Let us start with Season 9 and a few STDs.

If you have not viewed this show before, you are missing out.

But I am not here to talk about Shameless, but a moment in season 9 episode 1 that sparked a conversation.

**May have spoilers, but in the words of the Gallager clan, "It's your fucking fault for not following the show you lazy twat."**

Frank Gallagher played by William H. Macy *who won several Emmys by the way for this role* plays a sexy Merry-go-round with all the ladies in the PTA at the private school Liam goes to. During the scene, you discover that everyone Frank slept with, and their partners, all contracted 3 STDs and now have to stay locked down together while they get pumped full of so many antibiotics to cure them all.

Here is the thing. Why has no one been taught about safe sex? I get that you all think "Oh Seyo, it is just something to fill Frank's storyline." but here is the thing.

It's not.

How many people I have met over the years do not understand Safe Sex and still do not understand how they transfer.

This is not just young adults, this is also people older than me. This is people in seniors centers and high-up CEOs etc.

So, let us begin.

I am not telling you to not have sex, not eat a cookie or two, not give a blow job or prostate massage, what I am saying is be safe about it.

The germs that cause STD/STIs are found in blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and saliva. Yes, you read that correctly, saliva.

Let me put a scenario.

You are in a nightclub, you are dancing, hanging with your bros, feeling good, taking shots, drinking beer when you see them. A sensual & sexy figure, big juicy lips you just want all over your cock.

They felt your eyes on them, there is a red tinge to their cheeks, they bite their lip.

Flash forward.

They push you against the wall, feverishly kissing, breathing heavy.

You swear, "Fuck, I don't have a condom/"

Giggling they respond, "A blowjob then?"

"Hell yeah!"

Massive blowjob music play!

~*~*~

A few days later, your partner is very touchy, they want sex. Badly.

Rawr baby.

~*~*~

Flash forward again.

Your partner gets home, they look angry, betrayed, heartbroken.

"Look what you did to me."

They shove a medical form into your face.

~*~*~

What did your partner contract from that blowjob you got?

Let me list them off for you.

1. Chlamydia - it can infect your urethra(male or female), throat, eyes, anus, vagina, cervix, and fallopian tubes.

Symptoms include irregular bleeding, pain in the abdomen, pain during intercourse, fever, burning while you pee, frequent urination, unusual discharge, pain, itching, bleeding and/or mucus discharge of rectum, redness, itching, and discharge of the eyes.

These symptoms are similar to that of gonorrhea as well. Oh boy, what if you get both?! Yay, I think you should get a lotto ticket!

The worst part of all of this, many people do not actually show symptoms of the infection, so they just continue to spread it without any treatment.

Curable? Yes.

2. Gonorrhea - Spread through oral, anal, and vaginal sex. Not only is it highly contagious, but because we are not taking our antibiotics correctly, or taking them way too much *mainly because you refuse to follow safe sex practices* it is now a superbug. This means, our normal antibiotic is no longer working.

Symptoms in women include vaginal discharge, burning when peeing, pain with intercourse, pain in the lower abdomen/pelvis, irregular periods.

Symptoms in men include milky white, yellow, or green discharge from the penis, burning when peeing, pain, and swelling in one testicle.

Symptoms in both men and women include a sore throat *Guess what! It can reside in your throat*, pain, discharge and bleeding from anus *It is in your butt, gross*, redness, itching, or discharge of the eye *This is why ladies don't like facials*, joint swelling and skin rash.

Curable? With some people yes, with others, if they have the superbug strain, not at this time.

3. Hepatitis B - Thrives in all bodily fluids, blood, semen, vaginal, saliva, tears, and yes, even breast milk.

Symptoms can include low energy, loss of appetite, fever, yellowing of skin/eyes, aching muscles/joints, stomach pain, nausea/vomiting/diarrhea *Pepto will not help you this time*, dark urine, light-coloured poo, tender/swollen liver.

Curable? No.

4. Herpes - Whether it is Type 1*Mouth Sores* or Type 2*Sexual Organ Sores*, herpes is spread through the skin, saliva, semen, vaginal and anal fluids. *I have also read about cases where Type 2 can be found on your back, leg, arm, anywhere that the infected person may touch you.

Herpes is more contagious before a breakout than during one. Be aware. Use a female condom during intercourse, it has a wide base that helps prevent the skin on skin contact.

