Lilly’s Plan for Dan

Lilly sat at the window looking out, vacantly filing her nails. It was such a practiced moved she didn’t even notice she was doing it. Her mind was a million miles away. Right back where it all began, ‘and it could not have been further from here’, she thought.

Lilly thought back to the good old days. ‘Yep. They certainly were’, she thought to herself. ‘What happened. Where did it all go wrong?’ Back then she felt like a different person. Wild. Free. Now she felt domesticated in every sense of the word. Lilly put the nail file down. She couldn’t say she didn’t like it. She had grown to like it.

But something was missing, and that missing thing was fun, laughter, joy, and intimacy with the man she loved once. Just as she was thinking about that, she realised she said the word once, as though she didn’t love him anymore.

She questioned herself. ‘Do I still love him? I’m not even sure’. She loved who he was when she met him. Then she thought, ‘I loved who I was then. I’m not so sure now. Who am I?’ This was a big question. It threw her to realise that she was even having these thoughts.

After all, when she thought about her old self, or younger self as the case may be, she thought about the girl who did it for herself. Who wasn’t afraid. Who got out and about with her Land Cruiser. Who rode mud bikes, had loads of fun out the bush tracks getting bogged with friends and having a whale of a time.

'Dang, that Ding Dong!’ she said out loud. That put a smile on her face without even trying as she realised she used Dan's favourite word and his company in the same sentence.

'Yep, the Ding Dong from Down Under!’ Now she was laughing to herself. The pane of glass between her and the world didn’t move, but the world moved for her at that moment.

'Somethings gotta change. I can’t go on living in a box, being a shadow of my former self. No wonder things are not rosy in here.' She never thought of it before. She just blamed Dan for being absent, for being preoccupied, for being distant.

Even her nickname for him Dansy. WTF? Where and when did that come about? She used it with such flippancy. It seemed funny, but as she thought about it more, she had a revelation. It wasn’t cute. It wasn’t funny. He didn’t even like it. And why would he?

Another thing she realised as these wild thoughts kept escaping, was that she didn’t even like having these kind of thoughts, laced with an underlying sarcasm. A subtle arsenic to their relationship.

She had seen him come home night after night. She had seen his discontent, but didn’t know how to address it, as though speaking to it might burst the bubble that she had been floating in for the oblivious years gone by.

But burst it had to. She was like a bird in a cage. This pane of glass was the shield between her and her old life. Between her and the life she was living now. This pane of glass was her pain and her bubble. A bubble that had intoxicated her days and kept the rose-coloured glasses rosy.

‘Ooh! Rose coloured glasses’, she thought. Her thoughts slipped back to her metaphor and the bottle of Merlot in the cupboard, the one they had ordered from Bright Cellars. The one that had stayed in the cupboard for umpteen years, waiting for the right occasion for her and Dan to drink it.

Neither of them had found the occasion to drink it. It wasn’t the wine. It wasn’t that special. It was a nice one, but not a ridiculous price that they couldn't have cracked it at any time. It was what it represented that was special. She smiled.

Lilly’s heart jumped a little when she thought about what cracking that bottle now might entail. At first, it was a fear-based reaction. What if he says to me ‘come on lets drink it and c’est la vie. The end’. Fear rose in her heart for the first time. Lilly wasn’t lily-livered by any means, but the fear was hard to place.

What was it? It wasn’t the first time she had thought of separating from Dan. She had. But not in depth. After all, they seemed to cohabit and get along civilly, but that was all. It didn’t seem like a good enough reason to separate. She had friends, clothes, and everything she could ask for. She just didn’t seem to have Dan anymore.

Suddenly she realised this was a bigger deal than she thought. She longed for some of the adventure of the past. The bikes, the bush, the laughter. The wildness of it all. Dirt-bashing, crocs, fishing. They had it all when they met. But Dan hadn’t taken on his life’s work at that stage and he was on a sabbatical.

She wondered if he was happy and knew the answer to that without asking. Happiness had long eluded them both. It sat as some memory in a frame. Some semblance of the past that hadn’t transferred in to the present.

She took a while to reflect. She realised that really, deep down, if she could find the old Dan, they might have a chance. If she could find the person she used to be, they might have a chance.

What would it take? Could it even work? Was it too late? Suddenly she realised that she hoped with all her heart that she could fix it. That they could find the joy again.

She kept thinking back to the day they met. The day that turned into a first date. The first date that sealed the deal.

She thought of the bottle of Merlot in the cupboard and her face creased with a painful smile. One which widened as she took herself back to that first day, that first date.

Lilly found Dan by the side of the road. His motorbike had broken down and he was tinkering by the side of it. She wondered whether to stop in her old Landcruiser, but it was a pretty sexy bike, a Triumph, and he wasn't too bad either.

She pulled over and hung out the window. It was hot and she could see the sweat gathering on his brow. 'Goodaye' said Lilly, 'Got a bit of trouble there?'

Dan looked up and to his surprise saw his angel in a Landcruiser. 'Yeah', he replied. I seem to have cracked the heads'. Lilly laughed, 'Well, at least it's not your head. Nothing that can't be fixed. Wanna come back to my camp and I'll take you where you want to go in the morning?'

Dan was a bit taken back. He might have expected a bloke to stop, but not this. 'I don't want to bother you', he started, 'and the bike'.

Before he could finish Lilly butted in, 'Don't be ridiculous', she said. Come on, I've got a cruiser, and a ramp. I've got a dirt bike back home, so we'll just throw it in the back and anchor it down. I see you have a tent, so you'll be right. Besides, there's a nice bottle of Merlot back at camp. Might just be the medicine you need right now'.

'That's an offer too good to refuse', said Dan, relieved that everything was going to work out and he didn't have to spend the night by the roadside.

They got Dan's bike on the back and headed back to camp. It was her 'secret spot', but on this occasion she didn't mind sharing. He asked where they were going. 'If I told you, I'd have to kill you', Lilly joked. Dan looked at her and then laughed.

The camp was tidy. Lilly's tent was already set up, a campfire ready to light, and a meal in the esky ready to heat up. Also, the Merlot was in the esky, which was a bit strange given that it was a red, but in the tropics, that was the most sensible place for it.

Talking came easy for both of them. Lilly explained that sometimes she just liked to 'get away from it all'. Dan had been doing the same thing, just not quite as prepared.

They lit the fire and put the food on to heat up. In the meantime they cracked the Merlot. Lilly had two glasses. It was as though she had been expecting company. 'No', said Lilly, 'I don't pick up all the strays. The extra glass is in case I saw someone I knew, or broke my glass. I could drink out of plastic, but that wouldn't do. Standards.'

They raised their glasses and grinned. As Dan reached over for the snack bowl, he knocked the bottle of Merlot and it spilt all over the tarp. Lilly laughed and produced two soup spoons. 'The tarp is new, so come on, we can't waste it'.

They both got their spoons and started spooning up the Merlot, from the tarp into their mouth. It was hilarious and they were both fully laughing. After a while it got harder to spoon up and Lilly got on all fours and started slurping it off the tarp. Dan was a bit shocked, but followed suit. They both were in tears of laughter. And that's how it all began.

Lilly remembered this day fondly. She decided the bottle of Merlot had to be taken out bush. That they needed to get away from their cage, be unfettered, wild and free. 'Would it work? It has to', thought Lilly and she got to work making her plan for herself and Dan.

This story is a sequel to my first fiction story, Dan the Go To Man. I think you will hear a bit more from Lilly and Dan as their story is not over yet.

If you like this story and want to leave a heart or a tip I would love it. If you got this far, your read is much appreciated. 💚