Living With A Messy Partner

So.. it's been a while, I'll explain a bit more in other blogs around what has happened in my life since we last spoke but for now this particular blog is around living with a messy person.

My boyfriend and I moved in together a year ago in March, now I don't just live with my boyfriend I live with 5 other people so therefore the commual space is usually semi tidy (Kind of) well not to my standards anyway but I can live with that (Kind of) but let's get back to living with a partner who is messy. I knew my boyfriend wasn't the tidiness of people when we were first together, his bedroom at his parents house was always a mess, like cannot see the floor a mess and yes I used to clean it. The problem is I don't think he can see its a mess, as in he can't see that if he takes his shoes off and leaves them in the middle of the room the mess just starts to develop. I have NEVER been the cleanest of people either when I lived with my parents I was like any teenage girl, messy bedroom, a collection of glasses, rubbish and clothes built up as if you had to climb a mountain to get out of the room but my boyfriend is on ANOTHER level. He would leave mugs, plates, FOOD! who leaves food in the bedroom? ....so it would start to smell and if he would change his clothes you would find little piles of outfits all over the floor, okay so this hasn't changed. He gets in from work takes his clothes off and changes them, we have a lovely big washing basket, he places his clothes on the floor NEXT to the washing basket.... WHAT? what logic is that surely it takes the same amount of effort to put the clothes in the basket than it is to put the clothes on the floor... as time has gone on I have followed behind him and placed his clothes on... The Chair.. everyone has the chair, the chair that slowly disappears infront of your eyes. Then once I have had enough of the chair I place all of his clothes in a pile on top of his side of the bed so he has to tidy them up so he can get into bed.. clever yeah? No.. he leaves it until the last minute then tells me he is too tired to sort it and can he can do it tomorrow? Since moving in with him I have found my inner clean freak, the bedroom needs to be hoovered and dusted at least once a week and the bathroom needs cleaning at least once a week as well... he doesn't seem know how to work the hoover.. I think he's picked it up twice in 365 days... Now you are probably thinking he is a boy and thats natural... BUT is it unnatural to let your girlfriend tidy up after you? It is unnatural to make your girlfriend feel like maid or a mother? NO. I have had this conversation with him, I understand that he will never be perfect, he will never be naturally tidy but progress is key. So what we have decided to do is take it in turns, one week he does it and then the next week I will do it, I have also asked him just to think about his clothes before he puts them all over the floor, be considerate. Also I have explained to him that for my own mental health that having a tidy and clean space free's up my mind, its not clouded or confused, I feel at peace and that I can breathe, I will not breathe down his neck when he leaves a sock on the floor, I just want to feel and look tidy because that is how I want my mind to feel... does that make sense or I am going a little too deep? The life lesson is >> LITTLE THINGS GO A LONG WAY <<

It is a challenge and it is a challenge that is on going but I hope that when we get a house together that he will be an equal partner with me instead of me being a glorified maid who doesn't get paid to pick his boxers off the floor AND If you came here for some advice on having to deal with a similar situation...communication is key, compromising with eachother and do not let it get you down (if you are the clean one) let your partner know if you are feeling down because it is always a mess or that they aren't pulling their weight, if its anything like my relationship it will go the way you would like for a week and then go back to the way it was so in that case, breathe and just give your partner a nudge in the right direction but NEVER make your partner feel like a child... even if they make you feel like their mother... be adults together and talk about how you are feeling.

Much Love

xo