You can also get Bare Care cream, it is used in hospitals, massage spas, funeral homes, and more. It helps prevent the skin on skin transfer.

http://www.massageessentials.ca/?SubCategory=Bath%2FBody%2FSkin+Care;Category=Massage+Essentials;Product=BearCare+Barrier+Cream;item_id=1457

Symptoms can include tingling of the infected area, small painful bumps that turn into blisters, burning when urine touches sores, swollen and tender lymph glands, muscle aches, headache, fever, nausea, headache, flu-like symptoms.

Curable? No. Treatable, yes.

5. HIV *What? I can get HIV from a blowjob? No. Fuck that I can.* Actually, good sir, you can. Shitty luck. HIV can be passed to you from another person through blood, semen, vaginal fluid, and breast milk*For all those who have a breast milk fetish make sure your donor gets tested.*

Wait, you never said saliva, so how can I get it from a blow job? You suck, dirty slut.

Why don't you pull your dick out of her mouth for a moment and process this? The lovely human who is sucking you off right now has bleeding gums or open sores & irritation in their mouth. Suck, suck, suck. Gushing blood in her mouth piles up and flows down your urethra, perhaps a tooth cuts your cock, now you are infected.

...Fuck me.

Naw, you are getting sued by your partner for cheating on them and infecting them with a disease.

Hope that blowjob was an epic one.

Symptoms can include fever, headache, swollen glands, tiredness, aching joints and muscles, and a sore throat.

Curable? No. Treatable? Yes, but you better have medical coverage.

6. Syphilis - Transferred through sexual contact vaginal, anal, or oral sex. It can also be through kissing and skin contact.

Symptoms can include painless sores, fever, headache, sore throat, swollen lymph glands, patchy hair loss, muscle aches, mucous spot or sores, tiredness, lumps or warts in moist areas *Ewww gross*

What if you never get tested and ignore all these symptoms? Well! Guess what you have to look forward to! Mental illness, blindness, heart disease, paralysis, and brain damage. Woo! Syphilis is gonna make you crazy!

Curable? Yes, but not reversible, which means any damage done before treatment is permanent damage.

So, your partner shows you this medical form, how many of these are on it? One of them, all of them. It doesn't matter. They are leaving you.

Your lesson that you have learned, don't cheat? Well, it is always nice if you don't, however, sometimes it is something you cannot help it. Whether you are overly stressed, being ignored at home, have not had any physical contact for some time, or any other reason why it happens. I am not shaming you for cheating. I am shaming you for not following Safe Sex practices.

If you followed it you wouldn't be in this current situation. All of your hard-earned money is going to your ex-partner, you are paying for their medications, their new life, and if you are lucky enough you can afford the treatment for yourself.

Want to read more about it?

Check out the links below

https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-concerns/diseases-conditions/sexually-transmitted-infections.html

https://youngwomenshealth.org/2013/01/16/sti-information/

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/understanding-stds-basics

https://medlineplus.gov/sexuallytransmitteddiseases.html

You are all aware of condoms, spermicide, sponges, and gloves to help protect from STD/STI transfer, now learn about 2 more that you were probably not aware of.

Female Condoms:

Yes, at first they are weird, it feels like you are shoving a plastic bag up inside you. A large ring that is connected to the condom dangles out of you. And there is NOTHING sexy about putting it in while someone watches. Once you see the coverage you get, the lack of slippage, and the more "realistic feel" of that over a traditional condom, you will actually enjoy it!

Plus, if you cannot laugh during sex, what the fuck are you doing?

https://www.amazon.ca/Female-Condom-Starter-Pack-pcs/dp/B01L7YPW50/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543143194&sr=8-1&keywords=Female+condoms

Dental Dams

There are 2 ways you can get these dental dams, one at any store or online,

https://www.amazon.ca/Line-One-Labs-Mint-Dental/dp/B00C6NRBYW/ref=sr_1_2?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1543143411&sr=1-2&keywords=Dental+Dam

The other is by making your own out of an unused condom, just cut off the tip and then up one side.

These protect you from any fluid transfer while eating cookie or tossing one's salad.

Fly free little horny birds. Get freaky with all your kinky little fetishes. Experiment, explore, and just thrive with your naughty selves.

But please, please do it safely.

Have fun, you dirty little devils.

XOXO

Auralia