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little love letters

part one

By Jordan MyersPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
1
little love letters
Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

America's 243rd birthday was only 156 minutes ago and I spent the day thinking about you, and moments you've felt completely and utterly free, and I wonder if I cross your mind. It tears me apart to know we'll probably never speak again and all I can do is write poetry specifically for you in hopes you see it one day. I don't think any of the words I could possibly have are enough. I've realized by now that I may have put too much pressure on you, and made you feel as though you were in some sort of metaphorical shackles, and every beautiful thing you've ever said was to appease me in some way, and that's never what I wanted for you. I understand now, when you say that you're supposed to be hurt and broken by life, but that's the paradoxical beauty of life isn't it? Life is the knot that's in my throat, but it's also the euphoric feeling I get from waking to the morning light pouring through the window, refreshing my soul.

How do you say I miss you in a way that doesn't sound like a hallmark greeting card? How do you face your feelings when it tears into your very soul. Yesterday was about freedom, but I've never felt less free in my life. I have these chains of heartbreak, despair, and nothingness restraining my being and even though I'm not entirely sure how you're feeling, I'm utterly positive you're the only person that would even get close to understanding me. I want nothing more than to hear your voice giving me sage advice that comes from far beyond your years. Or to hear how you're doing. About your music. How the collaboration went.

I hate not knowing where things stand. Jaye told me you once said that you regret everything you told me this past lonely fall, that they were just drunken words and I shouldn't worry about it. I feel sinfully guilty knowing I probably pressured you into saying things you didn't mean and I'm starting to lose sight of what's real and what isn't. I'm so sorry I can't even give this apology over text, I can't shakily give it over the phone, and you're 500 miles away.

I'm sorry for a lot of things, but mostly I'm sorry that I can't be enough for you and I'm honestly sorry I'm still around. I know they were drunken professions, but I can't help but cherish them because no one has ever made me feel like I mattered in my entire life as much as you do, and you deserve nothing but the best.

Please always remember how good you are, despite your belief that you're a terrible person. I know that's what you see, and I know that's what you feel the world sees most days, but just know I see a wellspring of life itself. A beautiful, golden, flowing, soul that doesn't deserve the cruelty and warlike punishment of this world. You're literally of creator- I've never heard any of your music but I don't need to, to know that it's going to speak to people from all over. Your words are powerful and I know they'll resonate deep within the souls of the masses. I hope that you're thriving and happy- that's all I've ever wanted.

love
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About the Creator

Jordan Myers

Aspiring author. Artist. Make-up & fashion enthusiast.

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