Long Distance Relationships

Couples enter into long-distance relationships for a variety of reasons. Sometimes one of you has to move to get a better job, or it’s a matter of necessity because one of you has to care for a parent. Often long-distance relationships start because you were already living in different places when you met.

Whatever the reason for the separation, it’s no secret that long-distance relationships can come with challenges. What is less known is how these difficulties can affect your relationship.

- Determine your expectations.

How much contact do you want to have with your partner each day and how much do they expect from you? Don’t assume that you and your partner agree on this! Different people have different expectations for how often they text, call and communicate, so it’s good to have a direct discussion about what kind of communication cadence works for both of you.

- Schedule time together.

Make sure you regularly schedule time in your calendar to see each other. It may seem silly to have to remind yourself to spend time together, but in a long-distance relationship, quality time can often fall by the wayside if you aren’t careful.

Even if the two of you are texting often, you should still schedule set dates that you look forward to. “Whether it’s an hours-long phone conversation, a movie together, or an evening watching a fun DIY video on YouTube,” sexuality and relationship coach Jordan Gray tells mbg, “a weekly date goes a long way toward maintaining a sense of normalcy and togetherness.”

Plan not only for when you’ll see each other regularly, but also for quality time shared each week between visits.

- Focus on connecting, not just talking.

Just because you text or talk on the phone every day doesn’t mean you actually have a relationship. As Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST, a couples counselor, recently explained to mbg, it takes more than just an evening call to feel connected as a couple.

“Think about really sharing and counseling each other, comforting each other and letting the conversation go deep,” she says. Talk about things like your goals, dreams, obstacles and challenges. Give your partner the opportunity to support you in your daily life and in building your future, and be there for them in the same way.

When you make a date, be respectful of it. “Respect each other’s time,” advises clinical psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy. All couples want to feel valued and respected regardless of distance, and canceling a date is especially bad if you don’t see each other often. “Don’t take the video call for granted or reprogram it indiscriminately,” she says, “It’s a sacred moment.”

Some people have chosen to be in long distance relationships, while others are in the situation due to work commitments. It is reported that there are at least 10 million people worldwide that are involved with long distance relationships of some sort. Thought you were the only person suffering from the heart ache? Think again.

Like any relationship, long distance relationships require effort for them to succeed. You may think that more effort is required than normal relationships, but think about your situation you are in right now. Where your relationship differs from a normal relationship, is the fact that you have time to live for yourself. How many couples do you know of, who complain that they never have time for themselves. Making the most of this time apart can actually bring you closer together. You have to be interesting for someone to be interested in you. Take this time apart to pursue hobbies or find new interestAs with any sort of relationship, there are undoubtedly times where frustrations start creeping in. You may feel lonely, wonder what the other person is doing while you are not there or even doubt there fidelity to you. The quality time that you spend together, probably on the end of a telephone line can quickly end up in mind games, destroying the small amount of time you do get to be close together. You do not have the luxury that normal couples have, so making the most of this quality time should be top of your agenda. If the wonders do start creeping up on you, remember that your relationship is built on trust, love and respect.

It is said that the hardest part of a long distance relationship, is the goodbye. You had probably spent time getting to know each other again and before you know it, it’s time to go again. Whilst at the airport or train station bidding farewell, try and think about the next time you will together and what you will do. Planning is a great way of dealing with the heart ache. Try and plan something for the next time you will be together, giving you both something to look forward to. It also gives your mind a sense of security knowing that you are both working towards the same goal.

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