Light Up Darkness

An onslaught of news articles over the years read:

"A Black Teen, A White Cop, and a City in Turmoil"

"Unarmed Black Man Shot by Police."

"Black Man Shot Dead by Off-Duty Police Officer."

"Why Do Cops Keep Killing Unarmed Black Men?"

"White Officer Shoots and Paralyzes Black Man."

"Another Unarmed Black Man Killed by Police."

These news stories and many like them, break my heart and effect all of us at some level either consciously or subconsciously.

"Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." -MLK Jr.

Who is right in each of these tragedies is not what I want to discuss. The reality is that each of these stories had a direct impact on someone's life...multiple someone's, but the National coverage effects all of us indirectly.

A couple years after I began my career in law enforcement, riots broke out in Ferguson, MO. In 2020 several cities were burning to the ground after the death of George Floyd.

I have paid attention to the narrative presented by the media around injustice against black men perpetuated by white cops. I follow the conversation and have open discussions with my black friends to genuinely try and understand perspectives that are different from my own.

As the News highlights and emphasizes each story for weeks on end, I genuinely do not understand how people can be racist, but acknowledge the obvious pain many black Americans feel.

Some of the stories my friends have shared with me indicate people are often not directly racist; calling people the 'N' word or proudly displaying swastikas on their body. Though my friends have experienced this, it's usually a more subtle display of distrust and discomfort. A store owner paying extra cautious attention to a customer and almost ignoring the white person shopping in the same store. A mother pulling her daughter a little closer when a few black men are nearby. Suddenly locking the car door when seeing a black man approaching. A white lady calling the police because she's uncomfortable with a black person walking on "her" street that looks "out of place." Judgmental looks because a black man is dating a white woman. And many other insulting things. Ugh!

Knowing these painful experiences my friends have had to tolerate, and pairing them with the perpetual narrative of white cops intentionally targeting black people has affected my mindset for sure.

As I tie my boots, hook on my belt, and strap on the Velcro of my bullet proof vest each morning and hit the streets, my presence definitely makes some people uncomfortable. Whether through individual personal experiences with cops or a racially dividing narrative by the media, the issue of race affects all of us directly or indirectly.

"True peace is not merely the absence of tension, it is the presence of justice." -MLK Jr.

Despite the possibility of being classified as a racist because I wear a uniform, I feel a duty to serve and protect. Many people have asked me why I became a cop and the true answer I often give is "I want to light up the darkness." I believe most people have an innate desire to want to do good in the world. We all want to make a difference. I'm no different and want people to not live in fear. I want people to be able to thrive.

Each shift I respond to domestic disturbances, intoxicated people, thefts or robberies, fights, and on and on the list goes. If dispatch calls my number, then I respond and deal with whatever may come. When I make a traffic stop I am paying attention to traffic infractions, not the race of the driver or it's occupants. I have never stopped a person because of their skin color unless a crime or possibility of a crime was reported and the suspect description provided to me identifies a specific race.

I have seen videos of cops who find themselves in shootouts on a traffic stop when they only stopped the car for a bad brake light. While many people get annoyed when the cops stop them for seemingly insignificant infractions, the reality is our red and blue flashing lights are sending a signal. Criminals see that we are here and we will show up if you commit crime. Innocent citizens see that we are here and will show up to protect you when needed.

It would be easier to not make traffic stops and not respond to dispatched calls. There would certainly be less stress and tension in my own life. But not showing up is selfish. As a law enforcement officer, not showing up means increased tension for those in need of help.

I face the tense narrative of racial division in the interest of providing justice, so my community can feel a sense of peace.

"Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles." -MLK Jr.

I believe there is no greater love than the willingness to lay down your life for another. I hope and pray I can go home safely at the end of my shift each day and be with my wife of 15 years and our four precious kids, but it is never guaranteed.

While every call I go on is not a risk to my safety, the possibility is looming constantly. Most calls are not a matter of life and death, but each day we go out not knowing what the future holds.

The obstacle of racial tension in this country can be thick at times and yet I cannot bring myself to ignore the 9-1-1 calls. While the media pushes a "Defund the Police" narrative, there is a question mark raised as to if we are so unwanted, why do the job? However, as more emergency calls come in, there is an inner resolution to keep going no matter what.

"I have decided to stick with love....Hate is too great a burden to bear." -MLK Jr.

Before police work, "sticking with love" as Martin Luther King Jr. says, meant being kind and compassionate and serving the less fortunate. However, the uniform presents a different opportunity for love. It means stepping in to protect.

It means arresting a husband or wife that just beat their spouse. It means putting a drunk in cuffs so they don't crash their car into one of your loved ones. It means chasing down a drug addict that just tried to break into your home. It means fighting a suspect who just robbed a lady at gunpoint.

In short, "sticking with love" in my line of work may mean confrontation. It may grind against our initial idea of love, but it is love nonetheless.

It would be easy to give in to the narrative pushed by the media. If I'm a racist who doesn't care about people with a different skin color, then why try?

Law Enforcement can be a pretty thankless job and years of selfless service met only with criticism can lead many cops to become isolated and jaded. It doesn't mean they are racist, it just means they are mentally and emotionally exhausted.

When a seed of anger springs up and my conscious mind says, "Screw this!", my subconscious gently whispers a reminder to love. Hate will simply not suffice. I cannot and must not bear the burden of hate. I have decided to stick with love.

Indifference to the plight of others is essentially hate. In my role as a police officer, if I were to encounter injustice and do nothing, I further the narrative of hate. Real love requires action!

As racial tension rises or continues to permeate the news narrative, I cling to my answer to the question of why I became a cop...I want to bring light to the darkness.

People may question my motives, but fail to see my heart. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I believe every life is precious no matter the skin color. I know everyone who calls for help deserves to have someone show up and stand in the gap to protect them.

In 2022 I will do what I have done for years. I will continue on. No matter how people perceive me, I will move forward, facing darkness most people never experience. Facing it so they don't have too. As I encounter people while on patrol, I will continue to strive to take action not based on skin color, but rather on the content of one's character. No matter how messy it may look to those who do not carry the burden of this career, I will stick with love.

"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people, but the silence over that by the good people." -MLK Jr.