towards a disaster like a divorce are anger, anxiety, miscommunication, jealousy, frustration, and misunderstandings. Once these negative energies take over your relationship, the only solution couples realize is to separate from one another, so they can achieve some semblance of peace and happiness in life.

Divorce can be a scary process to go through as you’ll be confused about how to start your single life, and what steps to take to begin this new chapter in your life. A lot of people are overcome by the fear of starting over and they’ll have a constant stream of unanswered questions. The best advice is to seek divorce counseling or visit a professional divorce coach to gain insights into starting your single life.

The divorce process isn’t going to revolve around you and your partner, because people close to you, like your friends and family, are also going to be affected by it. When you go through a divorce with your partner, you’ll be dividing everything you own between you, which could also involve custody of your children. However, one thing that you may not be prepared to deal with is how your divorce is going to change your friendships. You’ll have a lot of questions on your mind regarding your friendships, which could involve some of the following:

  • What happens to all those mutual friends you both share?
  • Are they going to be divided as well?
  • Who is going to pick what people to let go of and which ones to keep on your side?
  • What should you do if your friends have chosen sides?

I faced some of these questions after my divorce. In this article, I am going to share how you can deal with mutual friends and how your divorce will impact your social circle.

The Effect of Divorce on Your Friends

A lot of couples have mutual friends, which is something that you can’t avoid, especially if you entertained these people and hung out with them when you were married. However, all good things must come to an end, and just like your marriage some of your friendships may end as well. There’s nothing wrong with that, and you shouldn’t hold it against someone if they don’t consider you a friend after the end of your marriage. This is mainly because your divorce can create uncertainty and difficulties for your friends. So, how are your friends affected by your divorce?

Istoria Jewellers is going to highlight some of the things that your friends may end up going through or feeling during or after your marriage ends:

Extreme Awkwardness

There’s nothing you can do about it of course, but your divorce will put your friends in an extremely uncomfortable position, especially if they are good friends of you both. They may face difficulty in interacting with both of you, and you may find some tiptoeing around you or hesitating in front of you to avoid bringing up a sensitive topic.

Finding it Difficult to Stay Neutral

A lot of your friends may decide they want to stay neutral because they consider both of you to be important people in their lives. However, they may find it difficult to stay neutral, because the pressure of balancing the friendship with both of you may not work out, especially if the divorce ended on extremely bad terms.

Your Social Gatherings Will Change.

You should expect a drastic change in your social gatherings after divorce as its only natural, but this may prove to be a difficult experience for your friends. It will make for awkward encounters as either you or your partner may be trying to avoid each other and may not want to be present at the same time at the event.

Their Marriage May Be Affected.

This is the main concern your friends will have after your marriage ends because research states that your divorce may also cause the end of your friend’s marriage. Divorce is contagious because it creates uncertainty among couples, who start reevaluating their own relationships and find out things that they didn’t want to face or know about.

How to Deal with Your Friends After Divorce

When you were both married it’s natural that you will have developed strong bonds with people and both of you share them as friends. Even though your marriage has ended, you should respect the boundaries of each other’s friendships, since its likely that both of you are going to need personal support from them. That can be challenging to deal with, but you shouldn’t hesitate to discuss this with a professional divorce counselor or coach, who can offer some real insight.

You shouldn’t expect things to remain civil after divorce, which tends to be a messy affair most of the time and keeping all your friends peacefully is no easy task.

The best way to deal with your friends after divorce is to not bring up any negative experiences within your social circle and don’t involve them in any dispute between you and your partner. Here are some more tips that I would like to share for dealing with your friends after divorce:

Discuss with Your Partner.

The best thing you could do to keep your friends is to have a civilized discussion with your partner about your mutual friendships. This is important to discuss since it will allow you to avoid awkward situations and live your social life on your terms. You can also discuss which friends you want to keep and which ones you agree on losing out on.

Be Prepared for Losing Friends.

Even though it may hurt or sting a bit, it’s important that you’re prepared for the fact that you may lose a few good friends, who may decide to take sides and stick with your partner.

Set Some Ground Rules.

If you’ve both decided that you don’t want to see or meet one another at any social events, you should set some ground rules, so there aren’t any problems later.

Talk with Your Friends

One of the best ways you can help your friends after your divorce is by talking to them and communicating how you value their friendship in your life. You should be sensitive about how your divorce has affected them and let them know that you understand there will be changes in the friendships moving forward.

Act Mature

You must be mature about losing friends if you are going to lose them after your divorce. Be flexible about what direction your friendship goes in.

Divorce has the power to change the dynamics of any relationship, especially friendships, which is why you must set clear boundaries. For instance, you may want to vent to your friend about your failed marriage, but they may not be prepared for a conversation this heavy.

You can help your friends by being open about your needs and being sensitive about their desire to spend time with you. The grieving process is going to be difficult, and you’re going to feel needy emotionally, which is where your friends play such a major role. So, ensure that that you don’t overburden them with your problems and keep things light sometimes.

Maria Vikse
Maria Vikse
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